A repository for institutional knowledge about (presumably) fictional internet personality ELLEN BARSHEVSKY
Friday, January 4, 2013
I could Handel the DOUBEL entenders.
This illumination of Ellen's go-to hair styles is very helpful to me, graphics-wise. A number of readers had joined me in imagining her with bangs, but at least as of her employment at Manageing & MANAGEING it sounds like those are off limits--so I'm glad we never added them to my logo image. The ponytail, meanwhile, is realistic enough, and as for the scrunchie let's assume this is off-hours. Aside, I wonder why MP doesn't enjoy Ellen's signature hair accessory? More grumpily, since he doesn't do any reimbursement on such items why doesn't she rock them anyway? If the Judge has a dissenting opinion that would surely take precedent.
Listen to me with my lame legal puns. They reflect about the right level of lawyerly sophistication for this forum though, wouldn't you say?
Listen to me with my lame legal puns. They reflect about the right level of lawyerly sophistication for this forum though, wouldn't you say?
The Manageing partner does NOT want me to comb my hair in front of my face or eyes. That is why he forbid’s BANGS. He also dos not like me in an up do so I can onley wear my hair down and some times in a pony tale. He is not big on my scrub hiss [scrunchie's, we can safely assume] either. FOOEY b/c I have a lot [editor's note: was this alot autocorrected or something?] of colors I was hopeing to wear with my color outfit’s!
So I got one of the 2 supermarkit guys to send over 15 cases. The other is going to think about it. He is big on alternate billeing arrangement’s. FOOEY if that means less money for the firm. Since I am not a partner I could.not comit to anything and the Manageing pArtner decided to take Margie to the boat show instead of helpeing me! Yay b/c the supermarkit guys were telling off color jokes, but I could Handel the DOUBEL entenders.
Yay for fruegel Fridays but dad has frozen my clotheing expenses. That is also good for the Manageing partner but NOT for me. DOUBEL FOOEY!
a clothes moratorum b/c of my size
Sometimes I have trouble being even faintly amused by Dad's meat-carver attitude toward women in his family. I wouldn't mind putting him on mute across most subjects, but especially this one. I mean it.
I used to give my old clothes to ROSA b/c she had other expenses, but she is pregnant NOW and has a smaller tuchus then me other wize, so I now give my stuff to the place on LEX , which gives it to worthy home less and others. Yay! At least they get more use out of them then me! But my dad has insisted on a clothes moratorum b/c of my size and insists I keep wearing what I have so I loose 5 MORE pounds! FOOEY!
But I have no choice b/c he gets all my Billieng’s and will see if I go shoppeing! DOUBEL FOOEY! To bad I can’t get ROSA’s clotheing if it fit. My dad says I already have mom’s tuchus and she is 22 year’s older then me. Yay! Thanks dad.
a coupel of typo’s
Really? They're were?
Meeting with the supermarkit guy's is tomorrow (technically now today--Friday 1/4, wee hours)
Meeting with the supermarkit guy's is tomorrow (technically now today--Friday 1/4, wee hours)
I used to get Anxeity when the manageing partner corected me on thing’s but now, I am teacheing him alot more on legal issues then he is teacheing me, and I am not anxious when he lecture’s me about legal thing’s b/c he is just tryeing to help me become more of a lawyer,and to think more like a lawyer, like the old profesor did in the law school movie.
So just say to yourself that you are there to LEARN and that all criticism has at least one thing you can learn from it.
The lady from the bar association called to tell me there were a coupel of typo’s in the powerpoint that she cleaned up for me. I was very happy she did that for me b/c I would NOT want the manageing partner to be standeing up there and then have some sniveling doosh waive his hand and say: “HEY, there are 2 typo’s here? Didnt you prooferead it?”
I will have to be there at the CLE anyway to answer specific LEGAL question’s on the underpinings of do diliegience, but do NOT want him to be embarased by the POWERPOINT.
I am geting 3 credit’s for CLE for writeing the presentation, although I am NOT even listed as the author and am NOT on the program. The manageing partner know’s a lady who gives out the CLE credit’s and she send’s me CLE certificate’s even if I do NOT go at all b/c she used to work as a secretery for the Manageing partner MANY year’s ago and she know’s that it is dificult to get CLE credit’s, especialy ETHICS credit’s. Yay!!!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
FOOEY I told him!
Clashe's with Dad are now spreading from weight to money, with the two issues connected by MP's recent weight loss bonus. As for the supermarkit guy's, again these are potential new cleints, recruited by Ellen, and somewhat more promising than Evan because (at least TBOK) they don't have any extralegal motives.
Every time "Abel" comes up capitalized I have to assume Ellen's on a mobile device with autocorrect; i.e. it thinks she's talking about the biblical character. In other caps coment's, do you think "BE SENT TO HIM TO DEPOSIT" is actually intended emphasis? "Ellen caps," if applied correctly, means randomized capitalization, but this is more like real-person caps. Assuming this real person is pizzed that her Dad still controls all her money (which Ellen, on a typical day, is not).
Every time "Abel" comes up capitalized I have to assume Ellen's on a mobile device with autocorrect; i.e. it thinks she's talking about the biblical character. In other caps coment's, do you think "BE SENT TO HIM TO DEPOSIT" is actually intended emphasis? "Ellen caps," if applied correctly, means randomized capitalization, but this is more like real-person caps. Assuming this real person is pizzed that her Dad still controls all her money (which Ellen, on a typical day, is not).
Myrna taught me that If you drink a lot of water you will get full without CALORIES! Yay! Myrna is so happy about the $100 but now Frank is asking about a 1099 for her. I said FOOEY just give me cash to give her! My dad insist’s that the other $300 BE SENT TO HIM TO DEPOSIT b/c he does NOT want me to spend it. FOOEY I told him! I lost the pound’s!
