Thursday, February 28, 2013

tried to get a discount b/c I told them I do not use it alot

Ellen got her wish this morning as discussion on the new Yahoo rule re-ignited (among real commenters). I don't have much to say about the below other than that this is the first time I have seen Ellen number her points. Even more impressive, for both pro and con the ascending order of integers has no errors.

I love TAHARI! Very cute! As for negotieating a gym membership, you must be very LUCKY! I joined NYSC, and tried to get a discount b/c I told them I do not use it alot, they said NO. So I go with Myrna as much as I can, tho she like’s running outside and that is to cold for me (I walk anyway b/c of my dad and the fitbit, which he KEEP’s monitoring.)
I stopped at the diner this morning for a swiss cheeze ommlet, and Matt Lawer reported about the YAHOO work at home thing. They took a pole, and the peeople said that working at home was GOOD b/c they were MORE productive then they would be at work. I have to go to the websight to get the full statistic’s, b/c I am tryeing to get the manageing partner to let me work from home. My rational is:
1) my home internet ROOTER is much faster then the old DSL at work
2) alot of times, I have to go DIRECTLY down to court, so I should NOT have to go into work first
3) I have a deductbel HOME OFFICE where my MACBOOK AIR is located with the wireless rooter, and there is a desk where I do all my research and thinkeing for work, and
4) I can use the bathroom quickly and be back at work without worryeing about the bathroom being unuseable b/c Frank sitting in there or worse, after he get’s out. FOOEY!
The onley things that makes being at work easier are:
1) that I can pop into the manageing partner’s office to ask him a question, as long as he is NOT napping and
2) that I can get my FITBIT steps in for dad, who is watching my step’s like a hawk. He is still on my case b/c I am not able to fit into any of my size 2 clothe’s, and he does NOT want to have me buy new spring clothe’s b/c I have alot of clothe’s I can’t wear now. Dad keep’s telling me that Rosa has a smaller tuchus then me and she is pregnant. He does NOT give me credit for being an attorney, where we have to sit all daydoeing research, unless we are in court, where we sit until we stand to present our cases. I have to do some convinceing that my tuchus is not big compared to other lawyer’s. FOOEY!

if mabye I should ask to be a panelist

Again, Ellen nominate's herself as a role model for go-getter professional gals. Last time she thought she should be on a panel with Sheryl Sandberg and Marissa Meyer, so this is actually a scaling-back.

Rosa is younger than I thought, especially since this pregnancy is at least #2. As for the "bakery truck," I thought Ellen might be intimating that her sister could also loose a few pound's, but based on the later suggestion of postpartum modeling (though mid-twenties probably is indeed too old for entry-level) I'm thinking bakery truck = stork, for whatever Ellen reason. 

And law school is a liability for weight just as NEW CLEINT'S can be. Non-degreed and client-less Rosa has a husband (and thus an exemption from Dad's tyranny), a few kids, model-caliber beauty and some daily lifestyle that does not increase tuchus size. It's always helpful when Ellen points out the trade-offs in overachieving chick life.
I think ROSA should be a model. She look’s like this one, but before the bakery truck paid a visit. ONce she is done with the pregenency, I will recomend she go over to IMG or FORD, while she is still young, tho I think at her age (25) she may be to old to start a new carreer in modeling.
For the LADIES in the HIVE interested in the GLASS CEILING, one of our female asociate’s just sent me an email with an invite to a local event about Women and the Law:
The New York University Law Women invites you to attend its inaugural annual symposium, titled “Breaking the Glass Ceiling: Exploring the Continued Existence of Gender Bias in the Legal Profession and Understanding How it Can Change.” The symposium will take place on Friday, March 1, 2013, from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. in Vanderbilt Hall, located at 40 Washington Square South. Registration will begin at 8:30 a.m.
I wonder if any one else in the HIVE is goeing, and if mabye I should ask to be a panelist? After all, I am in the middel of ALL of these legal isues. The troubel is b/c of my busy schedule, I can NOT go for all day, and there are events ALL day. FOOEY!
I am NOT sure if there is CLE, if anyone in the HIVE know’s, please let me know and I will tell the manageing partner. If it is FREE, I am sure he will let my work slide (or tell me to come in Saturday). The troubel is that I have to go to BALTIMORE, and am only 1/2 done with my POWER POINT slide’s. I think the manageing partner want’s to look at them which mean’s I have to have them FINISHED before Friday PM b/c the manageing partner will NOT acess EMAIL from home, even on his CELL.
Does anyone in the hive work from HOME? I asked earlier, but no one answered me. I hope the answer is yes b/c I want to work from home some days and do NOT like to come in here if it is raining b/c my dad make’s me walk, rain or shine until I am in a SIZE 2 again. I think it is unfair of him to compare me to ROSA, even after the pregnancey, b/c she is much younger, and did NOT sit for 3 year’s in LAW school. I am sure her tuchus would be as big as mine if she had a job like me, sitteing all dayat my desk and eateing to keep busy. FOOEY!

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The manageing partner is doeing a study

Being significantly behind the curve--whether in hair accessory choices or topics of discussion on a particular comment site--is part of Ellen's shtick. We'll see if anyone plays, but I'm not optimistic. 

Directly telling MP that she was going to post this on Corporette is also a dubious opening to further internet stalking by him and/or another actual post from the fooey man himself. But Ellen's loyalty and eagerness to please thrust caution to the wind.

