if we all carry ourselves with the dignity of Ellen Barshevsky.

You didn't think I would skip this one, did you? Ellen herself may not have wayed in on this past weekend's discussion about discussion, but a number of loyal fans brought her in in spirit. Entirely fitting, say I. Firstly, while many things may have changed on Corporette over the years, Ellen assuredly has not. Secondly, I agree that she is unmatched if you're looking for a bright, cheery tone and consistent life goals (for looseing weight and getting pregnant, if not in her career). 

I was a bit surprised to see such support from cbackson, who is an unerringly real person. All the more welcome, though!

Kelley B :

04/26/2014 at 9:51 am

I think the site is fine. And I also really like that people are humble. And the best is Ellen Barshevsky, who always says things with a smile, even though she has issues with her boss, men and living in NY City.

We all need to take a step back and not get so stuck on ourselves. It probably would be a good thing if we all carry ourselves with the dignity of Ellen Barshevsky. Where is she when we need her views on this thread?

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• Francine :

  04/26/2014 at 11:46 am
  I love Ellen. She is very down to earth and not afraid to share her feelings. I hope she finds a husband soon. She probably will be a great mom. I’d set her up with my brother but he’s too much of a player for her.
  Reply Report

cbackson :

04/26/2014 at 4:31 pm

It’s funny, but in a weird way I truly do feel like Ellen is the soul of this site. For all of her…Ellen-ness, in the end, she’s just a young woman trying to find career success and a guy who loves her for her (even with her ample tuchus!). Ellen doesn’t take disrespect from men, she cares about her community, and she has real, meaningful friendships with her female friends. IDK, I kind of feel like I know her…even though she isn’t real.

Here’s to you, Ellen Barshevsky.

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• Selena :

  04/26/2014 at 5:14 pm
  I second the motion. Ellen is clearly a gem, and she is our gem. As far as I can tell, she is not posting on the ABA bulletin board any more — instead, she has grown up from a brash law student into a young lady who is achieving fame and fortune in her own small world of workers compensation, and keeping us up to speed with her personal life here, rather than with the ABA. I agree she should find a man, have children and return to the life of her childhood, being like her own mom baking cookies and cakes, and slipping them to her own issue much like her mom does for her. Go Ellen!
  Reply Report
• Pandoraphile :

  04/27/2014 at 12:37 pm
  I third the motion! Ellen is a great distraction from work because many of us have the same kind of jerks in our office. Personally, I also have a manager who is quirky, and a co-worker with digestive issues that results in a host of excess gas within the office (though no bathroom/toilet in the center of the office that he sits in all day). And needless to say, we all have had issues with our admin assistants (a/k/a secretaries) who can be very helpful at times and very useless at others.

  So I look forward to Ellen’s daily posts, even if Corporette does not have a spell-check function for her! Keep up the great work, Ellen!!!!!!!!!
  
  
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[2th ANNIVER'SARY! Yayy]

That's right, fan's. We've been ELLENWatching here for two whole years now. Amazeing how far we haven't come, right? 

I have gotten the feedback that Real Ellen has probably been itching, this whole time, to contact me privately and reveal herself and all her mysteries. Like "Hi, I am Ellen, big fan of your blog about me, and here's my deal and Why(TF) I've been doing this since 2008." So to acknowledge this inevitability and ease its coming to pass, I am finally connecting an email account to this blog. Have at it, imposter's, fake minions, and real people (if any are out there anymore)! I now await your personal missives: ELLENWatchblog at g m a i l. 

Celebreate good time's!

Come on.

EW

[Tenley seek's advice]

Probably true, tesyaa. Thanks for calling this to my attention. I've seen a few other likely Ellen affiliates overusing the garden metaphor, and in this case it even looks like the alias could be referring to Alan. He was, after all, by some reports a rather lackluster lover, and he has indeed been trying to get back in touch this spring (via phone, his mom, and Corporette).

Tenley :

03/18/2014 at 4:24 pm

I wonder if its a sign of Spring here in the Northeast?

A guy I used to date last Spring called me last week looking to tend my lady garden. It’s been a long, cold winter and now that the frost is over, I would appreciate a little tilling, but I am not sure I want him doing the gardeining again, as he proved useless when it came last year to the harvest season. Any ideas, ladies?

