Monday, April 30, 2012

I forgot and got my hair done.

Usually the formulation is "I would LIKE." In all other respects, though, this is classic.

Real NYC lawyers, any insight about this CLE at NYU over the weekend? Could MP's character actually be inspired by a real person who was on the program?

EllenApril 30, 2012 at 2:25 pm
I would like a purple wedge WITHOUT a peep toe for the summer. I do NOT like to have my toes exposed in the City, b/c there are a lot of VERY dirty puddel’s to step thru.
Kat moderated me out this morning, and I am still worreid b/c the manageing partner is still mad b/c I forgot all about his CLE at NYU this weekend. He invited me to go but I forgot and got my hair done. He called but I did NOT get his message; then I went and got shoes at Lord and Taylor. He is mad I think b/c he wanted to show me off to his law school freinds.
I do NOT like to be in the dog house, but he realy is MAD this time! Help!
GodzillaApril 30, 2012 at 4:00 pm
Ellen, don’t you know it’s PUDDELS, NOT PUDDEL’S???? You must starte to pay more ATTENSHUN.

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Saturday, April 28, 2012

just aproved my getting a RED sun dress

EllenApril 27, 2012 at 3:25 pm
I recomend going to Lord & Taylor. They have alot of shoes, even big one’s like Size 11. And you should ASK for the coopon that get’s you 20% off.
You could also try Macys. They also have 20% off if you are an OUT of TOWNER. My dad make’s me use my licence, which still is DC. When that expire’s, I am going to have to list my NYC address and LOOSE the discount. FOOEY!
The manageing partner just aproved my getting a RED sun dress, even tho I can ONLY wear it on Caseual Friday’s the SUMMER. I got his aproval b/c I told HIM I would stay an extra hour If Icould wear this dress then go DIRECTLY to the HAMTON’s Bus w/o haveing to go home to change. I think that was PRETTY CLEVER of me! You should do that to, if you have a manageing partner that subsedeizes your clotheing like mine. YAY!!!!!

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Friday, April 27, 2012

I just saw the SPACE SHUTTEL fly over Manhattan.

Ellen April 27, 2012 at 11:02 am

This sounds just like my EX–Alan Sheketovits!!!!!! He drank alot, and did NOT respect my request to STOP perfering the bottle to me. FOOEY on Alan!

I just saw the SPACE SHUTTEL fly over Manhattan. The manageing partner let me watch out of his window. He was to busy stareing at me, NOT the AIRPLANE carreying the SHUTTEL. I wish he would STOP doing that.

My father taught me the golden rule

Too much, you think?

Ellen April 27, 2012 at 10:35 am

If your the ONE with the money, you can wear alot of diferent things, but basicaly, you can wear ANYTHING you want! After all, they want your money, and that means that you are the one with the money.

My father taught me the golden rule: “He who has the gold make’s the rules”. So good luck on your REAL esetate venture. Hopefulley, if you will become the next Donald Trump, you can find me a BOYFRIEND to MARRY with money!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

[Lourine's revenge]

Well, today's Coffee Break was rich.


Ellen April 26, 2012 at 3:08 pm
I do NOT drive anymore since I moved into the CITY, but I had the same probelem when I drove my father’s SUV.
It maybe b/c of the pedals and your heels hitting the floor wrong. I never drove wearing my good shoe’s and you should NOT either.

Then Lourine, as did Laura yesterday, chimes in with comparative evaluation--along with several tributes from REAL readers elsewhere on the thread:

Shoe Destroyer no more April 26, 2012 at 4:47 pm
Thanks for the insight. I didn’t even think about driving as the culprit. I feel a little silly since even ELLEN knew what I was doing wrong! FOOEY!
KLG April 26, 2012 at 4:57 pm
+1 :)
qwerty April 26, 2012 at 5:07 pm
ellen has more wisdom than all of us combined
Lourine April 26, 2012 at 5:22 pm
She still is not as cute as me, even tho she has a JD degree and a paycheck.

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capeable of takeing care of Myself.

This one really doesn't call for any comment at all. Wonderful synthesis straight from the source.

I note that "subsidize" is misspelled just a bit differently every time she uses it. 

Ellen April 25, 2012 at 10:31 pm
This is pretty, but much to tight in the SEAT for me. My father is NOW getting on my case for eating to much over the holiday’s and he said I have a caboosse that could stop a fire truck. Thanks alot dad, but I am ONLY a size 6. FOOEY on him.
He is spoiled b/c I told him about the MANAGEING partner and the clotheing allowance and now he wants to have a voice in this also, b/c he helps to subsedeize my rent.
There are to many men in my life that want to CONTROL me. I say FOOEY to them. I am a big girl now capeable of takeing care of Myself. Not even Alan was smart enough for me.