I agree, it is very nice, and reasonabely priced too!
I have a question for the HIVE. I read all about YAHOO and thier new policy of no workeing from home.
Personally, I have to work from home alot b/c I have lousy DSL internet from work, and often I have to research at night, which I do on my Apple MACBOOK AIR and WIRELESS ROOTER, which is so much faster then the DSL conection we have at work.
Do other attorney’s work from home like me? Would they if they could? If not, why not?
The manageing partner is doeing a study, and I told him I would ask the HIVE b/c your all very smart!

So much of thier knoweledge is stale (and wrong)

One of the only times Ellen has ever acknowledged her trolling heritage and ongoing BAN from commenting on the ABA Journal Online. (If you don't know this history, see archival links to your right! It's Ellen 101.) Readers and administrators over there may be--I don't know, bemused?--to know that she's still an avid reader, with assuredly inane responses to almost 5 years' worth of content lost forever to the ABA audience. 

Background given here about the age/experience profile at Manageing & MANAGEING LLP is consistent with my records.

I kind of have this issue. I am the onley lawyer less then 35 year’s old, with all of the partners out of law school b/f I was even BORN. So much of thier knoweledge is stale (and wrong). So what I have to do is alot of self study. I read alot of trade magazine’s, such as the ABA Journal (even tho they do NOT want me comenting there)– I also read the NY Law Journal RELIGOUSLY. That, however is a newspaper, but I also need it for the litiegation page’s to watch for calendar call’s b/c Frank is lazy and I can NOT rely on him to keep me abreast of my case’s. FOOEY b/c he should do this as part of HIS job!
The manageing partner does some CLE’s, and I go to them for FREE (Yay), but I do all of the prep work for him on them so I do NOT learn from HIM as much as I do from the prep work. I also get to go to the NY Bar lecture’s free b/c the manageing partner once dated the secretary there, and she is still workeing even tho she is in her 60′s.
The rule is, you get out what you put in, so I learn alot by studyeing. Do NOT rely on others to teach you. You must take responsibility for your own educeation! Yay!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

and I could just use their stationeary

Ellen doesn't want this client because, among other reasons, taking them on might lead to weight gain. I'd been wondering what was going on with the supermarkit guys too...

How could I wear a sweater like this to work? It look’s kind of sheer which means that Frank would be lookeing at it (and it’s content’s — includeing my boobies) like a hawk! FOOEY!
The manageing partner sent me an EMAIL last nite telling me he want’s me to go to BALTIMORE to pitch a new cleint (related to the supermarket guy’s who are still on the fence) about doing WC cases for them. I said to the manageing partner that I am NOT admitted to the BALTIMORE bar, or Maryland where they are so how can I do WC cases there? He said that would NOT be a probelem, b/c he know’s a guy in Baltimore whose admitted down there and I could just use their stationeary, and he could sign the pleeading’s, which I have on my word processor anyway.
He think’s all I have to do is change the top of the caption from NY to Baltimore, and mabye throw in a couple of Baltimore cases. FOOEY!
I am NOT clear if the manageing partner wants ME to do the cases in court, or this guy, who he went to law school with. I looked him up and he does NOT have any WC listed on his websight, tho he doe’s have estate planning. I do NOT see how that helps.
I do NOT want to have to go down to Baltimore all the time for calendar call’s, and I do NOT think I can go down there and appear PRO HOCK VECHE. Most important, I do NOT want to have to take the Baltimore Bar. DOUBEL FOOEY!
But first, I have to get the business, the manageing partner say’s. I may NOT even want this business b/c I do NOT want to spend 4 hour’s sitteing on a train every time I go watching my tush grow. I will do the sale’s call, but I can NOT gurantee that I will be at my best. NO FIRE ENGINE RED LIPSTICK and DRESS for these guy’s. I am a NYC gal, and do NOT want to start haveing to learn to study for the Baltimore Bar Exam. TRIPEL FOOEY!

Monday, February 25, 2013

You NEVER see a TV show about transeactional lawyers

The decline in spelling of "carrots" continues! Initially she got it right, at least sometimes. Then the word started beginning with a K, though the rest of it usually remained intact, and I documented that step downward in its own right. Today the K leads transformation into an entirely different word. 

I'm feeling generous today, so I say Ellen is having fun with me and enjoys bringing in another lady association with her spelling error's. To wit: she and Myrna are girl-talking it up over a binge of sugar that they pretend won't go straight to the hip's, but engagement rings are just too much on Ellen's brain even to keep the story straight. What an artist. 

I am an expert in BOTH litiegation and transeactional work, but perfer litiegation b/c I am abel to think on my feet and look good in court. YAY!
When I was stuck doeing do diliegence in Saint Louis, all I could think about was my stabel of cases and everything I had to do on them. Haveing Jim make stupid jokes did nothing to make me like transeactional work any better. FOOEY ON THAT!
Depending on what you are goeing into, you must remember that transeactional work is alot more boring, and there are NO judge’s doing the work. On the OTHER hand, as a NYC litiegator, I know I have to look good and wear nice clotheing to court. You do NOT have to worry if you are just looking at DOCS all day. Peeople just sit alot doeing transeactional work, while litigieators are on their FEET! YAY!
You NEVER see a TV show about transeactional lawyers, b/c it would be to boring. FOOEY! That is why I am NOT doing any do diliegence any more.
The manageing partner left early so Myrna is stoppeing by in an HOUR and we are walkeing up to Bloomingdale’s and stoppeing at 40 KARATS for a frozen yogurt. YAY!

snore’s for about a 1/2 hour between 3 and 3:30 almost every day

As predicted, the postmortem on  fooey man Henry, while abundantly repetitive, is multi-paragraph, multi-post and multi-day. Sounds like Frank had to be told all about what happened too, since his input is so useful. And Ellen's apparent expectations for her husband's income are as difficult to keep up with as her own career goals.

