could not wait for Mom’s Brisket

Now that Ellen finally shared her definitive, complete date of birth with us, there's no reason not to repeat her age left and right now! Note also that we're talking about "Prince Willem." One European gent is being conflated with another--though we only have one marriage offer and, I believe, one full head of hair to match! 

Ellen :

04/07/2014 at 3:47 pm

Well, If I were YOU, I would go chat with them. They think your good, so that is a GOOD thing. The extra $40K is a good thing. The bigger firm may NOT be a good thing, but doeing nothing is NOT a good thing. You should ask them if they have a clotheing allowance, b/c that could be worth alot like it is for me here. I get alot of clotheing effectiveley FREE b/c I wear the clotheing ONLEY at work, so NOT only does the manageing partner pay alot of the cost, I also get the clotheing DEDUCTED from my income tax return, b/c it is NOT used exept when I go to court and at work so that I look proper for the JUDGE and win my cases (93%)!!! YAY!!!!!!

I had another coment for one of the poster’s above who was goeing to London. Congrat’s! Remember that the Brit’s absolutely can NOT cook at all, so do NOT worry about loosing your fiancee to a woman who cook’s. Mom told me that Dad could NOT wait to get home after he was stationed in Britan b/c the food was so terible that he could not wait for Mom’s Brisket. He also wound up marrying Mom right away b/c she had other men interested in her brisket. They evidenteley did NOT care that mom’s tuchus was big, as was Grandma Trudy’s tuchus (which is still big). Men think thru their stomac’s so if you can cook, you will sureley MARRY your hubby to be.

Also, since your onley 27 (I am 33), you have 6 more year’s b/f you need to worry about babie’s, but with all of the fuss in Britan about the royals and the babies, many Brit’s are getting pregnent right away b/c they want their child to be eligibel to MARRY the new king when he grow’s up, just like I thought Prince Harry would be OK if he did NOT party so much. Prince Willem is looseing his hair so I alway’s think of him like the manageing partner, but am sure Prince Willem has better breathe then the manageing partner, who is eateing alot of hardboiled eggs at work lateley. FOOEY!

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Window’s XT will NO LONGER be suported

MP's data backup plan is every bit as savvy and sophisticated as his firm's websight, tax practice's, billing guidelines, I could go on...

Ellen :

04/07/2014 at 1:57 pm

This is a smart p’ost. I will share it with the manageing partner! Our preparedness plan has us all backeing up our file’s on THUMM DRIVES, which the manageing partner got at a CLE event. He told us each day to copy all file’s onto these drive’s b/c if anything happen’s to our PC’s we will still have our file’s. The manageing partner gave us these THUMM Drives after the teck guy’s said we should upgrade so that our server could handel this, but the manageing partner does NOT want to spend $2000 for a decent server. The teck guy said that Window’s XT will NO LONGER be suported after tomorrow, so he said he could NOT assure our security. I want a new computer, but the manageing partner say’s I should just use my MacBook Air if I do NOT like the PC on my desk. FOOEY!

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some “wifeley secret’s”

Willem made a logical decision, with all this stalleing from Ellen. How else was he ever going to get an answer? "A littel pressure" was precisely his intent, but he's tried everything else, for month's, so no fault. 

I actually think Myrna's openness to Harold is the bigger story here, though (see bottom). Sure she says she's kidding, but these jokes demonstrate a fair bit of imagination--as to how she would power through the dread assignment of sleeping with him. What's going on?

Ellen :

04/07/2014 at 9:48 am

Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love Pricey Monday’s and this Sheathe dress! But what is with the model’s leg’s? She look’s like she was rideing a horse all weekend, no? Myrna participated in some sort of IRON WOMAN contest on the beach over the weekend and there were alot of SCAREY women there–one woman even had a mustach! FOOEY! But Myrna did well, especialy in the run on the beach where she even beat the woman with the mustach. We found out later that the woman with the mustach worked for the local fire departement! DOUBEL FOOEY, b/c if you are in a fire, you do NOT want your mustach (or any other hair) to catch on FIRE!

Willem bought me a ticket to Belgum for June 8, which he say’s is OK b/c if I can NOT make it, it is fuly refundeable, but I am feeleing a littel pressure now to have to date him exclusivly b/c it is soooo expensive to go to Belgum on a refundeable ticket! Beside’s his mother and grandmother now want me over there to teach me some “wifeley secret’s”….I can ONLEY wonder what that is about. Also, the manageing partner keep’s asking about new case’s and he does NOT want me doieng any PRO BONO this summer, like I have done with peeople who need estate planning advise, which Madeline and I do at the local law school. TRIPEL FOOEY b/c some of those peeople have money and eligibel son’s that I might be able to date and MARRY, so I would NOT have to go to Belgum.

