Wednesday, June 29, 2011

"Can we caption the photo?"

Well done, guys.

Formerly Preggo Angie June 29, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Can we caption the photo? My entry:
“Why does the bald manageing partner always stare at me?”
Caroline June 29, 2011 at 3:44 pm
I believe you meant: “Why does the BALD manageing partner always STARE at me?”
michelle June 29, 2011 at 6:05 pm
:-) you forgot to mention his BAD BREADTHE!!!
DammitJanet June 29, 2011 at 3:48 pm
“I had to get as far away as POSSIBLE from his bad breath.”
Kanye East June 29, 2011 at 4:47 pm
That’s “bad breathe,” and don’t you forget it!
mamabear June 30, 2011 at 12:19 am
hee hee
But Ellen NEEDS to wear things like this now that ALAN is out of the picture and cannot be trusted due to his ALCOHOL problem. Maybe she can find a manageing partner who is not BALD.

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Friday, June 24, 2011

Look what happened to Andrew Weener.

Ellen June 24, 2011 at 2:19 pm
You should go to B&H Foto Store in MIDTOWN. They were VERY helpful to my ex-BOYFRIEND, Alan, when he got a video camera.
They sold him a good one with a link to the COMPUTER, so that there is NO video tape, it is ALL digital. He took alot of pictures, but I insisted that he NOT take any of me. I am SO glad I made sure he took NO pictures of me, expecially since he became an alcholhic and is NOT now to be trusted.
If you go to B&H, tell them that you are just looking. I think they are reputable, b/c I went in and looked around and they did NOT want to take my picture for the wall.
Good luck, and make sure no one takes picutures of you. Look what happened to Andrew Weener.

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Sunday, June 19, 2011

a little heart above my Ankel

OK, we have another friend: LINDA.

Ellen June 19, 2011 at 9:01 am
I once thought about getting a tatoo, a little heart above my Ankel, but my father said no b/c he said I would regret it.
So I did NOT get it, even though my friend Linda got one.
She got married, and I did not, so I am NOT sure I would have regretted it. I never asked any boyfriend what they thought, but would NOT want to be like Angelina Jolie when she broke up with Billy Bob Thorton.

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Being 5 pounds over is NOT a big deal.

I do indeed think that the original post here was Ellen, who then went back to her main identity to give advice to herself. Losing weight by July 4 is a theme with her.

SJB June 17, 2011 at 2:23 pm
This is a perfect little black dress!
Threadjack: As a large size 4, I sometimes am a little self-conscious trying to wear my own little black dress, especially since mine is cut low in the back. I can not see if this one is, but I need to lose about 5 lbs before I can wear mine out this summer. I have a beautiful set of black pumps that go so well with mine, but until I can wear the dress, I am out of luck.
Now my boyfriend is getting on my case to lose weight now, even to the point he will tell me what to eat and not eat at dinner.
How can I tell him to lay off on this and give me time — at least until July 4 to lose the 5 pounds? It is getting very annoying. Help!
DTMFA June 17, 2011 at 7:50 pm
Ditch the boyfriend now and you’ll lose weight super fast and in quantities beyond your wildest dreams: 160-220+ ugly pounds in one fell swoop.
You deserve better than being treated like a child. DTMFA.
CfM June 17, 2011 at 8:28 pm
haha love this
Another Sarah June 17, 2011 at 8:16 pm
Every time he tells you what you can/can’t eat for dinner, punch him. Awesome back/shoulder workout, which will make you look fabulous in the dress. :-)
*Kidding, of course – beating up people isn’t cool. But I agree with the poster above ^^.
Bonnie June 17, 2011 at 10:57 pm
I’ve got to say it… TROLL!!!
Anonymous June 18, 2011 at 9:07 am
Can we please stop assuming people are trolls and give them the benefit of the doubt for awhile.
Ses June 18, 2011 at 10:35 am
I thought troll too. I kind of felt we were all ignoring the OP’s question because it sounded insincere.
AEK June 19, 2011 at 5:17 pm
I agree with Bonnie
Ellen June 18, 2011 at 8:16 am
You are better then him.
I AGREE you should tell him to stop and if he does not stop, loose him.
There are men that do not care. Being 5 pounds over is NOT a big deal.
Fooey on him!
1L-1 June 18, 2011 at 11:31 pm
I actually agree with her!
michelle June 18, 2011 at 10:46 am
anyone calling themselves a “large” size 4, with a boyfriend who cares about 5 pounds, is either a troll or needs a serious wake up call.
Anonymous June 18, 2011 at 11:28 am
I think you may be in a abusive relationship so I hope the flippant comments don’t turn you off. Does this man put you down in other ways? Does he discount your ideas? Please get help if he is psychologically hurting you.
CfM June 18, 2011 at 11:54 am
Isn’t a large size 4 a 6? Cuz I’d like to start calling myself a large size 4 (just 4 sizes larger :)
In all seriousness, there is a reply to your second post down below that was good. My boyfriend has commented on what I have eaten before after I spent a week complaining about how fat I felt and then was eating ice cream out of the quart container. He did the “don’t kill me but.. if you are feeling self conscious, maybe you need to be more conscious about what you eat.” If he is upset about the five pounds, he really is overstepping his bounds.

