he alway’s call’s out your name at nite

I have to plow right past the issue of no similarity between Jamaica and Afghanistan, except perhaps that people live in both countries who do not look like Ellen, because we have a big story going on in the paragraphs below! 

1. If you missed the referent for "Bertha S," here you go. Alan's mother finally got a name.
2. As background on the claim that Alan still pines for Ellen, here is a nearly year-old piece of web evidence that this just might be true. From the horse's mouth. Repenting being an alcoholic but not necessarily done with it. 
3. Alan ended up employed at Target? I'd known he was in danger of loosing his CPA, but didn't think it had really come to that. And yet apparently he couldn't even keep this gig either?
4. Hence the (evident) moving back in with his parents; and
5. Waaaayyy scary codependence going on with his mom issuing proxy marriage proposals and vowing to strayghten him out (Freudian spelling error, by the way). 

Again, I have to say this overall story is so sad that it sometimes feels real. 

Ellen :

12/19/2013 at 3:46 pm

I agree that the SCARF is beautiful, but it had BETTER be for $250!!!! One time I bought mom a scarf from a street VENDOR, which the guy told me was Cashemere, but it crumbled up about a month after MOM started weareing it. Of course, I could NOT find the guy on the street that SOLD it to me (to be HONEST, I can’t realy tell one guy from the next — they seem to all come from somewhere like Jamaca or Afganistan), so I would have a VERY hard time PROOFING that the junk I bought came from one schmoe or the next. FOOEY! The good new’s is I onley paid $10 for it, so it was NOT a big loss. The thing is, like DAD say’s, “YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR!”

Dad is so smart. And I bought mom a new scarf in L&T for $50 she is still weareing! YAY!

Anyway, I wanted to tell the HIVE I saw Bertha S when I was shoppeing for a new coat in Bloomingdale’s. She was also lookeing for a winter coat b/c her husband (a nasty man) would NOT let her wear her MINK outside b/c of PEETA bothering him and her — he has an OLD RACCOON coat from his dad.

So Bertha says Ellen you need to marry Alan, he is pineing all day over you! I said no, I saw him with other women and she said no, he alway’s call’s out your name at nite. I do NOT know how she knows this unless he is liveing back there still. I thought he onley moved back until he got a job, and I had thought he worked at the Target uptown. She said he had a job there but was fired for bieng LATE to often. I kind of wanted to slink away, b/c that mean’s he is probbely home drinkeing again and do NOT want to marry such a looser! DOUBEL FOOEY!

I left it w/her that I might see Alan after the new year’s but now that I would be a PARTNER, I would NOT be able to date him or bring him to firm function’s if he was a drunk. She said she would see if she could strayten him out. (Good luck, I thought!) YAY!!!!

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