This is the first time she's mentioned going in-house with Roberta & Co., as opposed to Jim & Co. (No idea where Jim is these days anyway--maybe St. Louis with his adult pay-per-view.) 

I can NOT nap at the office b/c everyone would see me. The manageing partner and Frank do it all the time. Frank shut’s his door, and the manageing partner just put’s his feet up on the window ledge and snore’s for about a 1/2 hour between 3 and 3:30 almost every day, b/c the sun is comeing in his window! Lynn alway’s tell’s peeople who call during that time that the manageing partner “IS IN CONFRENCE” even tho he is sleepeing!
I have a calendar call tomorow, so I am goeing to go straight down to FOLEY Square with Myrna on the subway from HOME. It is way to far to walk from home, and even from here, I would RUIN my pump’s if I wore them OUTSIDE. FOOEY on that! Dad has to understand that excercise is IMPORTANT, but preserveing my clotheing and shoe’s are also! YAY!
I am goeing to meet Brian there to see if we can settel the case he scheduled for trial, b/c Roberta can NOT find a competent HR person who she feel’s comfortable would testify properly. Evidentley there are alot of idiot’s who work in there HR department, and NONE of them would make good witnesse’s. FOOEY! I was hopeing I could get this one to be tried, and Roberta could see ME in action. After all, if I have a shot at goeing in house, I will need to impress Roberta on my feet, not just eateing in the deli! Ha Ha!
I read another articel about Sheryl Sandberg in the NY Times this weekend. I hope to be JUST like her in 10 year’s, running things at work, haveing a family and a husband who stay’s OUT of the lime light. I do NOT want my husband takeing anything away from me. I just need him to help out around the house, and make enough MONEY so that I do NOT have to worry about bieng the main bread winner.
In the meanwhile, my dad keep’s nudgeing me to go out with Henry, after I chased him away. I got mad at Dad for encouregeing Henry to grab me. I told my mom about it and she was mad at dad to. Who tells a strange geekey guy to grab his daughters’ tuchus as soon as he meets her after 15 year’s? Even Frank thought it was dumb, tho he said he would NOT have a probelem doeing that to me. FOOEY on him. He is married, so I told him he could grab his wife’s tuchus any time she wanted, but I have no interest in Frank (or any one else then my husband) grabbeing my tuchus. FOOEY on that!

I ONLEY want men to be in charge when it come’s to figureing out how to take care of me.

The first highlight here is the best reconciliation I have so far between Ellen saying her clotheing reimbursement had been knocked back down to 20%, and recent mentions of several items for which she got 30%. It's becoming a case-by-case thing? 

On to Henry: this is more along the lines of what I expected as a post-date rundown, but I guess she waited for the larger weekday audience before holding forth. Hate Dad as we all do, he was actually right in this instance, in the sense that Ellen IS desperate to get married and DOES expect men to control everything around her (and in many cases herself as well). Furthermore, money and the ability to support Ellen after she abandons her career ARE major gold stars in a suitor. In fact Henry is the first I can recall who is certain of a higher income than Ellen's own. (Evan, for now, does not count.) 

Like Harold, who is about a decade Ellen's junior, Henry is bald (entirely, as it seems, and it's only slightly less premature). Between that and the tuchus-grab, there are equally compelling and equally predictabel arguments against Henry, but Myrna remains the wild card. I suspect she invites him out in a group, with or without Esteban, and doesn't necessarily warn Ellen that Henry is getting a second chance whether she likes it or not. 

I'm setting aside the possibility that Myrna would go for Henry herself, but only until the plausible event that Esteban gets nixed and/or Ellen and both fathers (hers and Henry's) give it their blessing.

