[V'CAYTION]

That's right. Between the demands of Dad and my Fitbit, I may not be able to po'st again at all until next year. I wanted to take full responsibility for my negligence in advance, though I know that won't stop the Sunshine Girls from hurling much worse accusation's.  

Take good care without me, ladies and trolls! And as usual while I'm away, I humbly request that as Ellen posts you shall paste the text in as a "comment" below. Feel free, again, to add your own editorial, and if there's any emergency...you stand a much better chance of finding Ellen than finding me!

HAPPY HOLIDAY'S AND NEW YEAR ELLENWATCHER'S!!! 

DON'T GAIN TOO MUCH WAYGHT, AND MAKE SURE THE NECKLINES OF YOU'RE SWEATER'S ARE SECURE EVERY TIME YOU LEAN IN TO REECH FOR A BONBON!!!! 

I WILL BE BACK ASAP!!!!! 

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

an OOOGLEING lawsuit! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is such a great Ellen link. I wonder if shesaw the story because she has a Google alert for "ooogel" or something. Seriously--the word in its correct spelling shows up often enough, but such precision, to find the one story where, in Ellen sisterhood, we've added a few extra Os. 

It doesn't look like Ellen commented on this online articel, but maybe she's written directly to the offending employer to express her anti-ooogleing solidarity. 

You may not hear much out of either me or Ellen over the next week, but I say this is a great note to go out on--even for the year.  

Ellen :

12/20/2013 at 2:31 pm

Yay! Open thread’s! I love open thread’s! (and Friday too!)

As for the OP, Super Hug’s to you. Interviewing is alway’s stresseful, and peeople who are lookeing are alway’s lazy, particulearley around the holiday’s b/c they are busy eating and goeing to parties and all that stuff. Even I have put on 5 pound’s since Thankgsgiveing, and I am sure that ALL of it is in my TUCHUS! FOOEY!

But they will eventually decide and I am hopeing it is YOU b/c you deserve a good 2014!

As for the rest of the hive, I cam across this articel that was VERY interesting about a woman who sued the cop’s for OOOGELEING her driver’s license photo in Minnesota. She sued for alot of money and setteled for $32,000.

http://www.startribune.com/local/west/236425531.html

According to the Paper, “The City Council approved the settlement last week after Paula Kruchowski’s attorney wrote in a notice of claim ­letter — which typically precedes a lawsuit — that she had been “oogled [sic] by scores of men.” As the city attorney’s office liaison to the police domestic assault unit, Kruchowski works in Police Department offices at City Hall.”

If she can stop peeople from OOGELING her, there is hope for the rest of us from beeing OOOGLED! DOUBEL FOOEY!

I think this case is and can be VERY good presedent for us who get OOOGLED by peeople in our own companies! I am printeing out this article to give to BOTH Frank and the Manageing partner, b/c I do NOT like it when Frank is ooogeleing my boobie’s and tuchus. He is MARRIED, and he can OOOGLE her!

So for the HIVE, remember this case and we can make even more money if we bring an OOOGLEING lawsuit! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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get’s started on being serius on life

I'm actually somewhat glad to hear Ellen may not be posting much from her vacay, because I'm going to face some lomitation's of my own. I like the idea of leaving the crew of New York men in the New York dust, though! And all the better stories for when she return's. 

Also excitingly on tap for next year: Ellen's getting a supervisee! Maybe SHE's going to ooogel? He better have hair.

Ellen :

12/20/2013 at 10:27 am

Yay! I LOVE FRUEGEL FRIDAY’s! And I am workeing so hard to get ready to go with Myrna to Myrtle BEACH! YAY!!!!

I will probabley not be abel to p’ost much from there unless they have INTERNET access and a computer. I hate typeing from my I-Phone, so If I don’t post much next week, I will catch all of the HIVE up later about what is hapening with my life when I get back home and get on my MacBook Air!!!!!! YAY!! I am exceited that I am comeing back to the office as a JUNIOR Partner, which the manageing partner tell’s me get’s me my own letter head! Yay!!!!!!! I am goeing to send letter’s to all of my old freind’s showing them that I am a sucess even if I am NOT MARRIED to them and do NOT yet have a child. FOOEY b/c I think I should have both and I will have both, say’s Grandma Leyeh.

