“I don’t like to see starveing lawyer’s!”

Finally, confirmed: Ellen showed her tuchus at the beach over this past weekend, with Sam, and TBOK she did not loose 7 pound's in preparation. It seems like one by one, the barriers to this union are falling away: Dad seems ready to finalize, Sam isn't afraid of Grandma Leyeh, and now Ellen's weight and hip measurements seem to be considered a plus.

Btw, the reason Ellen's no longer welcome at Bloomie's Carpet Department (see below) is that she apparently scraped dog poop off on their wares a few months ago. Manhattan ELLENWatchers, does this mean some Bloomingdale's staff would be able to describe Ellen for us, or even show us a picture (for purposes of banning her from the sales floor?) Anyone planning to stop by on lunch break?

Ellen :

08/27/2013 at 10:04 am

I love the blue plaid dress! I could go to Bloomie’s to try it on, but I will NEED to stay away from the Carpet Departement b/c they know me now. FOOEY!

Sam sent over a big box of cookie’s from CRUMBS! Yay! (but my dad would be furius if he found out b/c he wants me to make my tuchus shrink, not grow). So in the spirit of shareing, I put the box out on Lynn’s desk and everyone is grazing on the assortement of cookie that Sam sent. He onley said one thing. “I don’t like to see starveing lawyer’s!” He must think I am very svelte and want’s to turn me into his Thanks giving turkey? He did see my tuchus on the beach and he must have liked what he saw I guess. I won’t tell dad about the CRUMB’s cookie’s b/c dad is not happy that my FITBIT useage has gone down. That is b/c I have been VERY busy with my case work and have NOT been abel to walk to work in the morning.

I have a depo at 11:00, but have to go to the courthouse do it b/c the plaintiff will NOT come to our office. His counsel, a lawyer named JAY, say’s he does NOT want him here, and he does NOT even have an office of his own. FOOEY!

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• CKB :

  08/27/2013 at 11:13 am
  You never know Ellen. Some men like big tuchus. I know my husband is one!
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Is this a show stopper?

I think she may have meant "deal breaker," but at least she's understood. I actually would have liked to see some responses re considering marrying a guy who picks his nose...but alas. Just mania at the prospect of a phone call from Roberta. (And I join in it, by the way--make sure I'm next up, will you? I'm picturing Ask E. Jean from Elle Magazine.)

Ellen :

08/26/2013 at 5:08 pm

I love this bracelet! And it is NOT expensive either. I wonder if this is 18 Karat’s? As for the OP, Yes, you can live in NYC, but NOT in Manhattan. In NYC, You can live in Riverdale (it is the Bronx) near Roberta, and she has a great place near public transportation, and you are still in the City. Even tho it is the Bronx, it is not what you think of when peeople talk about the Bronx. There are trees, and you can even see the Hudson River! If you want I can get Roberta to call you, and she works as an attorney in-house.

You can also find alot of places in Long Island, and that is onley a train ride away on the LIRR, and there are plenty of places on the NORTH SHORE and the SOUTH SHORE. It all depend’s on which side of Jericho Turnpike you want to live, and if you like the Beach (Ocean – yay) or the Sound (not as much).

Sam said he was lookeing at places in Manhasset (North Shore) for a house. I hope he does not buy something cheep, b/c he is keeping his place in Tribecca, which I have never seen, but which MYRNA says is outragous. Myrna keeps pushing me to be romantic with Sam, but I just can NOT think of that yet. He has to make some kind of move first and even then, the boouger thing is alway’s on my mind. FOOEY!

What would the hive do about boougers? Is this a show stopper? Myrna says no, and mom says no, but I dare NOT ask Dad about this yet.

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• Gov anon :

  08/26/2013 at 5:13 pm
  OP, you should definitely take Ellen up on her offer to have Roberta call you.
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  • NYC :

    08/26/2013 at 5:33 pm
    Oh hell yes. (Thanks everyone for the optimistic posts! You really cheered me up.)
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covered in petrified boouger’s

Yep, things proceeding apace. I particularly like Mom's affirmation that nose-picking doesn't matter as soon as Ellen gets her Beemer. (Does anyone use that term anymore?) Further, confirmation that Dad is getting so serious so quickly because he wants out of the duty to manage Ellen's accounts, aaaaand we know somebody's age with certainty for what is I think the first time ever. 