OMG, how PRETTY! I LOVE TORY BURCH, and it is not that EXPENSIVE, either! I may ask the manageing partner if he will give me 30% I will get it and it will be my FIRST purchase since SANDY not counteing the down coat which was a GIFT, and the shoe’s, which was a BONU’S! YAY!!!!
My dad was responsible for turneing HENRY into an animal. FOOEY! He told Henry’s dad that I was DESPARATE to get MARRIED and that if HENRY took some initative, then I would literaly melt in his arms. How REVOLTEING! Henry has NO real expierence with women so he just did what he saw in the movie’s, but that is NOT what ladie’s like me want. I want to be wooed and charmed by a man, not have my tuchus man-handeled. Mabye that is what goe’s on somwhere, but NOT with Ellen Barshevsky, no way HOSE.
When I told HENRY to get his hand’s off my tuchus, he said that his dad told him he could grab my tuchus b/c my dad told his dad that I liked men to be in charge. I ONLEY want men to be in charge when it come’s to figureing out how to take care of me. Henry makes alot of money doeing algorithm’s for a big INVESTEMENT BANK downtown that I never heard of, and my dad say’s I should give him a chance b/c he will be abel to suport me after we have a baby.
I do NOT even want to THINK about Henry makeing love to me. That is so gross b/c his teeth are still FILTHY! He does NOT have any hair, and look’s alot like the janitor here (but not as old). I could NEVER even picture him in bed, OMG! And my dad must have seen him at his house on LI, but he eveidently does NOT even care! He just want’s me married to this goon b/c he makes alot of money? I told my dad that I am a profesional and do NOT want to settel for some geek just b/c he is makeing more money then me.
My dad say’s I am bieng to picky and should marry the first guy that is willing to grab me, so this guy grabs me? My tuchus is not for sale. For some reason, Myrna thought he was cute — I think b/c he has alot of money, but I do NOT go for money, and did NOT think she did (until now). I know if he was a schlub on the street, she would NOT be interested. She want’s me to give him a second chance or go out with her and Esteban. Some choices. FOOEY! A beautiful legal professional like me who has a job, a post gradueate education and an apartement in the City should NOT have to choose between these loosers! FOOEY!

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Henry immediately grabbed at my tuchus

I want to know just how "immediate" this was. Did he say hi first? Was it part of/in lieu of shaking hands? Also, of course, is Ellen suggesting that Dad's mandate of boots and jeggings somehow precipitated the grabbing-at? 

I assume we will continue to hear about this for at least a week, but for now I'm just remarking how similar this denouement is to the way Gonzalo got disqualified on the first date. I do not know what HE was told either...

I can’t write a lot on my iPhone but my dad made me wear my new boots and new jeggings and Henry immediately grabbed at my tuchus. I was in shock, right in Zaro’s! I do not know what he was told but I am not so desperate to allow ANYONE to grab at me, especially if I am not a girlfriend. Myrna thought he was cute. Gross!

Saturday, February 23, 2013

"Sshh those are ELLEN’s"

Paging goldribbons! I applaud your creative vision in associating these shoes with Ellen and am interested in what prompted it. My impression of Ellen's style preference's, including on shoes, is that she skews more dowdy/dated rather than over-the-top. Nothing against Nine West, but while I'm at it I will add that this brand is her favorite for shoes. 

The certainty with which you identify this bizarre set of pumps with Ellen compelled me to post the picture. I was hoping she herself would jump in with a yay or nay--she has done so before, if rarely--but that hope is fading now. 

Herbie :

DAD has to put up the diference in $$CASH.

Further Corporette lampoonery as she's here idolizing Sheryl Sandberg and Marissa Mayer, notwithstanding her inability to remember the latter's name. These two women have it all, Ellen has neither family nor career to brag about, and yet she anticipates speaking on a panel with both of them. For now, she needs to focus on not scareing off potential husbands with the fact that Dad will force them to pay her partnership buy-in...but let's face it: none of her upcoming dates are going to lead anywhere anyway, and Dad's picking up the tab, in part to maintain his almost total control over Ellen's life. (Lean in! Sit at the table! Don't leave before you leave!) 

Ellen's outing this weekend should indeed be interesting enough for the HIVE, given that it entails a date with petrified-poopie Henry and the possible need to excscape from him in the basement of Macy's or otherwise. 

I think I will read this also. Professioneal women like us have to do ALL we can to ensure we MAINTAIN equality as WELL as equity in the work place. Sheryl Sandberg is a great roll model for all of us.
There is also the OTHER woman I look up to also, I forgot her name, from Google and NOW at YAHOO. She is VERY pretty and very smart and she just had a BABY! She prooves we can do it all if we want to. Work, Home LIfe and Leadership. YAY!!!!! I hope one day to meet both of them, mabye on a panel I can speak at when I am a judge or a manageing partner (after the manageing partner retires, that is).
Right now, the manageing partner is happy with me, and he still wants to make me a partner, but I have to assigne over my 401K to the partnership to make my capital contribution, and DAD has to put up the diference in $$CASH. Dad is NOT happy about this, but he said he would pay unless I was abel to get MARRIED this year and then he would make my HUSBAND pay the money in. FOOEY, b/c a guy might not marry me if my dad is goeing to force him to pay for my partnership fee’s.
Considering I do NOT even have a boyfreind, I do NOT see this hapening any time soon. FOOEY! So I will need for DAD to put up the money, but I will pay him back with all of the profit’s I will get as a PARTNER in the firm! YAY!!!!!!!
I wish the HIVE a great weekend, and I hope to have a good time with Myrna and will report back if it is interesting enough for the HIVE!

they took out of his gym lockerf and hoyisted up the flagpole

Ellen's trying to milk An's response (on the scrunchie matter, prior thread) for even further play-alongs, but nobody else is going for it. Girl, if you value my input at all I say that the scrunchie is you're timeless signature, MP knows it, and you should march back to work in any of your rainbow collection just as soon as you feel like it. You're totally indispensable to your floundering firm, and I guarantee the consequences will be pretty much nil. Remember how you weren't even really reprimanded at all for making a total fool of your boss at his CLE presentation? Even though you handled the fallout about as poorly as possible

Meanwhile these anecdotes about Henry further affirm Ellen knows him from high school rather than college. She still hasn't explained the (apparently) other Henry mentioned in December, but in case this is the best answer I ever get I will stick with it. 