I found a $5 bill on the beach–it was bloweing around and there was NOT one person to ask if it was their’s, so Myrna and I went to Dunking Donut’s and had a coffee and donut with it! YAY!!!! We did NOT tell Dad, b/c he was NOT pleased with my tuchus and said that it is no wonder that only a Belgan person would want to marry me and that tuchus, b/c it get’s cold in the winter in Belgum, and he remember’s spending a few nights with a Belgan woman with a big tuchus. Mom was NOT happy to hear this, but she was NOT suprised, b/c Dad has alway’s had a big ego (and a lot of testerone, mom say’s, that make’s him need to have women at night). FOOEY, b/c I do NOT want Willem needeing me at night.

Harold also texted me. He said he was passeing Crumb’s and thought of me. I do NOT want men thinkeing of me just when they pass a bakery. Myrna think’s Harold might be fun, even if he is baldeing and has bad breathe. She say’s she can wash his mouth out with Listereane, and put a bag over his head if she has to. FOOEY b/c I could NEVER think of him in a sexueal way. I keep thinkeing of the manageing partner, and that is what Harold will look like in mabye 30 year’s! DOUBEL FOOEY!

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It is a littel MACHO

EXPERRIME'NT!!! I am leaveing out Ellen post's that I missed! Can you possibly handel it, readers? I know just about everyone who is real and can walk through the world will forgive me, but I have some extremely persnickety phantom readers (all employed at S&S--huge firm that it is). For those of you who do feel this might bring about the world's end, please post either neglected material or editorial's on same in the COMENTS! Yay!!!

As to the text at hand: gross but predictable that a judge is hitting on Ellen. More surprising that she thinks he's a prospect for Myrna--how so? If anything, Myrna has more leverage on the dating scene, and unlike Ellen she has nothing to gain career-wise by cozying up on the bench.

Ellen :

04/04/2014 at 3:27 pm

Yay! Open thread’s! I love Open thread’s! And Friday, b/c I am on my way soon to go eat Frittatta’s at home with Myrna.

But as for the OP, who wan’ts a good place to eat between the THEATER District and Penn Station, I think your best bet is Ruth Chriss’s Steak House. It is a littel MACHO, with dark wood everywhere, but they have GREAT food and Potatoe’s that dad absolutely forbid’s me to eat b/c it goes directley to my tuchus he say’s. But I do NOT mind eating alot of potatoe’s b/c they are so good with sour cream on them and the steak’s are VERY juicy b/c there is alot of MARBELING (meaning fatty, but good).

You DO have to tell them NOT to grill the steak’s with BUTTER ON THEM b/c that only makes it MORE Calories then what you need, but if you forget, it is so good (but not for your tuchus). If you are goieng to the theater, just look up where they are — I think somewhere around 49th street. You could also go to Capital Grille, which is similar, but there are some waiter’s there that love to stare at my boobie’s, so make sure to wear a TURTELNECK so they won’t see anything.

I met a judge today at Macy’s, where I was lookeing at their big sale’s this weekend. The judge recognized me from Center Street, but I do NOT think I ever had a case in front of him. He is freind’s with my Judge, but he does NOT handel WC cases on Special Term. He asked if I was married, but he could see I had NO ring. I said no, so he said I should drop by his chamber’s the next time I was in court and we could talk. I realy did NOT know what to say so I just said that mabye I would tho I have to do 600 more hours, and my time with him would NOT be billeable unless I could find some NEXXUS to a case I was working on. He said that our talk could be viewed as general education, and I said that the manageing partner let’s me allocate those hour’s to my cleint’s.

He is a little old for me (mabye 55), but he said he work’s out at the NYSC downtown. He said he saw me with my lit bag, and remembered me to be very “strikeing”. I hope I do NOT stand out that much in a crowd, but this guy sure knew alot about me.

I will have to tell Myrna about this judge, b/c he could have some possibilitie’s for Myrna, if not for me. She is younger, but she is very worldly and could talk to this guy about alot of thing’s I can NOT. FOOEY b/c I need a smart guy, but I think this guy onley makes about $150,000 / year, and that is NOT enough to support me and my children. I also do NOT think I would like him haveing sex with me b/c he is also bald and need’s to use some kind of Mouthwash. FOOEY!

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• Karin :

  04/05/2014 at 4:27 pm
  Ellen, you are attracting the wrong men. You need to go to a party with people your own age or you will always have judges, professors and other geriatrics looking to spread their seed after you for your youth and fecundity. These narcissistic men will surely impregnate you if it’s the last thing they do, but won’t be around 20 years down the road for their high school graduations. If you really want a child right now, go to a party in Williamsburg or Dumbo where plenty of men are available for stairwell sex and the kind of anonymity you want to keep losers out of your child’s upbringing. But stay away from geezers who will likely have to shoot many blanks before hitting pay dirt with you.
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through the SNOW with my Fitbit

Thank's, Nora. Nora was hitting it pretty hard on ELLENWatch today as well. 