Speaking of age, I don't know where this "much older" is comeing from. With Ellen having been born in '80 or '81, they have less than a handful of years between them. I suppose if she wants to start vanity-aging herself I will face ethical quandaries about whether to play along.

Ellen :

08/26/2013 at 2:57 pm

I would LOVE to be abel to wear Manolo’s but I do NOT have alot of money and if I did, then peeople would think I have alot of money and I do not YET. If I marry a guy with alot of money, then mabye he will let me buy Manolo’s, but for the time being, I have to rely on Anne Klein, Zara and a few other outlet’s for my clotheing, even with the clotheing allowance.

Sam is very anxious to pursue me, and when he drove me back to the city, he hinted that we should maybe go to the Hamton’s together this weekend. I told him that I had plan’s (I do NOT), b/c I do NOT want to look like I am to availabel for him. He told me we could go after Labor Day if I wanted and I said mabye.

Dad gave Sam a list of thing’s he wanted answer’s to, but Sam will not share that list with me. It is clear Dad is trying to get Sam to take over my finance’s, b/c he work’s for a big investment house and know’s alot about money management. Sam asked me what the carrying charge’s are on my apartement is, but I said I did not know. He talked about renting out my apartement as a source of income, and the onley way that would make any sense is if I did NOT live there. And the onley way I would not live there is if I had to move out and I would onley move out if I got a job out of town, or got MARRIED (mini-yay), but to the right guy.

The onley thing I am totally skeeved about is the nose picking. Dad did not see it, but I did. I also saw his car, and the push butten’s on his dash board radio are filthy and I think covered in petrified boouger’s. I told mom about that and she said not to worry, b/c Sam would surely buy me my OWN BMW SUV to shuttel around town with the kid’s.

Well that could fix the car, but what about our house? Would I have to find boouger’s everywhere I turned in the house? I do NOT want to be finding that inside the refrigerator, or worse, in the bedroom. I want to be clean and he would need to stop doing that. At his age (36), he should know better, but since he is much older then me, I have dificulty haveing him take me to seriousely. He just consider’s me some kind of cute plaything to show around (like Ed does with Rosa).

He was told by Dad that Ed and Rosa need to see him, as well as Grandma Leyeh. OMG, what will happen if they start askeing alot of questions? FOOEY!

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let alone talked seriously about marrage

Thus far no surprises. It is somewhat relieving (or frustrating, depending on you're perspective) to see that Ellen has any notion whatsoever that you shouldn't marry someone you don't actually know.

Ellen :

08/26/2013 at 9:55 am

I agree. Shorter peeople like me can NOT pull this off, but Rosa probabley can. I have agreat story to tell about the weekend. Sam was a bit of a dork with Dad, but Dad seems to like him and made him a confidential proposition that Sam said involved me. Sam did tell me that he has a list of thing’s that Dad wants him to satisfy with b/f he will let Sam marry me. I was MORTIFIED, b/c I have not realy even dated Sam yet, let alone talked seriously about marrage. FOOEY!

The most detailed thing I told him about was Grandma Leyeh’s proposition and I saw (INADVERTEANTLY) Sam’s winkie when he sat down Indian Style on my carpet. So I do NOT think I am ready for marrage, tho I do want the $50K. I have a big depo to prepare for so I will catch you up later. YAY!

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many a pair of shoe chocked full of dog poop

An outstandeing performance, Francie Nolan. Both in content and format. Please keep at it.

I appreciate the forethought on Sam's first tuchus-viewing, but we have no comment here on whether Ellen feels she's ready for it. Or is she actually eager? Meanwhile, the 30 questions promises to yield some good material, and I say it is a HUGE DEEL that she's using the B-word, if only "today." 

Ellen :

08/23/2013 at 2:43 pm

YAY!!!! Open Thread’s!!!!! It’s Friday, Kat, and I love Open thread’s! I love these shoe’s but they are OPENTOE’s and the manageing partner will NOT let me wear open toe’s and he will NOT reimburse me for OPEN TOE shoe’s b/c he thinks it is unprofesional for me to go to court with OPEN toe shoe’s.

