[Fred defect's?]

The Sunshine Girls and I are dismayed, and Kanye's tone is appropriate as well. Fred (set up with Ellen by her BIL) stopped by the office and apparently ended up distracted by the young-ish secretary! He must not have taken too many pains to hide it, either. 

Ellen wasn't even sure she was all that interested, but they had a date coming up and she was beginning to evaluate her career future if she pulled up all stakes and decamped to LI for him. Maybe Lynn should go in her place--she's single as far as I know. Then Manageing & MANAGEING can hire somebody older and saggier for the front desk so this sort of thing doesn't keep happening. 

Ellen :

12/05/2013 at 3:05 pm

Fred is here. FOOEY! He’s flirting with Lynn.

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• Kanye East :

  12/05/2013 at 3:24 pm
  It’s your party; you can cry if you want to.

  Cry if you want to.

  Cry if you want to.
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So we just have a stump there

When a toilet gets chopped down, it leaves a stump that cannot regenerate any new growth on its own. Best wishes to Manageing & MANAGEING LLP for a functioning bathroom asap, or better still a resolution to the longstanding plan to move offices. 

I believe the runner to whom Ellen is responding is our own January, so dear reader please appreciate that the MANAGEING baldness/bad breathe himself has opinions on your exercise plan. 

Ellen :

12/04/2013 at 4:22 pm

I am back from Court, and I won 6 out of 7 motion’s! The one that I did NOT win was a motion for attorney’s fees and sanction’s, which I did NOT get granted. The plaintiff said that he was injured, but we have a picture of HIM on the basketball court. The judge said that he could NOT tell if he was just standeing there or playing. I said he had NIKE AIR’s on (not like mine) and short’s so he HAD to be playeing. His lawyer said this was NOT conclusive. The JUDGE dismissed the case, but did NOT award me attorney’s fees and Sanction’s. FOOEY!

As for the OP, I would NOT run on a rainy night with temp’s in the 40′s!!!! Why run at night any way? And if it is in the 40′s you will freeze your tuchus off, particularely if it is rainy and you get soaked. I talked to the manageing partner about this and he said he agreed with me.

We still do NOT have access to the firm’s own toilet. They have to replace the porcelean bowl b/c they broke it when they tried to snake out the toilet. So we just have a stump there which can NOT even be used by Frank or any man for urineation. Now we all go into the hall to make #1 and #2, b/c of Frank’s issue’s. I cant WAIT to move to Park Avenue next year. I have an office with a NICE window lookeing out on Park Avenue. My dad is very proud b/c he was the one who selected MY office from the BLUE Print’s! YAY!

Tomorrow Fred is pickeing me up early so we can eat Italian in Brooklyn. I want a salad with alot of olive’s and mabye some pasta primevera if I starve dureing the day. He said he would drive but I told him we should just take a CAB or the subway. We will have to see how this all work’s out. He is bringeing dog treat’s with him for me to give to Myrna b/c she has a puppy SCHNOUZZER named Xilo. I think Xilo is smarther then alot of men in NYC, tho he also like’s to sniff in place’s he should NOT be sniffeing. FOOEY!

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with a SNAKE and gas masks

Not sure when Mrs. Barshevsky's birthday is, exactly. I say her surprise gift is a divorce! God knows she's earned it by now. 

Ellen :

12/03/2013 at 3:35 pm

What a coincence! We are planning my mom’s 60th, so I will have to come back and read the IDEA’S on this thread! Yay and thank’s for raising the ISSUE. Rosa is takeing the lead on the party, but we are thinkeing of hosteing the party at a hotel, b/c we do NOT want peeople spilling schmutz all over her persian carpet, and needless to say, I onley have a 2 BR coop that can NOT handel the 50 or so peeople Rosa is inviteing. We thought of having peeople go to Rosa’s but that is in the middel of NOWHERE, in Chapaqua, and many peeople would be coming all the way from LI up there so we FOOEYED that Idea. Grandma Leyeh has a very big apartement in the Bronx, but in not such a great block, and we would NOT want peeople to drive there and have their tire’s stolen. So there are a few hotel’s on LI we are lookeing at, one in Garden City and some in Manhattan, but they are very expensive. Fortunately, Dad said he would pick up the entire tab, b/c as he says, you are ONLEY 60 once! He passed that 2 year’s ago.

Frank caused a probelem today at work, b/c he backed up the firm’s toilet. He said it was b/c of Thanksgiving, but this is Tuesday already and I can NOT beleive this is the first time he has had to go since he ate turkey, but he said that turkey “binds him”. FOOEY! All I know is that the building maintance guy’s had to come up here with a SNAKE and gas masks. DOUBEL FOOEY! I am glad I took a long lunch b/c it was NOT plesant to be sitting in my office this morning. FOOEY!