Yay! Open thread’s!!!! I love OPEN thread’s. This dress is far to revealing for me tho. Frank would be STAREING at my body since it is so tight fitting. FOOEY on him. He should not stare at my boobies when he has his own wife to stare at!
I like the way this model’s hair is combed. I was happy for the response I got yesterday from Ann on my SCRUNCHIE quandrie and her twistband sugestion, but still would hope the HIVE could way in.
Have others in the hive used the twistband and what do their managing partners say? As a young urban professioneal, I want to be professioneal, but also a little styleish if I can, and mabye the twistband is the way to go. Any advise is much apreciated.
Myrna got a call from Esteban, but I am NOT ready to meet his freind yet, b/c I have to meet Henry with Myrna tomorrow. I am haveing alot of reservation’s about Henry b/c I pulled my HS yearbook out and he WAS on the math team. They were 4 guy’s on the team and all of them were GEEKEY! Henry looked just as strange as the rest of them and I think he was the one who’s underwear they took out of his gym lockerf and hoyisted up the flagpole b/c it had petrified poopie in it. If I ask him about it, I do NOT think he will admit it was his underwear, but now that I think more about it, I am almost sure they took his underwear b/c he had his name in the underwear and there was a reference to it next to his name that said “Petrified Rock up the flagpole.” If I married this guy, everyone at the wedding would know I am married to a guy who hid his soiled underwear in his gym locker until it petrified, then it was hung on the flagpole. DOUBEL FOOEY!
So we will see. If I have to esxcape from him, I will at least have Myrna with me. YAY!!!!!!!

when their manageing partner’s give them a hard time about SCRUNCHIES

Ellen herself referred me back to this post. I notice the time window I have, to catch missed comments before I'm assumed to have lost them for good, seems to be narrowing. I guess the first step in efficiency was cutting out the Sunshine Girls' role in this kind of notification system, and now we've moved on to near-lockstep updating whereby Ellen makes sure this sight stays complete around the clock. She's very difficult to work with, in some ways, and yet in others so obliging.  

In other helping-hand moves, she's trying to clarefey once and for all that her hair is all blond--even after all that confusing dithering that I doubt will ever be explained. As for the transition from MP requiring scrunchies to MP forbidding scrunchies, we've already observed it, with Ellen scratching her head, and the only further mileage I see here is some kind of confrontation later this spring as Ellen tries to cool down and starts bringing 'em back to the office. Maybe Roberta will step in to defend her?  

I would NOT want this for the office. I need to LOOK professeional, and this mean’s for me wearing my hair neately and consistentely. My hair is uniformely blond, so why would I change it intentioneally? 30 years from now, if I get GRAY, I will consider something, but since I am now exactley where I want to be and where the manageing partner want’s me to be, in terms of look’s and hair, I would NOT change things, or recomend that any one else change things.
My only QUANDRIE is over why the manageing partner all of a sudden does NOT want me to wear scrunchies? Im OK with it now, b/c it’s cold, but in the summer, I do NOT want my hair makeing me uncomfotorble, especialy if he also does NOT prefer UPDOOes on me.
What does the HIVE do when their manageing partner’s give them a hard time about SCRUNCHIES? Is this an issue elsewhere? As the only young female attorney here, I have no
other point of reference, so I have to RELY on the HIVE’s sage advise. HELP!!!!
  • Perhaps if management has commented on your scrunchie, s/he views a scrunchie as too casual for the office. You would probably be able to solve this and still tie your hair up with a rubber band the same color as your hair. If you dislike the usual Goody’s (etc.) rubber bands, try Twistband (, also available through Birchbox). They have a variety of colors, but I would recommend a color that closely matches your blonde hair.
    Ban your scrunchies and try the simple rubber bands. If you still receive comments, then ask a few friends in corporate jobs (the kind that will be brutally honest with you) to take a look at your hair and see if they see any issues (for example, do you have multiple earrings or a tattoo that your boss might be wanting you to hide?)

Friday, February 22, 2013

then loose him in the Houseware’s department in the basement

Ellen entertains simultaneously an intense pride in patrilineal Barshevsky ancestry, as below (and also with potential connections to royalty and/or Maria Sharapova), alongside a certain degree of anxiety that some of these forebears might have been Russian peasants

Either way, we certainly can't dilute the fine family stock with a DUD, so Henry (still of unclear lineage himself, in Ellen's life) may have to be somehow eluded in Macy's. I enjoy thinking that she and Myrna just can't manage an effective goodbye and thus have to pretend to go to the bathroom together or something. Or manage to vanish while he's signing the drinks bill.

Yay! Fruegel Friday’s!!!!! I love Fruegel Friday’s!
This sweater is better for Rosa after she has her baby, tho, b/c it is so short! I have to figure out what the baby’s name should be. Rosa think’s it’s going to be a boy b/c she is burpeing a lot, and Grandma Leyeh says if you burp alot, it is goieng to be a boy. Grandma Leyeh is very smart — she married a Barshevsky (like my Mom). If onley there were more peeople as smart as from my Father’s lineage. All that stuff in Russia in the late 1800′s is where we got our smart’s from, my Dad says.
Dad keeps calling me to get me to call Henry, so I finaly called him, and he sounded half-asleep when I called him yesterday at 8:00. I wanted to watch a movie with Myrna, but that had to WAIT until AFTER I called him, Dad decreed. So we spoke breifly, and Henry is now going to meet me AND Myrna at the Zaro’s in Penn Station this weekend. He will have to take the LIRR in so we said we ‘d meet him there. IF he turns out to be a DUD, Myrna says we can ship him back to LI without leaving Penn Station, then go to Macy’s! YAY!!!!!!! I warned her that this guy work’s in the City so we may not be abel to loose him that quickly. She said mabye we should go to Macy’s with him, then loose him in the Houseware’s department in the basement after haveing a drink with him — if he’s a dork. FOOEY! I will thinke about that and call him tonite to firm up what and where we are suposed to meet.

