Where have I been? Lying in weight for Ellen to reveal herself. My trap isn't working for sh!t, but that's my business. Thanks for those of you eternal springers, especially if you've been posting updates in the comments. It's not that I haven't been reading Ellen, it's just a bit of a girlcott.
I interrupt my protest to bring you the below news because the INVESTEMENT BANKER may be heard from again. Also a bit concerned that food from 2011 is still to be found in Ellen's residence...
You didn't think I would skip this one, did you? Ellen herself may not have wayed in on this past weekend's discussion about discussion, but a number of loyal fans brought her in in spirit. Entirely fitting, say I. Firstly, while many things may have changed on Corporette over the years, Ellen assuredly has not. Secondly, I agree that she is unmatched if you're looking for a bright, cheery tone and consistent life goals (for looseing weight and getting pregnant, if not in her career).
I was a bit surprised to see such support from cbackson, who is an unerringly real person. All the more welcome, though!
Sowing the seeds of discord between Lynn and Mason? This can't be good for the office--but then, neither can their current relationship with all its dirty clothes, takeout, water cooler groping etc.
I agree that the rationale for scarf reimbursement is FINTASTIC. MP's not the most discerning one anyway.
I promi'sed to post about the sit-down with Lynn, and here we go.
I actually don't follow Ellen's reasoning at all (a first, I know!) If ultimately she plans to detach from Lynn's marriage and weight dilemmas, and accepts with serenity about the worst possible findings from this conversation, then why did she bother initiating it at all? "Oh ok--you're just having a lot of sex now and hoping he prefers your moves and cooking over other women's over the long term, even as you're gaining weight by the day? I should probably focus on myself right now anyway." Who is porky and over 30?
Yes, I already pointed out that Ellen might as well have staged this dialogue with herself. I was about to nominate a thin, securely married woman from this narrative as a better person to issue Lynn's warning, but come to think of it we do not have such a person. Lorrie/Laurie, in DC, is divorced, and we all know what Ed's "working late" means for the pregnant Rosa.
Yes, I skipped (at least) one. Lower the bar on your least favorite blog, loveys!
I can't wait to hear about this girl talk with Lynn--assuming the agenda items are: being used for sex, getting fat prematurely (prior to marriage), and obtaining a meal ticket man. Ellen actually isn't in a position to give advice on even a single one of these areas, and I doubt that fact is lost on Lynn either!
Don't you all just have the patience of saint's!!!! After an unannounced multi-week hiatus, ELLENWatch is risen. I can make no excuses. (Though, for all you know, I was just waiting to see when Anonymous would finally break down and post a long backlog for me!) For the record, I did not spend the time in bed with Gonzalo, Alan, or Harold. Any other guesses, though?
Looks to me like the critical updates are: 1) Willem is tired of the runaround and rescinded his offer to marry Ellen after she decided not to go to Belgum to meet his fam; 2) Ellen still needs to loose some waight; 3) Ed is even more reasonably suspect as cheating on Rosa. Extra long hours at work? Mmmmhmmmm.
I'll try to do better, but I know better than to over-promise. Who knows what else I may have in this little life of mine?Thank's again for baring with me, though.
Now that Ellen finally shared her definitive, complete date of birth with us, there's no reason not to repeat her age left and right now! Note also that we're talking about "Prince Willem." One European gent is being conflated with another--though we only have one marriage offer and, I believe, one full head of hair to match!
MP's data backup plan is every bit as savvy and sophisticated as his firm's websight, tax practice's, billing guidelines, I could go on...
Willem made a logical decision, with all this stalleing from Ellen. How else was he ever going to get an answer? "A littel pressure" was precisely his intent, but he's tried everything else, for month's, so no fault.
I actually think Myrna's openness to Harold is the bigger story here, though (see bottom). Sure she says she's kidding, but these jokes demonstrate a fair bit of imagination--as to how she would power through the dread assignment of sleeping with him. What's going on?
EXPERRIME'NT!!! I am leaveing out Ellen post's that I missed! Can you possibly handel it, readers? I know just about everyone who is real and can walk through the world will forgive me, but I have some extremely persnickety phantom readers (all employed at S&S--huge firm that it is). For those of you who do feel this might bring about the world's end, please post either neglected material or editorial's on same in the COMENTS! Yay!!!