I would not waste it b/c the 2 supermarkit guy’s are to meet me FRIDAY. Yay! If I can snag these guys I should be Abel to get bonus hours in JANUARY!
the manageing partner was such a sweethart
I had a feeling the 5-pound goal was too ambitious. Myrna really did earn that bonus, though--she could have caroused all the way through the holidays and instead babysat Ellen with exercycle, confiscated cookies and mandatory carrots.
I was actually thinking about the significance of weight in Ellen's life alongside career accomplishments even before (see highlighted sentence below). In her review of 2012's personal and professional developments, Ellen juxtaposed substantive achievements with cosmetic shortcomings without making any direct reference to how they stack up against each other in value. There was simply Column A and Column B. Here, she places work victories decidedly above concerns about tuchus size, even suggesting that now that MP's weigh-in is over she may go straight back to Crumbs. Dad's advice is fooeyed (wonder about the daily exercise guidance emails, though?) and once again Myrna catches shade over her allegedly flat tush. Defense mechanisms in part, to be sure. But are we also perhaps witnessing a change in priorities? Analogously, I assumed the statement that Ellen could take or leave men in 2013 was pure bluster, but maybe I should give it a littel wait-and-see.
Ellen has wished all of us, and Kat, a happy new year at least 4 times as of this po'st. On another admin note, I am wondering if lately this blog's "real" reader/commenters have been intimidated by the Sunshine Girls' dominance in my inbox. My pageviews are actually higher than ever, but I'm not hearing from as many of you these days aside from S&S. Is it indeed too much sunshine? Anything up with the comment function? Other issues? I'd love to get any hint's.
Always as your service,
ELLENWatch
I was actually thinking about the significance of weight in Ellen's life alongside career accomplishments even before (see highlighted sentence below). In her review of 2012's personal and professional developments, Ellen juxtaposed substantive achievements with cosmetic shortcomings without making any direct reference to how they stack up against each other in value. There was simply Column A and Column B. Here, she places work victories decidedly above concerns about tuchus size, even suggesting that now that MP's weigh-in is over she may go straight back to Crumbs. Dad's advice is fooeyed (wonder about the daily exercise guidance emails, though?) and once again Myrna catches shade over her allegedly flat tush. Defense mechanisms in part, to be sure. But are we also perhaps witnessing a change in priorities? Analogously, I assumed the statement that Ellen could take or leave men in 2013 was pure bluster, but maybe I should give it a littel wait-and-see.
Ellen has wished all of us, and Kat, a happy new year at least 4 times as of this po'st. On another admin note, I am wondering if lately this blog's "real" reader/commenters have been intimidated by the Sunshine Girls' dominance in my inbox. My pageviews are actually higher than ever, but I'm not hearing from as many of you these days aside from S&S. Is it indeed too much sunshine? Anything up with the comment function? Other issues? I'd love to get any hint's.
Always as your service,
ELLENWatch
Me to, but OMG! This is a wonderful DRESS, but I am still tryeing to be more fruegal b/c of the extra payroll taxe’s Frank say’s we are now goeing to have to pay this year! FOOEY! FRANK is also kind of MAD b/c he has to get a programer to change the payroll program to deduct MORE money’s from our paycheck b/c of the fiscal cliff stuff. I think FRANK is just lazy and does NOT want to have to do anything different. When I am a partner, I will have to tell him NOT to be to lazy.
I did NOT win the $500/ 5 pound chalenge after all (I onley lost 4 pound’s ), but the manageing partner was such a sweethart after my weigh-in, and he said he would STILL give me $400 anyway’s b/c I did loose 4 pound’s,and it was the HOLIDAY!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BUT I will STILL give MYRNA the $100 I promised her if I won the chalenge b/c the manageing partner was very nice to give me the $400 EVEN tho I did NOT loose 5. My father says I need to loose even more if I want to be SVELTE. He says that I should not have a big tush and that I should look to Myrna as my roll model b/c she is very atheletic and has a flat tush. Good for her,but I am the one with a JD degree, and I am the one who is admitted to the NY Bar,and I am the one who is goeing to be a partner. I think with all of that, who care’s if I have a bigger tuchus? FOOEY!
Happy new year’s to the HIVE and Kat! Yay!
part of hi’s fiscal cliff
This is the first appearance of Roberta's son (as other than a memory of nursing). But do you realize Ellen just told us about a man who evidently did not find her attractive? I can't remember this ever happening before and would have expected a lot more cushioning, qualifiers, or at least painstaking evidence.
I wonder why Dad is gunning for Evan...
I wonder why Dad is gunning for Evan...
I have 1 pound to go!!! B Myrna is makeing me run in 10 minutes! My dad just left. He rearanged my apartement to make it deducteable! Yay! He pay’s alot so this is part of hi’s fiscal cliff. He say’s bieng MARRIED is not such a tax brake as much as it used to be but he STILL want’s me MARRIED b/c Rosa is married and he wants grandkid’s from me to! Yay, but I will NOT settel. He KNOWS that now. I told him about bad breathe EVAN and he says mabye I should sugest a dentist or buy him some LISTIRINE. FOOEY! I do not like stinky mouth, even if he is a CEO. FOOEY!
Myrna is calleing now! Happy new year to KAT and the hive!!! Yay!
Roberta thought I would like her son but he did not like me either. He wants a maid who will cook and clean up after him. FOOEY on that!
Myrna did not like him either!
Myrna did not like him either!
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This post should be considered as part of a pattern of occasional racially/ethnically stereotyping comments and also as the latest in an indecisive series regarding hired housework assistance. Ellen has gone back and forth in reporting whether she has (or has ever) hired cleaners.