"they pretend to know each other"

Interesting, anon. I do not have any record of Rita from any site, whether independently posted or cited by Ellen. (Do you?) For me the (dead) giveaway here is content/diction as opposed to the handle. This means--thank you! I might have missed it otherwise. But it's absolute standard Sunshine Girls material, making me: a) add Rita to Alma as the only confirmed names among this tribe, allegedly only consisting of three total, and b) wonder yet again if these commenters will return to my blog as replacement for their raunchy male coworkers. Provided, as always, that it doesn't get much grosser than the below.

You are not powerless. You can make your man deal with it by not agreeing to do anything with or to him unless he takes over the birth control, either with condomsand/or with the permanent operation that will solve the issue at hand. Men should not be allowed to shoot their wads into us and then just leave us with the mess in our bedsheets for us to clean up, as well as the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. If we are going to be equal, we must be willing to put the ultimatum to them. In this connection, just as our founding fathers said: “No taxation without representation,” we should now put it to our men: “No penetration without preparation.” Believe me, if they want a place to keep their weenies warm, they will engage in adequate preparation. I’ve been there and done that. No headaches or side effects for me!
  • For me at least, it’s not that guys won’t use condoms (I’ve never had one give me any problem with it). It’s just that condoms are not the most pleasant thing (in my opinion) and not has effective as other forms of birth control. As for the permanent operation, I’m only 25 and want kids eventually, so permanent solutions are not for me. Of course both of these methods are totally fine for some people, but it’s just not what will work for me at this point in my life.

She said to him that she had a freind (me)

So Mom and Dad's early birthday gift of a warm coat has arrived. 

Waiting to hear whether she ever agreed to go out with Henry, in addition to Esteban's friend. This means we're potentially looking at two different dates within the next week or so.

At lunch, a guy from the Express Mail delivery dropped his package’s in the lobby right in front of me, I think just to look up my skirt. Fooey on him. He could NOT see any thing anyway b/c I was wearing my new down coat tho it was NOT butoned up. I bet he was suprised and disapointed. FOOEY!
Myrna met some guy on the subway, ESTEBAN, who want’s to go out with her. ESTEBAN is a building engineer, whatever that is. She said to him that she had a freind (me) and she would only doubel with him if he had a freind, so ESTEBAN is goieng to tell Myrna who his freind is that can meet me and mabye go out together. At this point, I am exausted, and will mabye meet him b/c he can NOT be any worse then Gonzalo, who never apologized for rubbeing my breast. I told Myrna he had BETTER NOT make any clickeing noieses either b/c my dad will get realy mad if he find’s out. DOUBEL FOOEY ON THAT.
I am watching TV tonite with Myrna. She is brienging over a new DVD so we can eat popcorn. YAY!!!!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

after Alan drained me DRY

The free milk metaphor has actually been wafting its way over to Ellen on Corporette I always thought it was a concise encapsulation of the sexism and condescension behind pressure on women to get married, so it suit's Ellen (and, as we see here, her Dad) perfectly. The "club" to which she is welcoming is, of course, unmarried women living emancipated lifestyles. 

I agree, but welcome to our CLUB. Men tend to be non-comital these day’s. My dad say’s why buy the cow when you can get FREE milk? I therefore do NOT give out any free milk any more after Alan drained me DRY. FOOEY on HIM, and men that have sex, then burpe and walk away!
I am lookeing for a guy that wants me for ME, not just as a place to have sex with me. Yesterday, Myrna and I walked up to the MORGAN library, but by the time we got there we were not abel to go in. She said we have to PLAN better, and mabye go to an ART museum over the weekend b/c men who like art are more SENSITIVE. I agreed but hope sensitive does NOT mean effemenite. I want a MAN who knows he’s a man, but treat’s me right as a professional WOMAN, b/c I am an attorney, licensed and in good standing with the State of New York. If I can find this man in a museum, YAY!!!!!! I did not call Henry back yet. I am worried about geting involved with a guy who was a dork, but dad keeps needeling me to do so b/c he promised Henry’s dad. Why do I have to put up with all this pressure from him to?
The manageing partner got mad at Frank this morning for leaveing the toilet seat up and makeing a mess in there. FOOEY on Frank. I think I am goeing to have to use the ladie’s room in the hallway b/c of the odour and the mess he make’s in there. I do NOT know HOW his wife and children put up with his filthey bathroom habits. DOUBEL FOOEY!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

until recently, my very good look’s

Another classic, makeing fun of overachieving chicks who a) try to prudently handle compliments on their actually successful careers, and b) would never use their bods to get a job, even at a firm that doesn't have mid-20th century era phones and furniture, one toilet, and pan-incompetent personnel. Thank you, Ellen. As usual, you said what nobody else would--in effect, "I'm so unimpressive that I'm oblivious to my own unimpressiveness, and what little I have accomplished was mainly via the fast-wilting beauty that never quite got me a husband." 

