ELLENWatch: March 2012

Friday, March 30, 2012

the guys here are all loosers

Ellen March 30, 2012 at 11:28 am

I agree. If you can find ANY good men over there, please REPORT back, or send them HERE and take there job, since the guys here are all loosers, and I want to find a guy WORTHY of marrage. FOOEY!

I got the last laff

To my knowledge, this is the first information we've gotten about Alan's appearance. As to news, it looks like LARRY was a nonstarter.

Ellen March 30, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Alan also had a very FAT neck (to go with his FAT head). When we were dateing, his neck would get the PILLOWs all sweaty and dirty.

I told him that he HAD to wash his head and FAT NECK before he could Lie down on my bed OR on my couch. He got very angry, b/c I said his neck was fat. It also got very RED in the summer, b/c he has red hair and is fair skined.

So he covered his NECK in the summer with a towel, and I told him he looked like a FAT Jack La Layne. He then wanted to sleep with me, and I said NO. FOOEY on him. I got the last laff, and now I am looking for a NEW boyfriend. FOOEY on ALAN!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

FOOEY on those firm parties.

Ellen March 29, 2012 at 10:42 am

IN my firm, the manageing partner makes sure He does NOT get drunk, so that we make good impresion on the cleints.

But if their are NO cleints, then he let’s the men drink alot. That is bad b/c they all start stareing at me, NOT just the manageing partner.

I wish they would just stare at there wives, NOT me. I am NOT there Playboy bunny, and DO not apreciate getting pinched. FOOEY on those firm parties.

I would NOT be workeing any more

Ellen's first expression of interest in consulteing.

Ellen March 29, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Me to. I would buy 100 pairs of shoe’s and GIVE them away! I would even give Alan a pair of new boots, so he would not look so DUMB wearing his FRYE boots.

I also would give notice to the manageing partner that I would NOT be workeing any more, and then would go to the Empire State Building and rent a suite so that I can establish my OWN consulteing BUSINESS.

Yay! I would be free and would NOT even need to get MARRIED! FOOEY on men!

I think I want to become a judge

Ellen March 28, 2012 at 4:34 pm

I would DO it. Having practiced now in a law firm, I think I want to become a judge and what better expereince could their be then to CLERK!!!!

I could NOT get this job out of school b/c I was not in the top 10%, but NOW, b/c of my EXPEREINCE, I think I would DO it well. And if the judge is nice, it would be an improvment over the manageing partner, who is very BUSY stareing at me all day.

I am better then all that. FOOEY!

trying to hard to be cute!

I appreciate the styeleistic criticism going on here. But no opinion, myself. I will note that the increasing emphasis, in recent posts, on the manageing partner's bad breathe does seem unusually responsive to reader comments--namely, Kanye East's frequent mention of this particular issue.

Ellen March 28, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Me too, but it is a little to Easter’y for me!!!!

MOROVER, I think I would look just like the EASTER bunny weareing this suit, and the manageing partner WOULD objectify me by saying that I am trying to hard to be cute!

So THEREFORE, I will stick to gray and black and tan suits, so that he can NOT start thinking of me as his cute little play pet! Fooey on him and his bad breathe.

TCFKAG March 28, 2012 at 5:25 pm

The manageing partner objectifies the Easter Bunny? Does that mean he’s a furry? This is a whole new development in his character, how exciting!

Plan B March 28, 2012 at 9:47 pm: This made my day.

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Godzilla March 28, 2012 at 5:45 pm

I don’t like this Ellen. Not enough deviant spelling and too much appropriate capslock. Try again later.

LadyGotham March 28, 2012 at 6:22 pm: Agreed. Clearly not the original Ellen.

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Monday, March 26, 2012

That should bring him to the table pronto.

This is NOT the first time Ellen has posted as "Lourine." It is unclear who this boyfriend is who "fixed the issue," given that Ellen has only exes at this time.

In this post as in prior Lourine comments, Ellen's spelling seems to improve from the usual.

Lourine March 26, 2012 at 10:14 am

You should NOT have sex with him until this is ALL straightened out. That should bring him to the table pronto.

When I was in the same situation, I stopped having sex with my boyfriend. It got him all thinking to fix the issue. And he did. You have a lot of power over him. Use it!!

Sunday, March 25, 2012

"I feel like someone should be compiling a book of these for posterity…"

Welcome. Starting this blog is one of those things one does because one keeps wishing someone else would do it.

The Pages linked at right represent my collection, thus far, of known information about Ellen. Future posts will be dedicated to reporting/commenting on key statements from our girl. The main source is Corporette.com, because that is where ELLEN graces us most often. However, I am Google-alerted to any other site where Ellen posts under her full name, and try to catch others where she uses only her first name as well. I have found in the past that Ellen's comments on blogs other than Corporette tend to be styleistically similar but somewhat different in content (often funnier but less substantive).

I also hope to use this blog to reflect on why (the hell?!) Ellen speaks to me, and to solicit COMENTS from any other ELLENWatchers!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

HE has to PRE-APPROOVE the clotheing that I select.

Ellen March 21, 2012 at 2:39 pm

But it is WORTH it. Brook’s brothers has VERY CLASSEICAL Lines that make us look alot thinner, so why NOT I say.

The manageing partner told me he would pay up to the lesser of $350 or 20% that I spend to UPGRADE my wardrobe this year, but HE has to PRE-APPROOVE the clotheing that I select.

I first thought this was DUMB, but I spend alot, and $350 would be good. I just do NOT want him comeing to the store for fittings. FOOEY on that I told him.