Are we actually thinking about meeting Harold at Crumb's this weekend? Baked goods with this guy were never a good idea before! And I thought he'd been disqualified, as they say, six ways from Sunday anyhow. Young, bald, unemployed, heedless, related to her boss...I'd say you were right the first (and third) times, Ellen. There must be other men in New York. Indeed I think you know a few of them, some offering to whisk you away to distant land's! 

Ellen :

04/01/2014 at 2:50 pm

Fooey! I do not think I would wear this, even in the winter when I have to walk through the SNOW with my Fitbit. I agree this will keep my face warm, but do NOT think it look’s that nice. I do NOT want to be thought of as a terorist. DOUBEL FOOEY! Today’s pick’s are a littel unusual, Kat. I would have prefered a NICE HERMES scarf or something like that if you want to stay warm.

BTW, Harold showed up today in the office, and he could use this. He has very littel hair on the top of his head, like the manageing partner, but he is groweing a beard with sideburn’s. It almost look’s like his head is upside down. I told that to Frank and he agreed. Harold want’s to meet me at Crumbs over the weekend. I said Mabye. Madeline got caught today in the toilet. The lock broke with her inside so we had to call the building JANITOR’s to get her out of there. I can’t wait until we MOVE, but we have no place to go! There are some new teck guy’s who moved in next door and they are so wierd! The guy’s look into our glass window to stare at us. I think they have never seen peeople who are NOT computer nerd’s! FOOEY on nerd’s! FOOEY!

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Nora :

04/01/2014 at 4:43 pm

This is an April fool’s joke. Don’t be too serious today. Men will be there for you. None are unique; in fact as my mom says, turn ‘em upside down and all men look alike. Trust me on this one.

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women who have been abel to harness their men

Here was Ellen's response to the April Fool's post asking what kinds of articels Corporette readers would like to see. (She may not have noticed that DAD was invited to join a roundtable on Living One's Life Correctly--reading comprehension has never been one of Ellen's strengths.) I'd actually love to see such a thread too, however! "Manageing Your Men: From Home to Office."

Ellen :

04/01/2014 at 1:39 pm

I would like to see a special place on Corporete where profesional women like me can discuss the dificultie’s associated with balance work and a career with home and family issue’s. Personaly, I think I have figured out the work thing pretty well, but the personal family side is a mess. FOOEY! Men are so dificult to figure out and I would LOVE to hear from women who have been abel to harness their men (like Rosa) and have a good family life as MARRIED HUSBAND AND WIFE, so that the wife (me) can enjoy a home life rather then haveing to bill 6600 hour’s a year so that the manageing partner get’s rich on his 53 foot boat or whatever it is. In my case, I think the manageing partner just think’s of me as a billeing machine who can generate alot of revenue so that he and Margie can live big at the Hampton’s while I slave away day and night to keep up my billeings. A place on this websight where women can trade tip’s on how to handel men would be great Kat! YAY!!!!

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YAY! B/c That is what I want

I never knew that Ellen wanted an SUV to go with her suburban home, family, and job-free second lease on life! I don't believe she has a car at all right now, but this dream, at least, is attainable by merit. 

Dad's freind's son has yet to make his official entrance, but again I say...give this guy a name! Remember, Frank is taken by two characters at this point. Try something else. Like BROCK or ROCK.

Ellen :

04/01/2014 at 10:07 am

I agree. These are cute, but I could not wear them at work b/c Frank would be stareing at my leg’s as well as my tuchus, particulearely if I took off the jacket. I have enough of an issue with the manageing partner b/c I do NOT think he would reimburse me for this outfit. It IS, however, one that ROSA could wear if she EVER decided she needed to go back into the 9-5 workeforce. But for now, with raiseing the kid’s and manageing her house and housekeepeing in Chapeauqa, she is already VERY busy; to busy to even think about workeing OUTSIDE the house. YAY! B/c That is what I want for me. A beautiful house, kid’s and a husband that work’s hard to make sure there is enough money to pay for all of that, and my NEW SUV!

I spoke with the manageing partner about the extra 600 hour’s and he told me that he could NOT even consider anything new b/c he has a new BUDGET that he is workeing on that factor’s in our new space, which he has NOT found yet, but which he say’s will cost alot more, and give me a WINDOW! I told him I would perfer not to have a window as long as I got $75K and kept my clotheing allowance. He said I could not have both in his budget, which ONLEY has me down for the clotheing allowance. He told me I may be luckey to be abel to keep the clotheing allowance with all of the increased cost’s. He said to talk to Frank about the space, but Frank is in the toilet again, with his NY P’ost readeing about the MET’s! FOOEY! Why do men alway’s read in the toilet?

Dad’s freind’s son is goeing to call. He was NOT abel to come to my birtheday party on Sunday, but his dad took home some Corn Beef for him. Eveidenteally he is a big deli fan like me–YAY! At least he is not a complete looser! I hope he is abel to meet me. Myrna also want’s to meet him, so I will sugest that he take us BOTH out. He will be luckey to have two beautiful women to entertain and we will get good food out of it! YAY!!!!!

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