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Saturday, June 18, 2011

Be CARFUL about your feelings.

Ellen June 18, 2011 at 8:13 am
Be CARFUL about your feelings. You may THINK a person is getting feelings for another, you have to disstinguish that from sexual feelings where you just are Looking for raw sex.
My ex, Alan, always wanted to have sex with me, but I think he also had feelings too, when he was not drinking alchohol. So I think you can have attraction of all kinds and you HAVE to be able to understand what you are having.

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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I am staying PUT

Ellen June 15, 2011 at 5:59 pm
CONGRATS! It is not great out there, so don’t worry to much about it if you have a significant other to HELP. Right now, I am staying PUT because I do not have a boyfriend, but I will move on once I get a boyfriend who can help with the rent.

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Friday, June 10, 2011

kilts and not wear underwear

So much clamoring for Ellen to take center stage.

Ellen June 10, 2011 at 10:52 am
Yes, it is DISGUSTING. We are always getting objectivized, and now we can’t walk up the stairs b/c men look up our skirts? I think the men ought to walk around in kilts and not wear underwear so we can examine their packages. Fooey on them!
skippy pea June 10, 2011 at 12:00 pm
Ellen, you have lost your mojo! Too bad. :))
Ellen Devotee June 10, 2011 at 12:56 pm
Ellen, do you have your own blog yet? I think you give Jean Teasdale’s old column at The Onion a run for its money.
Accountress June 10, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Kilts should not be worn as a punishment to men who may or may not have been checking out one’s underwear. Kilts should be worn as respect for the great heritage of the Scottish people, and for the way their ingenuity has modernized our world.
Besides, that’s pounds of unlined heavy wool. I wouldn’t wish that kind of chafing on my worst enemy…
Anonymous June 10, 2011 at 2:22 pm
Guest blogger on Corporette!!! Please!!!
Telly June 10, 2011 at 3:15 pm
I would love an Ellen/Alan guest post!
Little Lurker June 10, 2011 at 4:04 pm
Seconded, I LOVE Ellen’s posts these days. They are HILARIOUS.

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Wednesday, June 8, 2011

men say that I look just like January Jones

Further references to blonde stars of the screen. This one slightly younger. Thanks, guys!

Laura June 8, 2011 at 2:30 pm
Yes, I just LOVE this series b/c men say that I look just like January Jones and everybody says so. Now I have to wait for another 6 months to get recognized.
Anon June 8, 2011 at 4:25 pm
Really? I thought men said you looked just like Gwyneth Paltrow?
Oh, wait, that was Ellen…
Eponine June 8, 2011 at 4:28 pm
You’re a bad actress like her, too, Ellen!

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Saturday, June 4, 2011

We are all corpporetes!

Ellen June 4, 2011 at 9:59 pm
You will do IT! Hang in there! When I was studying for the BAR exam, I had to stay at my cousins’ house in ALBANY. I was NEVER there before but I had to take the BAR in ALBANY. Can you imagine? Anyways, I knew no one and then I did not even knoow Alan. He came later. So I had alot of time to study and I passed the first time.
You will ALSO pass if you just concintrate on what you are studying and do NOT go out at night to bars. I met some peeple there at the BARBRI class that wanted to go OUT every night and I did NOT have the time to read the book and go out. Some guy with blond hair who smelled like warm milk always sat next to me. Fooey!
So you can do it. We are all corpporetes!

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Friday, June 3, 2011

NOT supposed to eat your SHOES!

Ellen June 3, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Vegan Sandals? You are NOT supposed to eat your SHOES! I have a nice pair of sandals, but they are LEATHER. That is not VEGAN, but who cares since we are NOT eating it. I supose you could get some hemp sandals from Hugo Boss, but they are SO expensive. I perfer the sandals I got at Lord and Taelor for $37.50 (with the COUPON). If you dont have but still want a COUPON, you can always get 20% off just by aksing them.
Runnin' for it June 3, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Thanks, Ellen. Now please weigh in on my makeup question below.
Ru June 3, 2011 at 1:03 pm
Oh priceless. I want to meet Ellen in person.
Anonymous June 3, 2011 at 1:12 pm
I LOL’d.
Can I be friends with the person who made the brownies? They look divine.
govvie June 3, 2011 at 2:08 pm
I wonder if Ellen gets paid by the capital letters.

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