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Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I will NOT celabrate Assistant’s Day

Shenanigans, you say? From Ellen? Really?  ;)

Ellen April 25, 2012 at 7:24 pm
I do NOT even have an asistant. I have to SHARE an assistant with the MANAGEING partner. She does NOT do anything for me, just the manageing partner. She is also very jelous of me b/c I am young and cute and she is NOT cute or young.
I THERFORE DECLARE that I will NOT celabrate Assistant’s Day with her. FOOEY!
Anon April 25, 2012 at 11:12 pm
Alrighty, Ellen, I’m calling shenanigans on you. I don’t think you are even a woman.

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If I was not GRAVYTAS oreinted

And ye shall receive! So glad to see our protagonist has not been unseated for long. Frances I could take or leave.

Ellen April 25, 2012 at 12:27 pm
I would VOTE for the GRAY.
The manageing partner told me I do NOT have enough GRAVYTAS! What is he talkeing about? I am very much aware of my ROLE as an attorney at law, and have alot of cleints who love me. Also, If I was not GRAVYTAS oreinted, why is he ALWAYS stareing at me?
I think women like us HAVE to stick togther. FOOEY on men who objetivize us! FOOEY!

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b/c it does NOT show any cleaveage,

Thanks, TCFKAG. Let's note that this is Frances' first foray into full Ellen formatting. Personally, I like continuity of name, but we'll take what we can get.

The repetitiveness in content is also familiar.

Frances is currently in a relationship, it seems. Is Ellen keeping something (someone) from us? 

Frances April 25, 2012 at 9:43 am
I do NOT like peep toe shoes, b/c men like to look at my toes (they are very cute, they say), but they are thinking of toe cleaveage, which then leads to think and LOOK at my cleaveage, and that is NOT for them to look at. It is only for my boyfriend to look at, not men off the street.
I like this DRESS alot b/c it does NOT show any cleaveage, and that is good, b/c men like to look at my cleaveage and think of my boobies, and I do NOT like that.
TCFKAG April 25, 2012 at 9:52 am
Oh hai Ellen dear. How YOU doing?
Kady April 25, 2012 at 10:11 am
Isn’t Frances Ellen’s sister?

I love it--additional alter-ego Laura chimes in to defend the original:

Laura April 25, 2012 at 11:48 am
I think so, but Ellen is the prettier one I think!

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to have men look at my toes.

This clinches it. 

SF Bay Associate April 24, 2012 at 4:40 pm
I never wear peep toes at work, ever. Others in my office do and it’s totally fine, but for me, personally, no toes at work. I realize this makes me an outlier and I’m ok with that.
Frances April 25, 2012 at 6:30 am
Me either. I do not like to have men look at my toes.

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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

with his name on my left bum.

Looks like I have even more archiving to do now...

Frances April 24, 2012 at 3:27 pm

When I was 19, I did the same thing. My boyfriend was getting one, so I got one with his name on my left bum. Now I am not even seeing him any more but still have his name. It was dificult to explain to my new boyfriend, but he is now over it.

I have to agree with ELLEN

Frances is Ellen's fangirl, first revealed over this past weekend thread. However, the nonsequitur here, as well as of course the spelling and caps, suggest something is afoot. Stay tuned.

Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler April 24, 2012 at 9:32 am

I choked on my oatmeal when I saw the word bondage. Now that I’ve recovered from my near death experience, I really like the dress. Classic and covered with a little something extra. If I hadn’t just spent $2,200 on Barbri, I would definitely get this.
Frances April 24, 2012 at 12:35 pm
Yes, it is very SEXIST. I have to agree with ELLEN that this subjeugates WOMEN! FOOEY

cfm April 24, 2012 at 2:16 pm

interesting frances, you agree with ellen. And yet Ellen hasn’t posted yet. Because her name always gets stuck in moderation. And if you agree with Ellen but her opinion on the subject is currently in moderation and not yet published, means that you in fact, are ellen! Aren’t you Ellen! (picture me saying this doing my best Tom Cruise few good men impression)
ELLENWatch April 24, 2012 at 3:35 pm
I’m on this.