And...again with the murkiness on how much clotheing expenses get reimbursed by MP. The figure was 20%, got raised to 30%, most recently reported back down at 20%, yet she's contradicted that here and again below, quoting 30% again. 

***Aside:*** When I saw I was getting pageviews from Get Off My Internets, you can imagine my first thought. But I clicked through, and...thank you! Somebody recommended me (on a discussion about Corporette) as "creepy," but worthy of "love." It's an honor. 

Alot of peeople alway’s ask me:
“Ellen, how in the world did you ever get and keep such a high powered litiegation job in NYC?”
I alway’s tell them that I was VERY lucky to bump into the manageing partner (LITERALY) in the elevator, and tell them that if they want to be as lucky as me, they NEED to go up and down in elevator’s where they know there are manageing partner’s workeing there.
I did not know that the manageing partner was even a manageing partner, but now that I do, I think all women should not be basheful about strutting there ware’s like me when I first met him. He liked me! So he hired me! YAY!
I know I was NOT law review and there were other’s in law school who knew the case’s better then me, but I was VERY sharp in learning to make the best with WHAT I did have, which is my personality and, until recently, my very good look’s. Some women will cruecify me for saying this, but there is NOTHING wrong with useing whatever skill you have to get (and keep) a job, especialy b/c all this sitting on my tuchus has made me gain weight that I alway’s have to LOOSE. FOOEY!
My dad say’s that a professeional basketeball player who can DUNK, dunk’s! So he knows I can’t dunk, but he say’s I can do alot of other things that make’s me valueable to the manageing partner and our firm. I am sure the manageing partner would have hired a tall guy if he wanted someone tall who can dunk, but he did NOT need someone to dunk, he needed a sharp lawyer who can charm the other side in court as well as the judge’s. That was me! YAY!!!! And I do NOT think I have let him down very much. That is why he give’s me bonuse’s and a 30% clotheing allowance. He need’s me to make the firm run. He often calls me “his main man”, even tho I am a woman and he know’s it.
So I say take the complement, but tell them you earn it every day, b/c you are NOT just getting paid for bieng a pretty wall flower. There are alot more girls prettier then me in NYC, but not prettier AND smarter. YAY!

I was used to manhandeling BRIAN with the judge

I am SINGLE and do NOT have a husband to save for me, so my DAD manage’s my RETIREMENT 401(k) for me. He make’s me save enough so that I am maxed out every year. This way, he says, I will be abel to retire at age 60 at the latest, assuming I keep my job and have steady income, or else get MARRIED to a guy who will suport me until he retires. My dad also recomends when I get married to a guy that I get LIFE INSURANCE on him, just in case anything hapens to him. OMG, that is all I need. I Finaly find a guy, marry him and something hapens? FOOEY on that! It has to be forever, I told dad.
Today, I found out we are goieing to HAVE to go to trial on a WC case I have pending. It is one of Roberta’s cases. I need to get another depo from our doctor expert b/c the other doctor moved to Florida and will NOT be availabel for trial. Wouldn’t you know it, but BRIAN’s firm is representing the plaientiff, and Brian is second chairing it b/c the senior partner there want’s to buff up on his courtroom expertise. I was used to manhandeling BRIAN with the judge, but this guy has been around the block, and I am not sure the judge will give me the same liberties that he does when I am up against BRIAN. At least Brian will not have to sweat all over the pleeading’s that his hands to the judge and me. GROSS!
I told Roberta, and she wasn’t happy, but I told her there was nothing I could do b/c Brian’s firm was prepared this time and answered the calendar call as ready for a trial date. Now, in addition to getting a new expert DOCTOR, Roberta will have to get an HR person to come in and tell our side of the story — that the guy was NOT even injured when he went home, but must have slipped on a banana peel somewhere OUTSIDE of work. The plainetiff has the burden of Proof, so FOOEY if we contest where and how he wound up with a sore hip.
Myrna is comeing over here in a couple of hour’s and I am leaving early with her to go to a MUSEUM uptown. Myrna says I need to get some culture, and mabye we can meet guy’s there she says. I told her that most guy’s at museum’s are effeminate. She said she would proove me wrong. I hope I am. YAY!!!!!!

but without the child in uterro!

Ellen has been a lot more consistent about what Rosa look's like than about her own appearance, most egregiously hair color. At any rate, the evident wish to look like her sister does support my casual hypothesis that Lourine/Frances (whom we haven't seen in a while) is Rosa's occasional Corporette handle. This intermittent guest has bragged about being the family beauty, and it sounds like that is not contested. CAN YOU IMAGEINE the oogleing????

Unclear whether Henry's Dad mentioned only that his son has never had a girlfriend, or if he followed through to the logic of non-transmission of STDs too. Either way, I am still waiting for my answer on whether this is the same Henry mentioned back in December

Another Rosa look alike, but without the child in uterro! Yay! Why can’t I look like her (tho Frank said my tuchus looks good). I think b/c I froze it off walking to work! FOOEY!
Dad confessed that he had HENRY call me. Henry supposedly work’s on Wall Street doing algorithm’s… knows what that is and I don’t. Dad says I should meet him b/c Henry’s dad says he has never had a girlfreind, so I can’t get an STD from him! Yay! Already dad is pusheing him into bed with me? FOOEY! He had dirty hair and teeth as I remember. Dad says he would be stabel like his dad, who works for the town.
We’ll I told dado would call him. It’s not like I have any other prospects and I do want to go out with a guy.
I have a calendar call so I am off to court! The life of a BIGTIME litiegeator is alway’s exciting. Yay!!!!!