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• And this is what happens... :

  03/18/2014 at 4:29 pm
  When you take garden analogies waaaaaaaaay too far.
  Reply Report
  • tesyaa :

    03/18/2014 at 4:34 pm
    I think Tenley might be one of Ellen’s friends, not sure.
    Reply Report
    • Orangerie :

      03/18/2014 at 4:38 pm
      I also assumed it was a troll. That said, the garden metaphors have grown quite tiresome.
      Reply Report
• Anonymous :

  03/18/2014 at 4:36 pm
  wut
  Reply Report
• The obvious response :

  03/18/2014 at 4:37 pm
  Tell him to plant his seeds somewhere else.
  Reply Report
• Olivia Pope :

  03/18/2014 at 4:42 pm
  He was “useless” before? I wouldn’t see the point.
  Reply Report
• rook :

  03/18/2014 at 4:53 pm
  Tell him it’s grown into a brier patch?
  Reply Report
• Sydney Bristow :

  03/18/2014 at 5:04 pm
  Wouldn’t harvest season imply giving birth?
  Reply Report

[Vera return's]

Y'all already know that Vera is one of our working aliases. Here she is (a) wondering if she needs to be worried about the Ukraine--perhaps her cousins' names rhyme with Igor and Oleg? 

And also (b) proposing some bizarre work changeup in which everybody's manageing partners would get shocked into submission. 

Perhaps Vera can lend Ellen some of her imagination and initiative. Our main storyline is where nothing like this could ever even be conceived.

Vera :

03/03/2014 at 5:52 pm

I heard about this. Is this something we should be concerned about? I have a cousin from the Ukraine.

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• Wildkitten :

  03/03/2014 at 6:07 pm
  Yes.
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Vera :

03/03/2014 at 5:57 pm

RAWRR! I am also so sick of my job and so need to make a break.

Wouldn’t it be totally awesome if everyone quit their jobs on the same day, then just moved one job to the left or right the next day? We can only hope that our horrible bosses would lose their cookies (which they deserve to do) and respect us.

But they wouldn’t, so all I can do is RAWRR!!!!

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that I do NOT copy opposeing counsel

The content here is a yawn, and if it was on Corporette I probably would have passed it over. However, here is Ellen weighing in elsewhere on the fascinating topic of email habit's. Nobody replied, whaddya know! 

Actually the only interesting thing about this po'st is that it confirms she's sworn off Disqus, at least for now. Gone are the days of several (there's the first) fabulous Ellen profiles that did all my work for me! I can't imagine why she accepts. even abets, my obsessive monitoring on Corporette while being determined to throw me off her trail everywhere else on the internet. (...Actually, I can imagine, and when I do my imagination wanders off to the issue of IP address tracing and how much easier it might theoretically be when all of one's comments are consolidated under a single account.)

As alway's, if anyone else sees something I missed please share it here! As you can see I am fairly late to this one.

• 

  Ellen Barshevsky 

  • 5 months ago

  • −

  I am VERY PROMPT in replying to my e-mails. The judge like's that I am so responsive, especially b/c I do NOT do any kind of email's to him that I do NOT copy opposeing counsel. YAY!

   

  •

  Reply

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  Share › 

  
  

does NOT have to shouvel

Interesting, Wildkitten (click through, below, to see what she was talking about). This brings us back to the discussion of whether Ellen is actually a troll in the traditional definition of the term--and for my two cents she is not. Most people tend to think of trolling as leaving insulting/inflammatory comments on others' content, but not as developing a persona in great detail. Yes, almost every Ellen post espouses views or values that can be expected to rankle, especially on Corporette, but she doesn't make it seem like her primary aim. 

I think of Ellen more as a self-appointed court jester, a clumsy satirist, a buffoon who isn't even reflective enough to be self-deprecating per se. As for the person(s) behind her, I could never attempt to speculate at motives or even means. As always, comments and disagreements are invited--this is like existentialism for ELLENWatch! 