Friday, April 20, 2012

a foot masage after work

Hmmm. "Original," "exciting," and "informative" are not often words we see used to describe Ellen. These comments are, er, intriguing. Both, I will also note, mis-misspell "manageing." 

Ellen April 20, 2012 at 4:08 pm
I like the peep toe and the cork….it should be VERY springey! But I would NOT wear the yellow to work, b/c the manageing partner likes to stare at me, and this would give him another EXCUSE to look at my feet.
A year ago, he aksed me if I wanted a foot masage after work, but I said NO THANK YOU. He has NOT aksed since. FOOEY on that! I do NOT want his hands any where on my body! DOUBLE FOOEY! I never even liked ALAN to touch me on my feet!
Helene Burke April 22, 2012 at 12:14 am
I love ELLEN! She is so original and exciting! And her relationship with the managing partner is very informative. I suggest, however, that she not lead him on, by letting him get away with saying / doing silly things. Ellen, you must always stand up for what you believe is right! Keep up the good work, Ellen, we love you!
Frances April 22, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Fully agree! Go Ellen! Boo Alan!! Boo Managing Partner! FOOEY!

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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Do what I DO!

Advising how to maintain visibility and contact with coworkers:

Ellen April 18, 2012 at 10:19 am
Do what I DO! Walk around and TALK to people. Otherwise you are stuck and like me would have the manageing partner stareing at me. IF I am OUT of my office, he has to come OUT and follow me around, and he does NOT do that. FOOEY on him!

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I live ALONE b/c I need alot of closet space

Ellen April 18, 2012 at 4:44 pm
That is so nice!
I live ALONE b/c I need alot of closet space for my clothes and NY apartements are NOT very spaceious. My dad helps subsedize the rent so it is kind of like a roomate financeally.
But when I get MARRIED, I will have a big house in the suburbs with alot of closet space so I will look forward to liveing with my HUSBAND.

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Tuesday, April 17, 2012

"Well that’s true!"

I love it when commenters invoke Ellen in absentia, especially when they don't even mention her name and the reference is seamlessly understood regardless. She's a true institution.

Equity's Darling April 17, 2012 at 5:40 pm
Apparently working women are only choosing careers because they can’t find men to marry.
Not because they want careers or anything.
TCFKAG April 17, 2012 at 5:45 pm
But…I’m confused. I had “found” a man when I chose my career path. Does that just make me an outlier? And what if you’re a lesbian???? What then! ;-)
CA Atty April 17, 2012 at 5:50 pm
Oh holy…gah. I’ve “found” numerous men in my life at all stages of my career development. At any time any of us could have “settled” down to SAHM-hood and not gotten the degrees, education and experience that we have. We didn’t. Because it’s not the 1800′s. Ridic!
(To be clear, I am not ridiculing the choice to be a SAHM, I’m ridiculing the idea that every woman’s goal is to be a SAHM and the fact that some of us are not just shows that no man loves us enough to take care of us.)
Monday April 17, 2012 at 5:52 pm
There’s always the possibility that getting good grades or having a good job make men uninterested in us, too.
CA Atty April 17, 2012 at 6:52 pm
Well that’s true! I forgot we have to MANAEGE our ASSETS!

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Monday, April 16, 2012

finding out from a CELL # where a guy work’s?

I'm very fond of this one. I'll be checking back to see if anyone decided to play.

Ellen April 16, 2012 at 10:00 am

$455 for a blazer? It is to MUCH for me! And the manageing partner would NEVER subsideseze it, even if I liked it!
I met another GUY this weekend, walking on 2nd Avenue. He wants to date me! But I am not sure b/c he would NOT tell me where he works. I got his CELL #. Is their a way of finding out from a CELL # where a guy work’s? I do NOT think so, but want to get the HIVE’s opinion.

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Update: Fascinatingly, long-time, entirely subdued commenter Blonde Lawyer chimes in with advice intended either for Ellen-as-real-person, or other real-person readers who might want to know how to do this: (Let's see if Ellen gets back to us with any findings...)