Dad says he will NOT let me spend the $50K grandma Leyeh is giving me in January. Instead, he is putting this into the Firm’s 401K plan, which he got the FIRM to agree to match (at only 10% — which is an extra $5000 — Dad is such a negoteiator — mabye he should have been the first US Based Barshevsky, Esq., but that is ME!!!!!

Anyway, I am leaveing all of the guy’s back in NYC in the dust as I explore South Carolina for a potential MATE. I am not expecteing much — Roberta says I should NOT ruel out her son, b/c she is goeing to see to it that he get’s started on being serius on life. Also, in January, we are getting the new KID to be my associate! YAY b/c I can now be a manageing attorney who is a partner, tho NOT THE manageing partner! Margie sent me flower’s at home, but since I am leaving, I told the doorman he could just bring them home to his wife, b/c she is making him ChimmyChanga’s for the holiday.

I hope all goe’s well for the HIVE, and that we all will be charmed in 2014. For now, I guess it’s TOODELES! YAY!!!!!!

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he alway’s call’s out your name at nite

I have to plow right past the issue of no similarity between Jamaica and Afghanistan, except perhaps that people live in both countries who do not look like Ellen, because we have a big story going on in the paragraphs below! 

1. If you missed the referent for "Bertha S," here you go. Alan's mother finally got a name.
2. As background on the claim that Alan still pines for Ellen, here is a nearly year-old piece of web evidence that this just might be true. From the horse's mouth. Repenting being an alcoholic but not necessarily done with it. 
3. Alan ended up employed at Target? I'd known he was in danger of loosing his CPA, but didn't think it had really come to that. And yet apparently he couldn't even keep this gig either?
4. Hence the (evident) moving back in with his parents; and
5. Waaaayyy scary codependence going on with his mom issuing proxy marriage proposals and vowing to strayghten him out (Freudian spelling error, by the way). 

Again, I have to say this overall story is so sad that it sometimes feels real. 

Ellen :

12/19/2013 at 3:46 pm

I agree that the SCARF is beautiful, but it had BETTER be for $250!!!! One time I bought mom a scarf from a street VENDOR, which the guy told me was Cashemere, but it crumbled up about a month after MOM started weareing it. Of course, I could NOT find the guy on the street that SOLD it to me (to be HONEST, I can’t realy tell one guy from the next — they seem to all come from somewhere like Jamaca or Afganistan), so I would have a VERY hard time PROOFING that the junk I bought came from one schmoe or the next. FOOEY! The good new’s is I onley paid $10 for it, so it was NOT a big loss. The thing is, like DAD say’s, “YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR!”

Dad is so smart. And I bought mom a new scarf in L&T for $50 she is still weareing! YAY!

Anyway, I wanted to tell the HIVE I saw Bertha S when I was shoppeing for a new coat in Bloomingdale’s. She was also lookeing for a winter coat b/c her husband (a nasty man) would NOT let her wear her MINK outside b/c of PEETA bothering him and her — he has an OLD RACCOON coat from his dad.

So Bertha says Ellen you need to marry Alan, he is pineing all day over you! I said no, I saw him with other women and she said no, he alway’s call’s out your name at nite. I do NOT know how she knows this unless he is liveing back there still. I thought he onley moved back until he got a job, and I had thought he worked at the Target uptown. She said he had a job there but was fired for bieng LATE to often. I kind of wanted to slink away, b/c that mean’s he is probbely home drinkeing again and do NOT want to marry such a looser! DOUBEL FOOEY!

I left it w/her that I might see Alan after the new year’s but now that I would be a PARTNER, I would NOT be able to date him or bring him to firm function’s if he was a drunk. She said she would see if she could strayten him out. (Good luck, I thought!) YAY!!!!

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NOT likeley that would hapen.

BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Alan's mother's given name is brilliantly revealed to be Bertha. Since we already have a Myrna, now we just need a Hildegard (or better). I really didn't think Ellen's names could get much more imaginative (see "alternate names" under Known Information) but this, this was worth waiteing for. 