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

He was the one that told me FOOEY

Every time Ellen reports that she said FOOEY to someone, I wonder a little bit whether it's the verbatim transcript. But lately she's also been attributing FOOEY to other characters, first Myrna and today MP. I wish to know even more whether all of these peeople in her circle have picked up the interjection from her (as I have).

See bottom paragraph for Henry. I have a number of reasons to suspect this is the same Henry mentioned a couple of months ago, most notably his apparent alliance with Ellen's father. But the former Henry was a college acquaintance, whereas this one she claims not to have seen since high school. 

At this point I'm cocky enough to half-expect that she'll clarify at my command. Are they Henry I and II, or one and the same?

What I do is figure OUT who the most important cleint is, and do the work for that cleint. In my world, the cleint with the biggest book of business to the firm is the one I sugest to the manageing partner that I should do the work from.
I also have no one to delegate the work to, so unless I am to work 24/7, it will HAVE to wait. That is what I sugest to the manageing partner, and he always agrees, b/c he is like clockwork — there is no way he is not geting on the 6:07 or whatever it is, every evening on the LIRR. He was the one that told me FOOEY when I asked him a question year’s ago when he was runing out the door to catch that train. “IT CAN WAIT!” he said And it did. YAY!
This weekend, Myrna and Roberta treated me to a special Pastrami and Corn Beef tripel decker sanwich at a deli in the Bronx. I said there was to much bread (RYE), so I took out the middel layer of BREAD, and mixed up the corn beef with the Pastrami! YAY! It was SO good, especialy with DOCTOR BROWN’s DIET CREAME SODA. DOUBEL YUMMY! I had so much garlic, tho, that I was burpeing all the way home in Myrna’s car, then I had alot of gas all day Sunday, so I did NOT leave the apartement. FOOEY on that, b/c it was sunny out.
Then this guy from High School, Henry, calls me. I do NOT know how he got my number, but I suspect dad. Henry is workeing in the City, and want’s to get together. He was very tall but also sloppy looking in High School and had very dirty hair, but that was almost 15 year’s ago. I think he was on the Chess Team or the Math team, and he hung around with some other guy’s that were kind of geeky. Who know’s? Mabye he got good looking since then, but with my luck, he is probabley just alot older and alot sloppyier. I hardly think he turned into Brad Pit. I also think Dad must have talked to his dad and now look who is lookeing me up? Henry. OMG! I do not know where he lives, but he called on a 516 number. Maybe he is living at home in his Dad’s basement. I did agree to call him back, b/c I was to busy to chat. When my dad calls tonite, I will ask him if he made Henry’s dad have Henry call me. I hope this doesn’t turn into another Gonzalo type of stalker. FOOEY on that!

a BIG pain in the tuchus

Smelly sweaters, another perennial problem in Ellen's domestic life (hers or those of potentially western European roommates). I'd like to know who the freind from college was, though--presumably not Myrna. 

Waiting dutifully to hear the "other story,"--especially since she seem's to have taken both Sunday and Presidents Day off from commenting.

Kat, you are right. It is expensive. But the high neckline is good to keep wandering eyes lookeing where they DON”T belong. FOOEY!
As to the OP, you probabely do have some guilt over spendeing money for a new place when you have a nice rental that you like (and presumeably is cheeper).
I had a similar issue, but I got over it quickely. When I came back to NY from DC I had to stay back with my parent’s on LI, when I got this great job with the manageing partner. It was a BIG pain in the tuchus for me to commute from LI every day (even tho the manageing partner does it, he has a huge house as well as a summer home in the Hamton’s), so I decided that I wanted to move into the CITY.
So a freind from college invited me to move in with her in her rental in the upper east side, b/c her roommate moved in with her boyfreind. The rent was $3000 a month (1500 each), but after moveing in, I did NOT like it b/c there were roaches and MICE scurrying around. It was DISGUSTING. My dad said no daughter of his could live this way, so he goe’s out and without even telleing me, buy’s a new CO-OP 10 block’s away for what was then alot of money, and he is paying the morgage. When he gave me the key’s, I agreed that I would pay the mainetenence, which is almost as much as the rent I was paying to live in the roach invested dump I left on 89th street (UGH).
So in 3 month’s, I had gone from a beautiful room on LI at Mom & Dad’s, to a walkup dump in the City to a beautiful 1 bedroom co-op with a balcony, a doorman and a pool. So even tho it was trumatic, I did get over it, b/c it meant liveing by myself instead of with my family or my girlfreind from college. She did get another freind to live with her, but I had to throw out alot of my clothe’s b/c there was alot of MICE poopie and other smelly thing’s in my sweater’s. FOOEY!
I learned my lesson, and you also should alway’s know that there is some thing better waiteing for you. I am very busy today, so will have to tell my other story later. I alway’s prefer to help other’s like this woman. YAY!!!!!!