ELLENWatch: May 2012

Thursday, May 31, 2012

I did NOT get into Fi Betta Kappa either

I like this one a great deal. Titling it was more of a challenge than with most because the treatment of eleitist learned societies (1) and the prudent babe etiquette threadjack (2) are equally compelling.

Ellen May 31, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I would NOT join MENSA. It is very eleitist. My Father told me that HE was asked to JOIN but he said NO so I never even tried to figure out anything more about it. I did NOT get into Fi Betta Kappa either, but I still am alive. Yay!

I have a threadjack: Does anyone know what the best thing to say when a guy says he want’s you to be the mother of his children? I did NOT know what to say and still do NOT know if this was a complement or NOT. BTW, the guy who said it did NOT even know me, b/c it was on the 4 line near 14th Street.

TCFKAG May 31, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Ellen. I suggest that you say that you either ignore them (first choice) or say “I’m sorry, I only mother children with men I meet in taxi cabs. They are much classier.)” And then get off at the next stop and change train cars. Because eeewww creepy.

Godzilla May 31, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Dude, CLASSYER. Duh.

TCFKAG May 31, 2012 at 5:09 pm: DOH> I knew I was gettIng something WRONG.

JessC May 31, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Ellen, dear – he was hitting on you. He was being a bit pervy, so it was best not to respond.

Clearly you don’t take after your father.

KLG May 31, 2012 at 4:00 pm: Hahahaha!

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Kanye East May 31, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Ugh, 14th Street? Grody to the max.

[Double Frances]

Oh Ellen.

Frances May 31, 2012 at 11:34 am

I agree. When I am slimmer I tuck alot. But now with my tush. I go Looser, meaning less tuck.

Frances May 31, 2012 at 11:36 am

What a DOOSH!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

We amost all want a husband and children,

Ellen May 30, 2012 at 3:05 pm

If he is SERIOUS about giving it up, fine, but otherwise you SHOULD think hard about whether you want a drunk or a dry drunk as a HUSBAND and FATHER. FOOEY on a drunk or dry drunk.

I never MARRIED Alan, or even got close and it was a good thing. We amost all want a husband and children, but NOT with a drunk or a dry drunk. That is why I got rid of Alan, and beleive me, I do NOT look back.

I say FREEZE the eggs so that you will have them availeable, either for him if he EVER sober’s up, or some other guy who will treat you RIGHT.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

sneezeing all over the Potatoe salad

Ellen May 29, 2012 at 9:55 am

I love it also, but OMG, it is way to expensive! I would need the manageing partner to give me a big raise and then get the reembursment over 50%. He made it CLEAR that is NOT going to haapen, and that is after he called me Saturday to go to his family’s house for a barbeque! Fooey!

I changed my plan’s just to GO, and his BROTHER’s family was there also. The brother look’s just like the manageing partner BUT with a little hair on the sides. He was busy sneezeing all over the Potatoe salad, but said it was just Hay Fever? Who care’s? It was GROSS! I did NOT eat much, and that was a good thing, b/c I still have to loose about 10 pounds before I can get into a size 4. Fooey! The sister-in-law, Madeline, says I am very cute, but I know I have to loose more before I can go to the beach.

Friday, May 25, 2012

you have to be pickey!

So our personalized rendition on DTMFA is JSFAMO.

Ellen May 25, 2012 at 6:43 pm

You are NOT alone. I had a probelem with my ex, Alan Sheketovits. He perfered the bottle over me. I am ALMOST over him (my mom calls it “EGGZOVER”) and I do NOT like it when guys just want me for sex. I am worth alot more then that. You, like me, will find another guy who will treat you right! We are better then the men who act like boys. Eventuelly there will be another guy, we just have to wait for him to show up!!!!! He will be there. There are alot of guys who want me (and you); you have to be pickey! Not just any slob! It has to be the right slob, my dad says! I say FOOEY! No slob for me. I want the real deal. A guy who is a prince who will treat me like the Queen of Sheba! Yes, that is what we deserve! Not just any slob! So forget that guy–men are all around. Pick the right one! Best of luck to you!

TCFKAG May 26, 2012 at 7:50 am: Oh Ellen. That’s sweet.

And h8ll yeah lady. Just say FOOEY and move on! I’m even going to have a mug that says that.

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I did NOT get the TERRAMASOU

I love "Ptooey" as a situation-adapted variation on our usual.

Ellen May 25, 2012 at 9:49 am

This is a GREAT buy, and I think I will go this WEEKEND to get one- hopfully I will be abel to get into a size 4 — I have been watcheing my diet alot, and staying away from FATENEING deserts.