Ellen :

02/13/2014 at 3:57 pm

I think snow is great, so long as you dont have to walk in it or shouvel it. Otherwise, its FOOEY! When we were young, Rosa built a snow man and we had alot of fun. I do NOT like snow now, b/c my dad make’s me walk to work with my fitbit, rain or snow or not. He get’s mad when I take the 6 line and say’s I could be svelte and MARRIED if I walk, b/c I can meet a man and have the kind of tuchus he want’s. I think he is a littel crazy over my tuchus being to big, but he does not care about snow b/c he has a man who come’s by with a plow and he does NOT have to shouvel. The manageing partner is workeing from home so he does not care either.

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• Wildkitten :

  02/13/2014 at 6:09 pm
  Oh, Ellen, this article in Time made me think of you:http://newsfeed.time.com/2014/02/13/internet-trolls-are-actually-sadists-study-finds/
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there is a mule that come’s up

Far be it from me to try to deconstruct Ellen's intricate creative inspirations, but a mule? For Fred? My best guess is that this is a comment on his stubbornness; he keeps contacting Ellen despite zero demonstration of interest from her. Far behind that possibility is the simple association with gross animals--he's a pet store owner and tries to send kitty litter as a love token sometimes. 

Thank's to the ELLENWatchers here discussing her spelling of "suede." tesyaa, I am first of all impressed that you had any reason to be writing this word when you were a little kid--I don't think I even knew what it was until high school. Second, I agree that generally this just isn't something about Ellen that can be pinned down: some word's she misspells in exactly the same way every time, others she mixes up on whim, and still others she occasionally or formerly knew how to spell but have since descended into madness.

I think we have to assume that Grandma Trudy is Ellen's mom's mom. Is she still with us, pray? 

Ellen :

02/03/2014 at 3:03 pm

I agree. I love these pump’s but every time I read the word HUSH PUPPIE’S, I think of my dad when I was a little girl, and how he used to wear these clunky shoe’s that were swade, and how mad he got when he stepped in Susie’s poopie b/c there was tread on the bottom of those shoe’s. Suzie was our little puppie that did NOT ever get house broken b/f we gave it to Grandma Trudy.

Anyway, the IRS guy is still talkeing to the manageing partner, and I see that the manageing partner is sweateing b/c he has sweat ring’s under his arm’s of his suit. It is hot in here and he NEVER wear’s his jacket, but today, he is and you can tell he is sweateing! FOOEY! Margie will be mad that his suit has sweateing stains on it unless they can be dry cleaned out, he will need a new suit. FOOEY b/c that mean’s less money for Margie to spend on herself.

Sam texted me about food, and so did FRED. I should never have given that guy my cell number. I should have just given him my FIOS number at home. What a jerk I was b/c his message’s keep poppeing up on my phone. I put a picture of a mule next to him so every time he call’s or text’s, there is a mule that come’s up, so at least it’s funny.

I have not put a picture up for Sam, and was thinkeing I should put a picture up of a winkie, but that would NOT be professional if I was in a meeting and all of a sudden a winkie showed up on my IPHONE. FOOEY! Willem also want’s to meet. He is a littel to stiff for me tho. I need a guy who is freindly but not that stiff.

Myrna thought the guy at the superbowl party was a jerk, but she knew him. She asked me if I wanted to date him. I said DOUBEL FOOEY to that!

I need a new guy in my life. YAY!!!!!

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• tesyaa :

  02/03/2014 at 3:58 pm
  Ellen is super consistent about spelling suede “swade”. Most people who don’t know how to spell aren’t quite so consistent. Let’s see a suade, suedd, or my fave, and how I spelled it as a little kid, “swayed”.
  Reply Report

January :

02/03/2014 at 4:18 pm

I’m not sure it’s so much that Ellen doesn’t know how to spell as that she has her own language.

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what was goieng on here then

1. I knew it! MP and perhaps some of his cohorts have been up to no good for year's, and now they're finally in a position to get caught. Just in time, Ellen is here, the rosy-cheeked junior partner with no effective vote, to take the fall. Dad's fingerprints won't be found anywhere in the audit because he didn't do the consulting work for Manageing & MANAGEING until 2013, so he has no reason to worry either. Look out, Ellen! You might want to leave the country and change your name, actually.
2. She was in college in 2003? This is pushing it, based on the maddeningly little evidence I have to date about what her age might be. Clarify that you graduated that year, protagonist, and we can call it even. But otherwise I just want your full DOB so we can stop these games. 