As to plot points: we do need the full story on this run-in at Bloomie's, but our hunch that Alan's mom still wanted Ellen as a DIL was correct. I see this only going good places.

Ellen :

12/19/2013 at 1:48 pm

Ebro, this is EXACTELY what I do. I have learned (from my dad) to be VERY Solicitus of the Manageing partner. He love’s it when I do a good job and give him alot of attention, and he give’s me GIFT’s like the Lord and Taylor card in addtion to the firm annual BONUSSES!

They are NOT discloseing our 2013 bonusses yet, but since I will be a PARTNER as of 1/1/14, I do NOT vote on my 2013 bonus. The manageing partner said it will be alot bigger than 2012 b/c I think I will be abel to bill about 6000 hour’s and he takes an additional 1500 of my hours as OVERVIEW billeing.

Once I am a partner, I think I get to do overview billeing b/c there will be a new associate that I will be manageing that the manageing partner told me is comeing in b/c he knows his dad. This guy is just a kid (about 25) and has NO legal experencce, so the manageing partner says I MUST take him UNDER MY WING. YAY! I just do NOT want him lookeing where he should NOT, and I have to keep him away from Frank if that is even possibel.

Anyway, I will tell the hive later about Bertha Sheketovits, who I bumped into in Bloomie’s. She still want’s Alan to marry me!!!!! I told her I said it was NOT likeley that would hapen.

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sacraficeing by haveing to marry some SCHLUB

From a humanitarian perspective, this is a huge relief: Grandma Leyeh's promise to give Ellen $50k if she was married and pregnant by October 2014 has lost its condition and turned into a regular gift. Indeed, we no longer need to worry about marrying a pet food peddler or sleeping with cooties. From a narrative angle, however, this is a big letdown. Where's the tension/suspense now? Ellen is still a desperate spinster hiding behind her professional successes in an attempt to compensate for failing at womanhood--but all that was already true! There's no time frame on anything anymore. Emptiness today, emptiness tomorrow, emptiness forever.

I'm actually a bit skeptical about Leyeh's line of thinking here. Why the sudden concern for Ellen's happiness and wellbeing? I suspect what actually changed was her sense of the realistic. It's also possibel that, upon realizing just how low Ellen would have to lower her standards for marriage, Leyeh decided it would be less of a disgrace to see her die single than to bring, say, Fred into the family.  

Ellen :

12/19/2013 at 11:08 am

Yay! I hope you alway’s have the same sucess. I was VERY nervous when I did my first presentation in front of the firms’ MANAGEMENT COMMITTEE. The Manageing partner wanted me to be good, but I was NOT a big speaker. So with alot of coaching, I did fairley well. They decided I would be OK as their WC Litiegator and now I am a PARTNER as of 1/1/14. Grandma Leyeh is so happy she said to just forget about the $50K for the marrage and child, and said now she is giveing me this even if I never get married or bear a child. Wow, b/c the onley guys that I would consider as a husband just want to have sex with me, and the one’s that would marry me I do NOT want to have sex with. Isn’t that what a HOPSKIN’s Choice is all about? The storey of my life!!! FOOEY!

But it seem’s to be workeing out. I will get the $50K next year, irregardless of wether I am MARRIED and haveing a baby on time, tho Grandma Leyeh says she still want’s this for me but she does NOT want to have to have me sacraficeing by haveing to marry some SCHLUB and then makeing him have sex enough time’s with me to get me PREGGER’s!!!

The thought of marrying some sweaty smelly SCHLUB just to have him impregeanate me is GROSS! BUT Now I don’t have to. YAY!!!!!

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bring your dumb freind’s but leave me OUT OF IT!

Alan is acquiring a bit more dimension as a character here--we've never seen him doing anything other than drink or perform other basic bodily functions, except a few occasions of exercising his CPA. I actually wasn't sure he had friends or did anything for fun. This anecdote is a bit heartening, if only because when/if he is sober it sounds like there's at least one clean activity he enjoys.