When I went to MORTON’S I did NOT get the TERRAMASOU, and got BERRIES instead. Their were alot of seed’s (Ptooey!) and NO wipped cream. I was GOOD! Yay!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

[mamabear passes the mug]

I'm sorry, January. Definitely fill that mug up with M 'n' Ms and then "just move on" to something a little stronger.
In somewhat better news, we already have a mug! Lots of respect, mamabear! I think the font is OK because it looks (perhaps imprecisely) like Corporette comments, at least in my browser.
I actually have a lot of FOOEYing and moveing on to do myself, unfortunately. Similar frustration was part of what spurred me to start this blog. Cheers? (mugs click)
UPDATE, 6-6-12: Reader Kady has embellished somewhat.

January May 24, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Ladies! I did not get the job. AGAIN. But they really, really liked me, which is good to know for my future Oscar acceptance speech. Anyway, I am ready for my “Just say FOOEY and move on” mug, preferably filled with something other than coffee.

Oh, well. But FOOEY.

TCFKAG May 24, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I want this mug too. Like badly. Seriously, someone get on this.

KLG May 24, 2012 at 4:08 pm

So sorry you didn’t get the job. I think you do deserve a mug full of something other than coffee. Hang in there!

mamabear May 24, 2012 at 4:24 pm

http://www.cafepress.com/mamabearsemporium

Here. I did zero retail markup so hopefully this is at cost.

Anon May 24, 2012 at 4:26 pm

So…are we taking bets on how many days it takes before there are “fooey-mug” sightings at work?

mamabear May 24, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Depends on how long shipping takes. Mine will be here that many days from right now!

TCFKAG May 24, 2012 at 4:32 pm: Oh jesus. Now i must order it. And sip coffee from it, coffee that tastes of bitterness. ;-)
TCFKAG May 24, 2012 at 4:35 pm: Oh, and by the by, if you google it, you can find a 30% coupon code for cafe press right now (basically counter balances shipping).
SF Bay Associate May 24, 2012 at 5:35 pm: Oooh. I need this. Thanks mamabear!

Kanye East May 24, 2012 at 5:14 pm

I think it needs to be in Comic Sans, though? (:

Anonymous May 24, 2012 at 5:45 pm: and sparkly blue?

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mamabear May 24, 2012 at 4:26 pm

PS January (who looks like January Jones in my imagination)
Sorry you didn’t get the job. They didn’t deserve you.

30 May 24, 2012 at 4:27 pm: This. And hugs.

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Kontraktor May 24, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I am currently sipping my own cup of pitty juice out of that Fooey mug. HUGS. I completely understand. It is so demoralizing to keep not getting the job again and again. 100% sympathize.

Cookies May 24, 2012 at 4:36 pm

January,
I interviewed for a job I really wanted, they really liked me, but they economy crashed and they could not make me an offer. I kept up on firm news, and once or twice emailed the attorneys I really clicked with. Fastforward a couple years, I was looking for a job again, I emailed them and said “hey, I’m looking – and this is what I’ve done since you last interviewed me. I would like to meet up for lunch to talk about the market in the area and your field.” Lunch turned into a visit to the office … turned into a meeting with some folks at the office … turned into a half-day interview …. and turned into an offer a couple weeks later. And here I am. I know this is lame, but if they really liked you and you really liked them, stay in contact. You never know who will be in a position to help you at a later day.

BunnyBoo May 24, 2012 at 5:56 pm: I have a similar story. Kept in contact with interviewers who really liked me and they hired me a year later.

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January May 24, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Thanks, ladies of the hive, for all the support and encouragement. Special thanks to mamabear for making my dreams of a FOOEY mug come true.

Here’s hoping that one day soon all of us long-term job hunters will have some good news to share!

told him to STOP nuzzeleing around me

Ellen May 24, 2012 at 11:20 am

This almost hapened to me in law school! This guy, Bill, started dateing my roomate, and then started nuzzeleing around me, b/c alot of the 2nd year guys who did not hook up with anyone when they were first year’s, saw us as the fresh new faces they could “advice” on the law school experieince.

But I was SMART. I knew that my roomate would be VERY mad if I even hinted to Bill that I was dateable by him, and I told him to STOP nuzzeleing around me. Even after he broke up with my roomate, I would NOT date him. There were alot of other guys who I liked better anyways!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

[Rosine, if you will]

MissJackson is in Contro-ol!
This actually isn't a bad theory when fleshed out: "Lourine" is sister Rosa's alias. Rosa/Lourine is thinner than Ellen (and looks like a model) but in all other respects has always felt one-down. She has frequently expressed jealousy and feeling upstaged by Ellen, with particular focus on the latter's credentials. We shall see...