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that I had appraised at $3.

This one does have some historical resonance. First, if Ellen's Rolex from Dad is real, she had a funny way of returning the love a few years after he gave it to her! If it isn't real, then Ellen is so dense she can't spot a hoax played on her even when she's played precisely the same one on the hoaxer.  

As for Alan's infamous stinginess, I LOOOOVVVE that Ellen got this particular bracelet appraised. Wonder if she was thinking about insuring it? While we're on the subject here are my favorite posts (one, then a-two, and a-three) about Alan getting her gifts at CVS. (Hi, Eunice.)

Ellen :

12/03/2013 at 2:43 pm

I do NOT like peeople to buy me any jewlery. That is b/c it is my taste that matters and way to many peeople think they know my taste. But they do NOT. I usueally get very NONDESCRIPT jewlery that peeople will NOT recognise when I wear it over again. I also have a ROLEX watch that my dad bought me when I gradueated from LAW School, b/c he said I always should be PROMPT when goieng into COURT. I still wear it today, even tho it is over 6 year’s old! YAY Dad!!!!!!

When I was dateing Alan, he bought me a very CHEAP bangel, that I had appraised at $3. He told me it was 18K gold, but it was NOT even gold plated. I told Alan he should keep it or give it to his sister Syd, so he did. FOOEY on Alan and cheap jewlery! FOOEY!

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haveing babie’s and doeing DOMESTIC thing’s

Sometimes Ellen really is a troll in the most conventional sense. I'm all sputtering and ear-smoking and up in arm's, of course. 

There's no news here. We even already knew about the tuchus growth necessitating salad. NEXXXTTTT

Ellen :

12/03/2013 at 10:43 am

Nice Dress, Cat, but a little pricey for me. Also, Frank would be grabbeing at my tuchus (which he already is doeing), because he calls it his early Christmas present. I think it is sexist, but I let it go. FOOEY on him!

As for the OP, Yay that your grandparent’s put money into a fund for you — my Grandma Leyeh did that for me, but she has my DAD manageing it for me so I do NOT have to even think about it. She told me a long time ago that we should ALWAYS leave the financeial decision’s to the MEN in our live’s b/c we have more important thing’s to think about, includeing, this time of year, getting the BEST sale’s on clotheing and haveing babie’s and doeing DOMESTIC thing’s. She is of course NOT 100% right, but she is on the financeial thing’s. Dad does EVERYTHING for me and my 401K has grown alot b/c he is manageing it for me! He want’s me to get MARRIED so that my HUSBAND can do this already, but he like’s makeing it grow for me and showeing me how smart he is with my finaneaces! YAY Dad!!!!

I am trying to FEND off WILLEM, who is fixeated on getting a picture of me to send home. What is it about these men? What is he telling his family about me? He said he did NOT tell them I was his girlfreind, but if that is TRUE, why such a fixeation on getting a photo to send back to Belgum? There MUST be plenty of other girl’s he can take picture’s of at work — since I am NOT his girlfreind, I said I will NOT let him take my picture. Myrna said that Men photoshop picture’s of us with NAKED women and then put it up on FACEBOOK! FOOEY! I do NOT want to be photoshoped onto a naked woman for his Facebook page! DOUBEL FOOEY!

I am goeing with Fred to the Barclay’s Center and he want’s to take me out to eat first. Because I ate so much I need to find a place in Brooklyn that has good salad’s. Does the HIVE know a place near there we can eat? I do NOT want a bigger tuchus then normal, so I MUST have salad. HELP!

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(woman wize)

So Ellen gained 4 pound's in fewer days and is unabel to lose the tuchus to frost! Holidays are such a stressful time, don't we know it. Skipping ahead a bit, we FINALLY meet Roberta's son (a Philadelphian, remember) and I want to know what he does to have such a doubtful future income. In more immediate prospects, Ellen has confirmed on the Knicks game with Fred--recall he's a friend of Ed and Rosa's and wants Ellen to move out to LI and help him run pet stores.

And, to bring it back up to Para. #2, we're back to speculation that Alan did in fact cheat. Most of the time, he sounds like such a borderline functioner (at least during their relationship) that he could only handle one, woman wize, but obviously I wasn't there. I do remember one oblique reference to a maybe-other woman in the past, but that's all I got. ***Hmm maybe Ellen will explain for us now Hmm***

Ellen :

12/02/2013 at 9:38 am

I so much agree, KC! Cat, this look’s like the old black and white TV my dad installed in his toilet! He insist’s it still work’s tho it is NOT in color. FOOEY!