Ellen :

12/17/2013 at 4:57 pm

I once got Alan a day playeing paintball in the wood’s with some other freind’s of his. But I said NO WAY when he wanted me to do this with him. You can’t imagine what a bunch of jerk’s he had as freind’s growing up and they went from playing dungeon’s and dragoon’s to xbox to that paintball stuff. They all go upstate and shoot each other with paintball’s. FOOEY! Then he came home smelleing funny–he said it was the PAINT, but I think he wound up falling into some kind of SMELLEY pond (mabye a cespool), and it would NOT get out of his hair. DOUBEL FOOEY!

Needeless to say, I did NOT do this dumb thing with him— he was begging for it for along time, so I told him GO, have fun, bring your dumb freind’s but leave me OUT OF IT! HOPEFULLY THE HIVE WILL HAVE SMARTER BOYFREIND’s THEN I DID! YAY!!!!

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it make’s me alot more ZENLIKE

The thought of a Zen Ellen...something to meditate on. And it's such a big deal that David didn't grope, peep or pressure that it's mentioned in multiple post's, multiple paragraph's. 

Ellen :

12/17/2013 at 9:35 am

I think if she like’s COFFEE, you can get her a Starbuck’s card, but make sure she can handel it. Alot of my freind’s perfer DUNKING DONUGHT’s b/c the coffee is NOT like syrup. FOOEY! B/c I do NOT drink alot of coffee. I am a Chai Tea person — it make’s me alot more ZENLIKE, the manageing partner says, b/c Margie got me started on Chai Tea. YAY Margie. Our day at the manageing partner has been postponed b/c of bad weather, but the manageing partner took the day off anyway, so we are at work haveing fun! YAY! Frank did NOT come in so the bathroom is free (and not stinky either), tho Madeline has already set up camp there. FOOEY!

The teck guy stopped by to See Lynn. He is hanging around here alot and I think Lynn met him for coffee (mabye Starbuck’s). He is here now with her, but he is stareing at me also. He can NOT have both of us, and I have NO intention of dateing him anyway. I got a box of doggie treats in the mail from Fred who wrote I should give them to Myrna. I hope he does NOT think he can now date her just b/c Xilo got free doggie treat’s. I told Myrna and she was HISTERICAL over that.

David called me @ home — I told him I do NOT perfer texteing to calleing, and he is bieng VERY nice. Dad must have told his dad how pissed off I was about him, so now he is makeing it up by bieng VERY nice. It was so refresheing that when we went back to my apartement so that I could get out of my soakeing wet spandex leggeings, he did NOT come into my room to check on me b/c he knew I would be takeing all of my wet clotheing off. Most guy’s would ask if they could help. FOOEY on that. I told dad he did NOT do that and he said that was GOOD. Grandma Leyeh want’s to know when she will have a grandchild from me. I said not to soon. FOOEY b/c the $50K is not goieing to happen unless there is some kind of imaculate conception hapening! DOUBEL FOOEY!

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like JOAN OF ARK! YAY!!!!

Well, I was right, if I may say so myself, that the coat Ellen recently donated had been gifted by her parent's less than a year ago! I thought she was more economical than this, but then again apparently Dad did too. Maybe the truth is she's about to bust through its seams and just doesn't want to admit it? Out with the old, and shoppeing for new, to gloss over the fact that she needs to go up a size or several?  

As for David, this is a guy who waited more than a year for a second chance. Good to hear, I suppose, that he at least honored personal space/the law and is accordingly getting another date. 

Ellen :

12/16/2013 at 12:06 pm

Yes, you make a very good point! I need LEATHER for some thing’s, and swade for other thing’s. I got a new pair of UGGS (which are swade). I am shoppeing for a new coat–the guy’s at the Homeless Care’s place were VERY happy that I gave them my old coat, but thougt I should hold ON to it b/c it was cold out. I said I was giveing back to society this way and they said I was like JOAN OF ARK! YAY!!!! When I told my dad that, he stopped bieng so mad at me for giveing it away!