Lourine May 23, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I too am singled out by my sibling because I do not have a job. I keep hearing about it from her and my parents, but I do what I can, but the job market is lousy for people with BA degrees. It is even worse when you are young and beautiful, because the men who are in charge of the interviews always want to see if I am “available” which means that if I am not I will not get past the first round of interviews. I have had my share of negative experiences with these type of nutless men and resent that I need to be the cute “little lady” to move forward in the job hunt.

MissJackson May 23, 2012 at 7:42 pm: Having Ellen as a sister would be kind of rough, eh?

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a nice house and children and then going on vacation!!!!

Ellen May 23, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Take it one day at a time! I say I will be happy with diferent thing’s over different times. First doing well with school, then getting a good job, then with a boyfriend that adore’s me and want’s to marry me and treat me right, and then with a nice house and children and then going on vacation!!!! Yay!

[Refrain]

Agreed on all points here. BTW, if Kat does indeed do a line of Corporette merchandise I volunteer my archiving services to search the best Ellenisms for it.

TCFKAG May 23, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Just keep swimming is practically my mantra right now.

cfm May 23, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Ellen came up with a new one I’ve been using “Just say FOOEY and move on”

January May 23, 2012 at 7:57 pm: Seriously, Kat needs to put that one on a T-shirt or something. Ellen is wiser than we know.
Kontraktor May 23, 2012 at 9:12 pm: I love this idea as a mug.
Baby DC Attorney May 23, 2012 at 9:18 pm: That gave me a much, much needed laugh today. Thank you! Hilarious.
EC MD May 23, 2012 at 9:46 pm: It could be our secret handshake of the corporette mafia

MORTON’s Steakhousse nearby for my BIRTHDAY

Alright, we have a lead on Ellen's birthday. Look's like it's in MARCH. This means she is probably a Pisces but may be an Aries.

Ellen May 23, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I love NORDSTROM’s also! There is one in WEST CHESTER that I went to in March and got a beautiful pair of BROWN lether pumps. My mom drove me there and I went to eat with her at MORTON’s Steakhousse nearby for my BIRTHDAY. Very Yummy steak and baked potatoe !!!!! But alot of calories! UGH! The waiter was very very nice to me, but I think he was stareing at me a little to much. Fooey!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

just say Court of Appeal’s

Gotta appreciate Ellen, Esq. lending a hand in a conversation about proper punctuation. This is perfect.

Ellen May 22, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Why not just say Court of Appeal’s? No one has sugested this one.

would NOT want to get sandebagged by him.

Exercising her own credo, announced in the last post, clearly...

Ellen May 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm

I would NOT work with this PERSON. FOOEY on him for puting you down as a reference!

You do NOT even know him! What hapens when he start’s workeing for the same company? I think I would NOT want to get sandebagged by him.

FOOEY on him. Say you do not know him so can not give him any reference!

FOOEY!

just say FOOEY and move on.

Ellen May 22, 2012 at 10:59 am

Youre letter was a little to long for me, but I still STUCK with it, b/c it sounded like some thing I went thru. I think you are OVER reacteing. She is ONLY a college kid and does NOT have all the etequite that we all DO b/c she is NOT in the workeing world yet.

Also she probabeley did NOT get in, so she moved onto other thing’s. If she want’s to transfer to youre school or even gradueates, she may be back, and you can THEN decide what to do. For now, just say FOOEY and move on.

Monday, May 21, 2012

older and much dorkyer then my dad.

It remains unclear whether the NERDEY guy is coming on board at Ellen's firm and/or interested in dating her. But info about her colleagues is slowly collecting for us. @Kanye: bow in the presence of greatness.

Ellen May 21, 2012 at 9:53 am

I have the same probelem. In my firm, I am the ONLY lawyer under 60! Also the manageing partner make’s me eat lunch with him almost EVERY day, and even if he dident, I would NOT want to sociaelize with the other guy’s who are older and much dorkyer then my dad.

I had a great weekend AWAY from work. I went to the Momapalooza festival on the WEST SIDE pier, and it was very SUNNY. I think I got a good base for a tan, b/c I will be going to the Hamton’s this summer! Yay!

Kanye East May 21, 2012 at 4:21 pm: Ellen, pack lots of sunblock for the Hamton’s. Tanning gives you rinkels!

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Friday, May 18, 2012

I would NOT be abel to MARRY him

Playing catch-up, guys. So sorry.

This first is noteable mainly for its religiosity...