I had a busy weekend and ate alot of turkey and stufffing (includeing my own YAM stuffeing, which everyone thought was a HIT, even Grandma Leyeh!). Unfortuneately, I put on 4 pound’s, I think nearly all in the tuchus and leg’s. Dad made me walk with him on Thanksgiving, and it was SO COLD OUT that I thought I froze my tuchus off, but when I came back in, it was still there! DOUBEL FOOEY.

Dad had David and his dad stop by the house on Thanksgiving for dessert. Dad want’s me to start over with David. David say’s his company is still doing OK, but he said he does NOT want to I.P.O. in this economic climate b/c he heard about all of the compleaince issue’s that public companie’s have to deal with. Dad want’s me to consider workeing as David’s General Council, but I do NOT see a future there unless they I.P.O. David’s dad wants for David to get MARRIED so that he is not focused on different women. I do NOT know where David has been (woman wize), so am not sure if he is clean. I would have to have him tested, b/c even Alan was noseing around other women and I am not sure where else. TRIPEL FOOEY!

Myrna thought David was OK, but Olak, the guy she started seeing, wants to have sex already, and they onley went out twice! She said Olak has funny breathe and some kind of a twitch, and she is NOT goeing to have sex with him.

Also, I met Roberta’s son, Keith, and he want’s to date me now. He seem’s nice enough, but I am NOT sure he would be abel to earn the kind of money we need to support me and I am not sure I want to have children with him yet. But he is comeing back into town in late December and want’s to see me then. We will see. YAY (mabye)!

Fineally, Willem kept texteing me this weekend askeing about getting together. I am not sure b/c he want’s to take a picture of me to send home. I have NO IDEA what he told his family about me and I do NOT want to be thought of as the gal WILLEM is haveing sex with when I onley went out with him a few time’s.

Finally, I do have to go to the Net’s Game against the KNICKs this week with Fred. The manageing partner says that both team’s “stink” but at least 1 team will win. YAY!!!!

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"the non-conformist, high energy professional"

Once again, Pest opposes Ellen and suggests that I pack it in. This is, however, I believe the first time that I've been called out sans provocation--I hadn't said anything on this thread, nor been mentioned by others. At any rate, I maintain that I could only retire in good conscience if I knew somebody else out there, who could ELLENWatch better than I, was ready to take the reins. 

As to Marina, who probably works at S&S Associates too, I'll go in order of the highlights:

1. The Rx for somebody who doesn't like Ellen is to make sure to read every single one of her posts and acquire the taste.
2. My own blog is "magical," and even manages to be "on point" more than half the time! YAY!!!
3. Ellen has been posting on Corporette since at least 2010, so I don't know where "the last year or so" came from. See Item 1, perhaps, or even my own third sentence above? (Then you can re-read this entire text, religiously, until you start thinking you might actually like it.) 

Pest :

11/29/2013 at 5:52 pm

Can anyone answer WHY is there an Ellen here? Why does the person or people who do this bother? Why is there an Ellenwatch? Why are people entertained by this? Honestly, I don’t understand it.

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• Marina :

  11/29/2013 at 11:36 pm
  Pest, Ellen represents a little bit of the non-conformist, high energy professional in all of us that we can smile at and appreciate. She’s young, vivacious and outspoken. Moreover, she can be really funny at times, because she is serious about each of the subject matters she addresses in her own attempt to help others in the hive. Ellen, in her own mind, knows everything, and in her microcosmic life, Ellen has truly been able to flourish. The managing partner loves her (i.e., she is a billing black belt), the judge loves her (possibly as an unrequited sex toy), and her clients love her (Roberta, Jim and a few others who accept her billings willingly). She struggles with her weight, and her father pushes her hard to look good so she can get married and off his hands. There is always a good story about a guy who tries to get the best of her sexually, but inevitably they’ve nearly all wound up empty-handed holding their own while Ellen casually moves on to the next guy who will not likely be worthy in the mind of her all consuming dad and her long-suffering mom. I think that if you read Ellen religiously, not only will you learn to appreciate what she has to say, but you will also look forward to her posts. I think this is why Ellenwatch has come on the scene and become a valuable place to find her posts, so if you don’t catch her posts here, Ellenwatch will be there to collect her posts for all of us, and add her own magical interpretations, most of which are on point! Yay, Ellenwatch! In this connection, I think Ellen has given us more than a few sayings we’ve incorporated into our own vernacular, such as JSFAMO, No way, Hoze! FOOEY! and a few other sayings that do not immediately come to mind.

  So sit back, relax and enjoy Ellen while we have her, because once she finds a real “Boyfreind”, I am sure he will keep her busy enough so that she will not have the same time and energy to post on her daily life as she’s done here for the past year or so.
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