I went Ice Skateing with David this weekend and the ice was wet and I slipped and got my spandex tight’s all soaked right in my tuchus! I was walkeing around squishing b/c of a wet tuchus. We went back to my place to change and then went out for a while. He is not that bad, tho he is NOT IPOeing any time soon. FOOEY!

Dad says I should MARRY him, but I am NOT sure yet. I will go out with him again b/c he was NOT grabbey. YAY!

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to cow-tow to men who are NOT superior

Ellen :

12/16/2013 at 2:19 pm

Men are SUCH A PAIN! Particulearley for high powered women like us who are very sucessful in our job’s either as attorney’s or as MBA’s. THEY WANT TO BE KING OF THE ROAST, but can not face it when we are doieng better then them. My philosophy is to be yourself, and not to cow-tow to men who are NOT superior in the wage department. After all, why should we be so carful to STROKE their ego’s when all they do is grab our boobies or tuchus and think they are better then we are. I say we have to find men who are sucesful and professional and do NOT treat us like china doll’s. After all, we are big girls and should be abel to take it as well as dish it out.

Last week there was some guy who was unsure if he would have a LD relationship with one of our hive member’s who was goieng to be goiengto a big MBA school. I did NOT even know what he did, but she was SO worried about him. I told her to tell him to get lost if he did NOT want to suport her goeing for an MBA. For all we knew, he was some schlub that worked in his dad’s feed store! FOOEY on that!

Yes we women MUST stick together, wether in the HIVE or out in the workplace. We are all VERY smart, and should NEVER forget it. YAY!!!!!!

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sharing some pino noir

Once again I am wishing I could invite myself along to one of Ellen and Myrna's ladies' nights. I'd gladly have stopped at CRUMB'S on my way over! 

Ellen :

12/14/2013 at 9:25 pm

Yay! I love Brooks brothers! And Wildkitten yes that schlepper is way to big. You should get a LIT BAG if you need to have a big bag. I am staying in b/c of the weather and am watcheing STAR TREK! Why is it that I always wind up dateing these Klingeons? I want a captan kirk! FOOEY! Myrna came over and we are sharing some pino noir. It actualy is ok but I must not have to much b/c it winds up on my tuchus! FOOEY! Myrna may stay over b/c of the snow! Yay!!!

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never did to many bad thing’s at once

So Ellen's being courted over the phone and has yet another plan for her financeaiel security life-long. I actually far perfer the Mega Millions proposition to Grandma Leyeh's, and indeed if she win's (how could she not?) she can promptly tell the old lady, her asswipe son, and all the gross grabbers where to stick it! I love the idea of spinster-partner Ellen never even needing MP for a clothing bonus again. 

Further down, advising someone on what to tolerate from a man. Pretty much what you'd think. 

Ellen :

12/13/2013 at 7:53 pm

The higlight’s of my week was finisheing a big presentation for the manageing partner. I was so busy all day that I am joining in VERY LATE, haveing JUST come home @ 7:30 PM on a Friday! FOOEY!!!

The manageing partner is giveing a presentation on the impact of RES JUDICADA in premises liability case’s and my job was to get applicabel precedent under BOTH NY and NJ laws, even tho I am NOT admited in NJ. So I looked a little on GOOGLE and then asked a freind who knew someone from Newark to call me. He did NOT know much about RES JUDICADA, but he seemed pretty nice for someone from Newark. He said I should send him a picture of me so that he could match a name to a face, but I told him I would NOT be goeing to Newark any time soon, so he then said he get’s into the City about 1x a month so I probably could meet him b/c he is planning on comeing in before New YEAR’S to see the tree. I figured out he was talkeing about Rockfeller Center and told him I already saw that tree when I went to Zara and he said that I probabley would NOT want to meet him. I felt bad b/c he was a little NERDY, so told him I am NOT stuck up and would see him if he came into town but I am goieng to Myrtle Beach so would NOT be around.

Now this guy (Will) want’s to meet me, but he asked about my body. FOOEY! I have enough to deal with the guys around here, but not a NERDY guy from Newark who does NOT know anything about RES JUDICADA wants to know about my body? FOOEY! I am glad I do NOT work in NJ b/c I would have to take another BAR exam. The manageing partner was considereing opening a WC practise in NJ, but I told him I would NOT take that bar just to do WC law in NJ, b/c I have to much work in NY to expand my practise.