I told him I would show him clotheing on the INTERNET and if he approved, I would then give him the copy of the bill and he would PAY me 20% up to $350 this year.

He is not all bad.

anon in DC March 21, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I’m not a lawyer but this doesn’t seem legal, or ethical…

TCFKAG March 21, 2012 at 4:00 pm: Why not? Why would it be different then a workplace that provided a uniform or clothes budget for its employees? (which btw, my dad’s does because its a union perk).
TCFKAG March 21, 2012 at 4:01 pm: Okay, the part about the manageing partner approving the clothes is a wee bit creepy, but not necessarily illegal or even unethical (as long as it isn’t used as a method of sexual harassment…which knowing this manageing partner I guess is questionable).

Godzilla March 21, 2012 at 4:09 pm

eLLEN, your manageing partner sounds like a DOOSH.

eek March 21, 2012 at 4:22 pm: I just spit out my Hawaiian Punch. PHOOOOOEY.

Monday, March 19, 2012

"the MANAGEING PARTNER was already eating it."

Hats off to Kanye East for recognizing (and coining the term for) an "Ellen Moment."

Kanye East March 19, 2012 at 4:22 pm

You guise I had an Ellen moment today.

Our receptionist ordered me a special gluten-free meal for a lunch meeting. When I got to the meeting, the MANAGEING PARTNER was already eating it.

He is always very obviously checking out what I wear every day, too.

OMG AM I ELLEN?!

AnonInfinity March 19, 2012 at 4:27 pm: Did the meal give him bad breathe?

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Blonde Lawyer March 19, 2012 at 4:46 pm: From one gluten free person to another, that sucks.

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Bluejay March 19, 2012 at 4:55 pm: Ha.

But seriously, how did you react? I have food allergies too and I’m always concerned that someone will eat my “special” food.

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jcb March 19, 2012 at 5:14 pm: Perhaps he thought that, being MANAGEING PARTNER, the extra special meal was clearly for him. How annoying! Hope you had some edible alternatives.

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Lawlala March 19, 2012 at 5:52 pm: Fooey on him!

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Monday March 19, 2012 at 6:07 pm: YAY!!! I am so happy you had a nice LUNCH!

You might get a PROMOTOIN from him also!

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mamabear March 19, 2012 at 7:14 pm: FOOEY!

Was he stareing at you while he ATE you’re LUNCH??

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I told him they smeled to strong and I did NOT like them

Ellen March 19, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Me to. The manageing partner now is lookeing for me to start getting cleints for the firm, so he wants me to dress acordingly.

I am NOT sure what he means, but I will NOT pay alot of money to dress in stodegey clotheing just so that I can get cleints.

He also had the maintanence people install some air frensheners in the bathroom that smell AWFUL! I told him they smeled to strong and I did NOT like them but he just smiled. FOOEY on that!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Can you imagine, a Green Sari?

Notice the two-day time window between initial theme post and update.

Ellen March 16, 2012 at 3:03 pm

The manageing partner was MAD at me today b/c I did NOT wear green. He said I should have come in wearing a green SARI.

Can you imagine, a Green Sari?

FOOEY on him. I will NOT let him make fun of me. FOOEY!

Ellen March 18, 2012 at 3:13 pm: A drunken guy with a smelley green shirt barfed all over my apartement hall way last night and the cleaneing staff will NOT be here clean it until Monday! Fooey!

Friday, March 16, 2012

wants to objectivize me as a woman

Ellen March 16, 2012 at 9:57 am

I think this remindes me of the MAD MEN women! I LOVE that show! And the price is right to!~

But the manageing partner wants to objectivize me as a woman and I will NOT have that so I will not wear this to work. FOOEY on him!

Lynnet March 16, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Has anyone else noticed that Ellen’s comments always show up late? I wonder if Kat has it set to send posts by that name immediately into moderation. Which then makes me wonder what kind of really inappropriate posts we’re being spared…

TCFKAG March 16, 2012 at 2:19 pm: Ellen has complained about this in the past. Though recently her posts have been ALMOST sensical — or else I’ve just been spending too much time on here.

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Friday, March 9, 2012

until I get a REAL comitment leeding to MARRAGE!

The first mention of Ellen's best (known) romantic prospect to date, LARRY.

Ellen March 9, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I wanted to be the FIRST to say I am back from doing my EBT’s and wanted to make sure every one knows I was NOT at the manageing partner for sneezeing on me. I did NOT have the flu, but do NOT like it when he shine’s his head with his dirty hankercheef!

I met a new guy, Larry, and he seem’s nice, but I am NOT going to let him get any where until AFTER I am sure he is sincere. That is what hapened with Alan. FOOEY on him.

Anonymous March 9, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Finally!!!!! Do NOT blOw this one Ellen.

Lyssa March 10, 2012 at 9:24 am

Or do, if she wants him to stick around. Hehe.

Valerie March 11, 2012 at 1:57 pm: Pftooey! You do want to start giving any guy on the street BJs on demand. Best to wait until after you get the ring to do that.

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karenpadi March 9, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Ellen, I dated a “Larry” a few months back, I hope it isn’t the same one. We might have to FIGHT over him.

Ellen March 9, 2012 at 8:05 pm: I hope NOT! NO man is worth Fighting for my dad says.

My Larry (and btw, I have NOT done anything sexuel with him –FOOEY!) is has a JD degree FROM Fordam University. He has a job also.

I agreed with my FATHER that I will not sacrefice my BODY for ANY man until I get a REAL comitment leeding to MARRAGE! Not like ALAN. Fooey on Alan.

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