Ellen May 18, 2012 at 3:31 pm

You have my sincere sympathy. I had an ALMOST family member (my ex fiance Alan) who I ALMOST married, but I (mabye thru divine intevention) decided that I would NOT be abel to MARRY him after he got abuseive, even tho he had a good job as an accountent and even tho my parents both wanted me to MARRY him and have a FAMILY.

You are better then that, I was told, and I finaly learned this for myself. You need to take care of yourself and NOT worry about the source of evil (the bottle). If you can get him to leave, that is what I did. If not, you should NOT do anything to inable him.

If you can NOT go to alanon, you should read the 12 step book b/c that focuses on you, not the drunk who is getting you exheausted. I had to throw Alan out once and for all, even tho I had feelings for him –and occasionelly still do, especialy when I see all the other jerk’s out there that just want me for sex. You should know you are worth alot more and not to short – change yourself with any man. Now I do NOT have a man, but I do NOT cry over it. I will find a decent man who will treat me well and will marry me and will buy a nice house for us and we will have a family. That is SO much better then having a drunk (or even a dry drunk) around to baby-sit. FOOEY on that.

You are in my prayer’s. Go with God. Best of everything to you.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Evedentelly, he is still considereing workeing here.

Well, if this lunch leads to a new plot thread, don't say we didn't TOTALLY call it over here. The Nerdy Guy is still considereing something, at least! Notice, also, that the work alternatives have swung back toward the bench...
I knew we might end up with a sort of unacknowledged creative dialogue between ELLEN and ELLENWatch. Not saying this has happened (or, not yet), but it's possibel.

Ellen May 17, 2012 at 11:47 am

That is ALL I need! For the manageing partner to focus in on my boobies. No thanks. Worst goes to WORST YET, the manageing already is busy stareing at me all day, includeing right NOW!!

If you go to their web sight, they also show the back of the dress. My tush is way to big for this fit. FOOEY! Mabye next year.

Today, I have to go meet with the nerdy guy for lunch. Evedentelly, he is still considereing workeing here. I also have to figure out if I will stay or become a NY worker’s comp JUDGE. There would NOT be any OVERTIME workeing a s a Judge there. YAY!

[Frances and Lourine Return]

I'm confused by these essentially normal-commenter cameos by both FRANCES and LOURINE. Same thread, no less. Did nobody flag these for me because we have doubt that they are actually Ellen? Or because they aren't funny? Or am I just still not that big a deal? Beh heh

KM May 16, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Question for the hive. I just purchased a high end bag for work and it has a thin leather hangtag the same color of the bag with a silver quarter size medallion imprinted with the designer’s name (Italian designer, not one that would be readily identifiable) hanging from it. Do I leave it on or take it off? Normally I take off the hangtags because they drive me crazy and I think it’s weird to leave them on, but in this case I’m at a loss because of the overall quality of the bag, the detail that seems to have gone into the hangtag, and my inexperience. Help please!

Frances May 16, 2012 at 5:06 pm: The rule of thumb is always take off the hang tags.

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nona May 16, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Also, she needs to stand up straight…

Lourine May 16, 2012 at 8:17 pm: How:-)

She has a zipper and she shouldn’t expose herself:-)

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Wednesday, May 16, 2012

How dumm is that??????

I, too, had already been wondering about the rom-com potential in the nerdy guy plot line. Great ELLENWatchers think alike! Props especially to MaggieLizer for the acuity of her Ellen timeline (though she left out the weight loss agenda, whose status is unclear at this time).

Ellen May 16, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I TOTALY agree! I saw this same suit last week at LORD and Taylor. I was about to buy it! Now I will get it ON SALE!!!!!! Gosh, it is to bad I did NOT get the manageing partner’s aproval or the 20% of the FULL PRICE! FOOEY!

I am NOT sure the nerdy guy is going to come here. Yay!!! He told the manageing partner he does NOT want to take a pay cut! How dumm is that?????? After all, there is NOT alot of good jobs out there, and I do NOT want to have to look to quickely for a General Council job before July b/c it is OUT of season.

January May 16, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Hey Ellen, have you considered the possibility that the nerdy guy might be looking for a girlfriend? If you got him to MARRY you, you probably wouldn’t even need a job anymore!

Just a thought.

MaggieLizer May 16, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Agreed. NERDY guys make great Boyfriends because they appreciate you and respect women, unlike the manageing partner with his coffee breathe. Besides, Ellen, didn’t you want to get a Boyfriend over the summer, get MARRIED by Christmas and have a BABY by next summer?

Kanye East May 16, 2012 at 5:22 pm: Ellen raising babbies. That’s a chilling thought.
TCFKAG May 16, 2012 at 5:22 pm: They also say NERDY men make the best L*VERS darling, because they have always had to try.

Just something to consider.