I bought a Mega Millions ticket on my way home so that if I win, I can stop workeing full time. I told Myrna I would still consider being a JUDGE (part time) or a Part time Partner here. I have to start listening to the manageing partner b/c he is going to present me to all of the partners formaly as a JUNIOR partner in January! YAY! Me, Ellen Barshevsky, a PARTNER! Grandma Leyeh is so happy! DOUBEL YAY!!!!!!!!

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Ellen :

12/13/2013 at 7:58 pm

If you have had sex with him, and he care’s about you for more then sex, I agree he should be willing to work with you, includeing moveing if that mean’s you are getting into a good school. You have NOT told us what he is doieng, and if he just has a schlubby job, he had BETTER be willing to follow you or I would tell him the relationeaship is EGGZOVER. That should bring this schmoe to the table. Alan was lazy, but he knew that I had alot of potential so he never did to many bad thing’s at once. If your guy doesn’t start respecteing you, just say FOOEY and move on after telleing him to hit the road. FOOEY!

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and now I have 3 left hand glove’s and NO right hand glove’s

She's giving away her "old" coat? If this is the same nice warm one that she got for her last birthday, it's less than a year old! Fooey! I'd beg for it as a hand-me-down but am sure I could never squeeze all my girth into Ellen's beautiful castoffs. 

Meanwhile, I didn't know that any conversation actually took place about Sam's inadvertent flashing. Ellen confronted him about it, evidentelly, and he's sorry. Moreover, she passed on the apology to her father, who says she should accept it. I do recall that Sam is one of the better looking suitors on the scene, and pickin's are slim right now anyway, so I do suspect he's going to get (at least) one more chance. 

Ellen :

12/13/2013 at 1:45 pm

I agree! Even if it is fruegel friday’s you alway’s want to be thankful. Also, thank him even if you will NOT eat the chocolate’s b/c it makes your tuchus grow, alway’s thank the boss.

I learned to be VERY thankful to the manageing partner and he ALWAYS give’s me thing’s like the $500 gift card for shoppeing! YAY! I still have NOT spent it, but am lookeing for another winter coat. I am giveing my old puffy coat to NY Homeless Care’s b/c it is cold outside and they need it more then me.

Myrna is goieng to point out the type of coat I can wear that has alot of pocket’s in it that I can carry thing’s so I do NOT have to hold them. FOOEY b/c I lost 1 glove and now I have 3 left hand glove’s and NO right hand glove’s. I wish I would loose a left hand glove once in a while so I would still make a pair!

Sam is followeing up with me about the fruit, and I said it tasted good, but I let the office eat it. He is still VERY remorseful about wearing those short short’s where his winkie peeked out at me, and he sware’s that he will NEVER show me any part of him I do NOT ask him to see. Dad say’s that is more then fair but I think dad want’s me to consider him b/c he has a big job and talkes with a British accent.

Grandma Leyeh asked me about the movie, and I said it was on TV and again she was singeing, but she said she got that song from the Woodey Alan Movie –everyone say’s I love you. She might be right. Does any one in the HIVE know for sure?

I wish the hive a good weekend. It will be cold and snowey here in NYC. DOUBEL FOOEY!

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the swade I have

So Ellen is takeing the advice of Baconpancakes and, against her own judgment/The Rules, has decided to take the initiative with whom we now know is Luke. Not holding my breath, needless to say, and remember this one is in Myrtle Beach. That's worse than Philly! (Whatever happened with Roberta's son Keith anyway?) 

Ellen :

12/12/2013 at 10:59 am

Mom just got me a pair of UGG boots!

My dress boots had poopie on them so I donated them to the Salvation Army! They said they could clean them.

I need to look for LEATHER b/c the swade I have will NOT make it thru our salty streets in NYC.

I am calling Myrna’s freinds freind, Luke. I have a hard time thinkeing that I could MARRY a guy named LUKE. Mom says it is not a common name. FOOEY!