As to the text at hand: gross but predictable that a judge is hitting on Ellen. More surprising that she thinks he's a prospect for Myrna--how so? If anything, Myrna has more leverage on the dating scene, and unlike Ellen she has nothing to gain career-wise by cozying up on the bench.
Thank's, Nora. Nora was hitting it pretty hard on ELLENWatch today as well.
Are we actually thinking about meeting Harold at Crumb's this weekend? Baked goods with this guy were never a good idea before! And I thought he'd been disqualified, as they say, six ways from Sunday anyhow. Young, bald, unemployed, heedless, related to her boss...I'd say you were right the first (and third) times, Ellen. There must be other men in New York. Indeed I think you know a few of them, some offering to whisk you away to distant land's!
Here was Ellen's response to the April Fool's post asking what kinds of articels Corporette readers would like to see. (She may not have noticed that DAD was invited to join a roundtable on Living One's Life Correctly--reading comprehension has never been one of Ellen's strengths.) I'd actually love to see such a thread too, however! "Manageing Your Men: From Home to Office."
I never knew that Ellen wanted an SUV to go with her suburban home, family, and job-free second lease on life! I don't believe she has a car at all right now, but this dream, at least, is attainable by merit.
Dad's freind's son has yet to make his official entrance, but again I say...give this guy a name! Remember, Frank is taken by two characters at this point. Try something else. Like BROCK or ROCK.
For anyone who missed it, and while we're talking about tax probelems, here is the background on why Ellen's firm owes so much. No surprise that she's expected to take the fall now, and Dad is of course full of tough talk now that his consulting fees are locked down and he's safe from all other blowback. My outlook on this prospect for a raise is dim at best, too--though it seem's Ellen earnestly wonders whether keeping the clotheing allowance is more important anyway.
So Ellen is in tax trouble personally as well as in her capacity at Manageing & MANAGEING! What's the common denominator? Dad and his incredible domineering paired with terrible advice, that's what. If nobody else has a paper trail impleicateing him, I do! HE IS THE ONE WHO SHOULD GO TO IRS JAIL. In both matters--though MP should certainly join him for most of the time served.
So tentatively I'm going to say that Ellen's actual birthdate is 3-28-81. This is the best information we've ever gotten on it.
Waiting to hear what happened, if anything, with Dad's freind's son.
Ed "has to work" for the whole family celebration weekend, and Rosa doesn't understand the detail's? You've been warned, woman.
As for Prince Harry, pretty sure I'm the one who planted this idea in Ellen's scrunchie-bedecked head. (Come to think of it, I think Ed running around with someone younger was all ELLENWatch too.) You're welcome! But I agree, haveing a runner-up Prince in mind is probably a good idea.
For the first time, we have a projection for Ellen's look aged a bit: Tory Burch. One could obviously do much worse! But again: RICH HUSBAND(S). If her cheekbones and wind-kissed blond are so great, why can't Ellen bag the goods too?
Scroll down for another inexplicable apostrophe (we were already seeing po'st, but here we have a word containing no S at all). Also, who is to blame for Frank's leering? Mrs. Frank, duh. Maybe she should get pregnant like Margie (and Lynn? ehhh?????) Unless she's too old, in which case of course the oogleing will continue.
This estimable business just keeps getting nods here at ELLENWatch! (There are two more). I say this belong's on Yelp, though: I came in complaining about my alcoholic boyfriend and they gave me very practical advice about urination that fell wide of the mark. Get yr wine here!
I guess the helpful, friendly Garnet staff may be some of the most knowledgeable regarding Alan's drinking, at this point: either they still see him, or they don't. I really doubt moving back in with his mom would have cut down on his visit's there, unless he is also unemployed and out of train fare (granted, possibel).
Was this ice cream a la mode? No wonder Ellen is worried about tuchus expansion--she was warned last time by a well-wisher that no, such a dessert would absolutely not be "ok," but now ELLENWatcher Tina is chimeing in saying whatever.
Desappointing, obviously, that no future husband turned up at the museum. You'd think that with Myrna accompanying, they'd at least get a few prospects? Anyway, I don't think we should be so quick to write off the planeatarium. Dark, enclosed spaces allowing one to gaze up wistfully have set the scene for many a marriage proposal!
Francine 
Gauss