Blonde Lawyer April 16, 2012 at 11:18 am

I know we shouldn’t fee the trolls but I’ll bite on this one -
You can put a phone number into “spy dialer” (google it) and it will play the person’s voice mail recording without making a record of a missed call. So, if he uses his cell for work, you might hear a recording that says “you have reached special agent mystery man, please leave a message.” If it is a personal cell, you are probably out of luck, unless he posts it on his facebook, linked in, or work profile. If that is the case, just google the number and you may find his name.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Nice guy (but he is RIGHT)

Ellen April 13, 2012 at 2:36 pm
I have a body that needs alot of work, ESPECIALY since SUMMER is comeing up and I want to go to the beach and go swimmeing!!! So I have to STOP eating MATZOs, and all other kinds of BREAD, and starting to drink more POLAND SPRING WATER.
The manageing partner told me “your tuches is getting to big for your body”…..Nice guy (but he is RIGHT)…

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STICK to manageing the law firm,

The terms of MP's clothing grant specifically stated that he has to approve Ellen's purchases. We're only a few weeks in, and apparently this is already chafing.

Ellen April 13, 2012 at 10:41 am
It DOES look a little funny! The manageing partner would be stareing at my tush with this one, b/c it looks a little tight in the seat area.
I do NOT like it when the manageing partner start’s to make sugestions about my clotheing. He should STICK to manageing the law firm, not my clotheing. FOOEY!

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Thursday, April 12, 2012

I would LIKE to be the GENERAL counsel,

Alternatively, our girl is a little conflicted about her professional future. Previously, she mentioned having no desire to go in-house. And yet...

Ellen April 12, 2012 at 1:43 pm
I would LOVE to go IN-HOUSE, that is if I am NOT abel to get a judgeship somewhere, mabye as a WORKER’s Compensation Judge.
If I was to be in-house, I would LIKE to be the GENERAL counsel, and have alot of people report to me.
But now, I have to report to the manageing partner every day, for 30 minutes on what I am doing. That is not bad, but he is always to busy stareing at me. That I do NOT like. FOOEY!

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"who is Ellen?"

Aw thanks, guys!

FlawLaw April 12, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Along this line, who is Ellen? I’ve been reading for months, but I must miss days when she comments. The ladies on here reference her quite a bit though.
anon April 12, 2012 at 12:17 pm
she commented at the top of this post- she has bad spelling, a bad managing partner, and likes to use CAPS
a. April 12, 2012 at 12:22 pm
January April 12, 2012 at 12:23 pm
And an alcoholic no-good ex-boyfriend named Alan who refused to marry her. Also a sister (Rosa?), who is a size 2. I believe this friend “Emma” is new (see today’s post) is new, though.
I spend too much time here.
January April 12, 2012 at 12:25 pm
Bah – third sentence should read, “I believe this friend ‘Emma’ (see today’s post) is new, though.”
Susan April 12, 2012 at 12:34 pm
And a clothing allowance from her employer, which somehow involves the “manageing partner” having to approve her specific clothing choices.
JessC April 12, 2012 at 12:20 pm
Ellen is the Corporette community’s pet troll. :)
Ellen’s a commenter who usually uses whatever the topic/item du jour is as a segue to discuss how she can’t find a good man who admires her for anything other than her good lucks and how her managing partner (who has bad breathe) is trying to get her in the sack.
All with an excessive use of capitalizations and poor spelling.
Jules April 12, 2012 at 1:39 pm
And Ellen, using the full name Ellen Barshevsky, was a commenter with these same characterists who finally was kicked off the ABA Journal’s online comment section. There is some debate about whether this is the same Ellen or a copycat/wanna-be.
Francie N. April 12, 2012 at 12:42 pm
You can go to ELLENWatch dot com to catch up on her history.
I love that there is someone as curious or maybe more so that started a blog to figure out the enigma of Ellen. If I ever write a paper on a behavioral topic, maybe it will be why someone would go to the lengths they do to comment as Ellen.
CA Atty April 12, 2012 at 12:45 pm
I have occasionally wondered about that.
Lynnet April 12, 2012 at 1:03 pm
Some regular corporette posters will post as Ellen. I can sometimes tell when it’s “really” Ellen and when it’s a regular poster.
Which means I spend too much time here as well.
Anonymous April 12, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Slight correction: ELLENWatch dot blogspot dot com
Kanye East April 12, 2012 at 12:46 pm
She makes me miss Shayna.
I wonder if Ellen is Shayna.
JuliaBee April 12, 2012 at 12:55 pm
Francie N. April 12, 2012 at 1:00 pm
My though is that perhaps Shayna was behind STFU Corporette…
JessC April 12, 2012 at 1:01 pm
OMG. That would be the most super-advanced EPIC trolling ever if it was!
Samantha April 12, 2012 at 1:05 pm
I’ve long theorized that Ellen is the alter-ego of her so-called boyfriend, Alan.
Alan (Ellen) posts here for fun and for the thrill of having ladies who actually reply to him.