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the banana’s and the peache’s

My favorite part of this post is the cautionary words about the heedless and hot Lynn. Remember how Fred misfired by hitting on her last week when he was supposed to be at the office to pick up Ellen? Anyway, our girl is about a decade older and she's concerned about the secretary's singledom. Personally, I'm not worried about Lynn. Not only is she young, but uneducated is a nice, secure, attractive place to be for a gold digger. Focus back on the issue, Ellen: you're not getting any younger OR less profesionel! The Husband 911 call is on nobody but U!

Lower down, a movie recommendation seconded by many. Agreeing with Ellen on some things is less concerning than on others.

Ellen :

12/11/2013 at 5:11 pm

Hug’s to you. You rest up so that the babie’s will be healthy and HAPPY! YAY!!

I am lookeing forward to the day when I will be haveing two babie’s, mabye one at a time tho, b/c I am NOT sure that my body can handel 2 at a time, tho I do have a littel of a POT BELLY, but I think that is b/c I eat to much.

I got a fruit basket from Sam — he want’s to date me still even tho he showed me his winkie, and that was not some thing I wanted to see. There was a lot of fruit in the basket that reminded me of that day and his winkie, and I laughed and told Lynn and Frank they could have the banana’s and the peache’s. So funny! I am leaveing the basket at work so that we can eat some thing OTHER then Crumb’s. My tuchus is so large that I am sureley going to have to start wearing YOGA PANT’S to work, even tho the manageing partner has forbidden us from wearing pant’s.

The janitor stopped by and he wants to go out with Lynn. I am not sure if Lynn want’s that b/c she is used to dealing with lawyer’s and investigator’s but I said why not? He seem’s like a nice guy and he was the one who fixed the toilet that Frank stuffed up so he IS very HANDY!

Lynn said she would think about it, but I am goieng to encourage her b/c she is not getting any younger (at 25 — with onley a high school diploma), and she needs to start haveing babie’s soon, like me. YAY!!!!!

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Ellen :

12/11/2013 at 5:17 pm

I absolutely LOVE the movie “LOVE ACTUALLY” It is the BEST Movie and so Romantic. The guy’s are MEN and the women are pretty and everything is so HAPPY.

And the song’s are so great. My dad even get’s teery eyed with the singing and he is very UNEMOTIONAL. Mom like’s it too. Grandma Leyeh even sing’s the song….Everyone Says I love you….the dog in the kitchen and the kitty too…. the preacher too says I love you. YAY!!!!

Anyone in the HIVE that has NOT seen “LOVE ACTUALLY” should run right out and get the DVD! It is my alltime favorite. YAY!!!!

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• AnonInfinity :

  12/11/2013 at 5:46 pm
  Umm… I agree with Ellen.

  Now I feel so.weird.
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  • Sydney Bristow :

    12/11/2013 at 5:54 pm
    Me too!

    I also love Christmas Vacation and The Holiday.
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  • Senior Attorney :

    12/11/2013 at 6:48 pm
    I SUPER agree with Ellen!! YAY!!

    ;)
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Walnut French Toast with REAL mapel syrupp

Sounds like the upcoming surprize party is going to be about 90% eating. Wonder if Ellen is going to wear her fitbit for the walk from breakfast to limo to lunch? Not much else to add other than I'm surprized she even took Fred's call. Ed must not have had the sitdown with him yet (and yes, I know I'm probably just wishfully dreaming that it's going to happen at all). 

Ellen :

12/11/2013 at 11:50 am

Me too. I love SHEATH DRESSES, especialy those that have littel sleeve’s b/c with sleeve’s, Frank can NOT even try to sneak a peek.

We have a suprize Holiday Party planned for next Tuesday that I forgot to tell the HIVE about. Margie organized it all herself, and all we have to bring is “ourself” she says. The whole firm, including the suport staff get’s the day off and we are all meeting at 9:00 am Saturday @ the manageing partner’s house (fortunateley NOT the one in the Hamton’s) for a holiday breakfast, and after we socialize until noon, Margie has hired 4 limo’s to take all of us to some fancy place for lunch in Manhaset (which is on the North Shore). That is the surprize b/c the manageing partner onley knew about the breakfast. Yay!