I think I agree, b/c men like to look at our toe’s, and in NYC, it is dangerous to walk around with open toe’s on the Upper East Side b/c lots of peeople do NOT clean up after their DOG’s, and that means alot of dog poop on the side walks to step in. FOOEY! I have had many a pair of shoe chocked full of dog poop, and my NIKE Air’s have had to be professionaly scraped by a shoe repair person. Onley once was I able to clean my own shoe’s when I went to BLOOMIE’s! YAY! I have not been back in the Carpet department for month’s. DOUBEL FOOEY!

Sam is driving up to pick me up very early Saturday morning, and he is first takeing me out to the beach (JONES BEACH) for the day. He will then see my tuchus b/c it is goieng to be a nice day and I can’t wear my cover up all the time we are on the beach. From there, he will drive us to Mom and Dad and hopefully Dad will like him.

Dad says he has a list of 30 question’s for Sam, so I know it is serious. He never asked Alan more then mabye 5 or 6 question’s, and most of that was just about his family and his name. So I will keep my finger’s crossed and hope they like Sam, but I am nervous b/c Sam is suposedly sensitive and I do NOT want Dad to bully him like he does with Ed. I might loose Sam if Dad is to pushy. We will see! At least I have a boyfreind today. Yay!

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• Francie Nolan :

  08/23/2013 at 3:06 pm
  Ellen wear a Sarong to cover your tuchas, you can wear that and show off your svelte bodice. Also you can stroll up and down the Boredwalk to get your steps in. Show Sam the the bandshell maybe there will be a band playing and you can dance the merengue.
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a guy who got a bad bris

What an odd non-sequitur (P. 2)--even for Ellen.

Ellen :

08/22/2013 at 4:55 pm

I think it depend’s on how much you are makeing and how much you can AFFORD. $50 is good for some, $100 for other’s. If you are goeing to the wedding with a GUEST, you should give MORE then you would if you are goeing alone, or NOT at all. After all, it costs money for catering and food and renting the hall or church or whatever, and DAD says that you absolutely HAVE to grease the person who marries’ you ahead of time so that he does NOT embarass you by saying the wrong thing before you get MARRIED!

It is very easy to be a MAN (or woman) of the cloth, Dad says. He says that peeople get very nervous when they have a religious ceremony, either a bris, a wedding, a bar mitzveh, confirmation, or even a funeral, and the man of the cloth MUST be good and get greased. I think you must get a steady handed guy to do your son’s bris, otherwise your son (and those women he eventually dates) will never forgive or forget you. I remember my FIRST college room mate went out with a guy who got a bad bris, and she did NOT want to date him just b/c of that, and that was about 18 or 19 year’s later! FOOEY!

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NOT takeing him up on his 6 figure offer

Thank's to the groupie who alerted me to this and one other post that didn't appear until late (from yesterday, thus out of order). Not much to say about this one, other than it's interesting Ellen didn't attribute any amorous motive to the turned-out-to-be-pizza guy. 

Ellen :

08/22/2013 at 2:35 pm

I almost had this problem myself! When I was gradueating from law school, I did NOT have a firm offer from a really decent place. So before my dad lined me up with this strange process serviceing Job in NYC, I met a guy at a pub in Georgetown who told me that with my look’s brains and personalty, I could come work for him in Virginia Beach, where he had the monoply on selling flood insurance, and I could make at least 6 figure’s a year. Back then that sounded like alot of money (and it still is, of course), so I told my DAD about it and he was skeptical. He told me he wanted to investigate and to get the guy’s business card (I only got his phone number). Dad could NOT find his business and his investigation on the web came up empty, so when I called him, some young girl (mabye 13 or 14) answered and said that her dad was out delivering pizza’s. I said is this the same guy that sell’s FLOOD insurance , and she said yes. So I asked her why he had to deliver pizza’s if he was makeing alot of money and she said he needed a second job to make end’s meet. FOOEY I thought, b/c the job was not goeing to happen.

So I wound up NOT takeing him up on his 6 figure offer, and NOT haveing to move down there. Instead I took a job where I delivered subpeenas for a while in NYC until the manageing partner offered me a real WC defense job, even tho I knew absoleutely NOTHING about WC law!!!! Now I am doeing very well, and dad is happy b/c he is goieng to have a Partner in the family and I hope to be abel to get a husband b/c of all of that. YAY!

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