Ellen :

01/31/2014 at 3:42 pm

Yay! Open thread’s! I love open thread’s, but OMG, the manageing partner made me come back to work early today b/c we got notice of an IRS Audit of the firm. The manageing partner said I have to get my record’s together b/c the firm was onley recentley converted to an LLC and before that it was a partnership and had it’s own set of return’s that are now subject to IRS audit for the year’s 2003-2011. I told the manageing partner I was still in college in 2003, so how would I know anything about what was goieng on here then! He said we have to work all weekend b/c the IRS will be sendeing a guy to look at our record’s and ask question’s on our return’s. FOOEY! I hope this goe’s away fast, b/c the manageing partner says we can not bill the time we waste with this IRS guy to any of our cleint’s!

Since I am now a partner, he said that I could be libel, but dad says I was not a partner then. HELP! I hope dad is right b/c this is turneing out to be a big pain and I might not be abel to go tothe Superbowl party. FOOEY!

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then I am a thrify one.

I suspect the highlight here was a typo on Ellen's part (shocking, I know). March 2014, is it, when Ellen will regain access to her own damn money? Around the time of her 3-Nth birthday?

tesyaa aptly points out that Ellen has correctly used "spendthrift" where so many others fail. I think it's beautiful that we can appreciate rare glimmers of correctness in a dark sea of fooeys.

Ellen :

01/16/2014 at 3:26 pm

I do NOT have any experience with mediteation, but I love this handbag! I wish DAD would let me buy some thing new, but he has blocked my credit cards through the end of March 2013. That also means that I can NOT even go out to dinner unless I get cash from my DEBITT Card! FOOEY! He think’s I am a spend thrift? If I am then I am a thrify one. FOOEY b/c I like to pick up a check but I can ONLEY do that at work with our FIRM’s AMEX BLACK CARD! YAY!

I will have to ask the manageing partner if I can use it if I promise to remburese the firm for any personal use until I get my own credit card’s back. What would the hive do?

DOUBEL FOOEY!

Does their dad’s also make them do dumm thing’s like this? Do any manageing partner’s let you use their credit card’s if you pay them back? TRIPEL FOOEY!

I found out MYRNA will no longer go out with this guy b/c he is NOT interested in anything more meaningful and even tho Myrna was not in it for a LT releationship, she thought the guy was very petty. He said she was NOT curvey enough for him! What is he, Jared Leto? FOOEY on men that think they are movie star’s! FOOEY!

Reply

• tesyaa :

  01/16/2014 at 3:58 pm
  Ellen, kudos on knowing the meaning of the word spendthrift. A lot of people get it totally wrong.
  Reply
• Godzilla :

  01/16/2014 at 4:13 pm
  Honey, it’s 2014. You can use your credit cards again! YAY!
  Reply
• anon :

  01/17/2014 at 10:26 am
  I would…use my debit card to pay for things with my OWN MUNEY!
  Reply

NO imaculate conception

As several readers and I remarked, it was indeed an IMPOSTER who announced her pregnancy on Corporette yesterday. Leyeh's $50,000 has been delivered, therefore, not as a prize for single motherhood (she had already stipulated she would not fund that) but as a reward for making partner/consolation in the acknowledgment that Ellen is never going to be able to trick anyone into marrying her. Two cheers for remaining a one-person household and bringing in a bit of extra money to offset all of MP's inevitable fleecing in the year(s) ahead.

Ellen :

01/09/2014 at 4:27 pm

I need to ask my dad b/c he does everything. Actually, I am not even sure what my morgage is b/c dad pay’s for it. My salary goes into my ACCOUNT, and my expenses go OUT of my account and once in a while, Dad ask’s me to sign thing’s for the ACCOUNT.

I want the HIVE to know there is another Ellen going around saying she is PREGNANT. That is NOT me. I have NOT even had s-e-x with a guy since Alan. So there is NO imaculate conception going on in the Barshevsky house either. I wish that I was, mabye, but that require’s an intervention from a man, and I have YET to find a man worthy of fathering my child, and that man would have to MARRY me first. FOOEY on men that would JUST want to impregenate me and then walk away. I am NOT that kind of girl. DOUBEL FOOEY!

Where is the man that will MARRY me? That is the question of the year, Grandma Leyeh say’s! Yay for Grandma Leyeh. Her $50K wire to my bank went thru! DOUBEL YAY!!!!!

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[Potential Fraud #1]

This (see bottom comment) was the possible Rogue Ellen entrance that I referred to in yesterday's emergency out-of-order post. It seems too easy and too spare to be consistent with the normative Ellen of recent months. Note that I'm avoiding terms like "fake" and "real" because, as we've discussed so often here, they really don't apply. 

Anonymous :

01/08/2014 at 1:16 pm

Seriously? Come on. Some people are overweight. Unhealthily overweight. Meaning…yes, they should lose weight. I know certain terms push people’s buttons, but I frankly think the PC police can do more harm than good in certain situations. Kat is not fat-shaming in this post. She’s talking about clothing for real bodies as they exist in the world.

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• Anonymous :

  01/08/2014 at 1:29 pm
  +1
  Reply
• anon :

  01/08/2014 at 1:33 pm
  And there was a kerfuffle yesterday about how plus size is defined. So you just can’t win. Overweight is appropriate.
  Reply
• Ellen :

  01/08/2014 at 2:18 pm
  This is ME!!!!! FOOEY!!

  I want a smaller TUCHUS!!!!
  Reply

[Emergency call-out]

I wouldn't be posteing this out of order if it wasn't absolutely necessary. But, wtf? I'm fairly certain that the below post (and perhaps one or more from yesterday) are by a rogue Ellen. So Rogue Ellen, why? This is a major departure from our storyline, and you're not even bothering to supply a few supporting paragraphs as competition! Very disruptive, and you're bound for a confrontation with Establishment Ellen sooner or later. Honestly I'd be fine with a few more co-creators of Ellen's autobiography, but this is just sloppy. Explain yo'self. 

Ellen :

01/09/2014 at 12:28 pm

Yay! I’m PREGNINT! I cant WEIGHT to have this BABBY!

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[BACK]

Ellen suspected Clem was short for Clementine.

Thank's for somehow manageing to make due without me, reader's! I am back and grateful for your understanding. It seem's that preemptively apologizing to the Sunshine Girls, and acknowledging that they will guilt me anyway, actually worked. Then again, they haven't been the most diligent themselves over the holidays...after accusing me of being, or at least vacationing with, Ellen...

Which is why we may still be missing a few post's. I'll amend where I can, but I think we have a pretty good sense here as to how Ellen's trip to Myrtle Beach went. Not sure why Clem got a name--unless he is going to be heard from again or otherwise re-enter the story down the road? Really the only important notes I have from this merry season are:

1. There was no dude harvest in South Carolina.
2. Sam kissed Ellen on NYE (at a party at Myrna's).
3. Ellen actually is a partner at Manageing & MANAGEING LLP, now, unless in a shocking departure from character she has overlooked or ignored some glaring and unpleasant reality about her actual status as compared with her perception thereof. Or unless MP, again in an utterly startling reversal of the norm, has somehow put one over on his pleasantly plump associate and is benefiting from her blissful ignorance.

I do want to take a moment to acknowledge that #3 above, if actually true, represents the first reader request granted from Poll #3, in which I asked what people wanted to happen in Ellen's life. Recall that the time span on these wishes was not the calendar year, but rather the ELLENWatch year, which ends in March (on this baby's second birthday). So we still have time to put a ring on it and get the F rid of Dad before the real celebration!

Hope you all had a lovely stretch without me, and welcome back!

***UPDATE, 1-6:*** Oooleander has filled in the blanks by supplying additional missed post's below. Thank you, Sunshine! I didn't mean to trick you into takeing over my job/tsk-ing me/praising me, but it worked out very well just the same. The only thing I'd add to the above, upon these additions, is that it does indeed look like Clem got a name because he will be re-entering our storyline at some time in the future. Southern lad comes to New York, I suspect? (He's sleeping on Myrna's floor.)