The manageing partner is in charge of manageing the catererer’s who are cookeing breakfast for everyone and he already has thenm prepareing thing’s. We all put in order’s for what we like best — I asked for Walnut French Toast with REAL mapel syrupp. I told the manageing partner that I was watching my wastline, and that if I have to have syrupp, I do NOT want cheep, fake syrup like they give out at IHOP. I want the REAL stuff b/c it is better. Margie agreed and it will cost alot, but I said that I bill alot, so everyone agreed.

The lunch place in Manhaset is suposedly very swanky. I do NOT want to eat alot, so I may have a cob salad, or else pasta primevera. My tuchus is already busteing out of my dresses and it is still 2 week’s until Christmas. FOOEY! Then there is new year’s and I think that by then I will be a size 6. Doubel FOOEY!

Fred called again, but I told him please do NOT call me any more. There must be women in Purdey’s that would marry a feed store manager, but I am NOT one of them. I told him I want to be married soon so I want to be fresh and ready in case my prince show’s up and that will NOT hapen if I am hangeing around him or any feed store manager. He said OK, but was disapointed. Who asked him to start grabbeing my boobies? Not me. I did not make any oveture’s toward grabing at his body, so FOOEY on men that get grabbey at us. YAY!!!!

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you mabye get good

David? Really? Like Hurricane Sandy David? I thought Ellen was dead set on ignoring all of his contacts for all time. She must really be getting desperate. Hot chocolate probably wouldn't have done it for someone who isn't being baited with $50k to get married and have kids immediately...

Ellen :

12/10/2013 at 4:32 pm

I think I will get one of these for Dad. Even tho it is expensive, I have learned OVER the year’s that if you buy something cheep, it will fall a part on you. I bought my dad a pair of slack’s on sale (famous name) but within one season (he said onley about 5 washing’s) it already started to get threadbare and is now a total SCHMATTA that mom onley let’s him use when he is cleaning the basement or the CAR. Now I could see mabye if it went at the knee’s or in the seat –my dad’s tuchus is also not microscopic, but it started to wear right where he put’s his hand’s in his pocket’s. And guess what, he is NOT a Knish Vendor makeing change in his pocket’s all day, either!

So I learned dad’s lesson. You buy cheep, you get cheep. You buy good, you mabye get good. Dad is smart. That is why he has a doctoreate degree. YAY dad!!!!!

David called out of the blue and want’s me to go ice skateing with him at Bryant Park. I told him mabye it’s better to go to the Wolman rink, b/c there was a shooteing at Bryant Park. He said OK, so I will go this weekend with him. He promised to buy me some hot chocalate there. YUMMY!!!!!!!

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moo moo’s make it easy for her to get in and out of the toilet

Since Manageing & MANAGEING LLP is relying on its backup toilet until the move (right?) the moo moo's could be even more important. But if Madeline is still using the stumpy remain's of the firm's regular throne I'm concerned that "in and out of the toilet" might be literal. Watch your hems! 

Ellen :

12/10/2013 at 3:01 pm

I agree. It is a good thing that the manageing partner does NOT allow any of us to wear pant’s in the office. Personally, I find the new style’s way to tight in the tuchus, and if I bought a bigger size or had my pant’s ALTERED, then my pant’s would look like Barbra Eden’s in I DREAM OF JEANNIE, but she had a tuchus that could PULL THOSE OFF. I do NOT. FOOEY!

So I thank the manageing partner for insisting on wearing dresses. Madeline especially should never be seen in slack’s because she has a supersized tuchus, and she wears alot of moo moo’s. That work’s for her b/c she does NOT have to go into court. Also, the moo moo’s make it easy for her to get in and out of the toilet without to much dificulty. YAY for her, but FOOEY for the rest of us that have to go in there soon after she use’s it. The manageing partner has promised us that our new place has very well VENTILATED toilets and that will help alot, especialy b/c they are out in the hall rather then right by my office. YAY!

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all I need is a non-drunk man to marry me.

Thank's for weighing in, Baconpancakes. We'll see if Ellen took your wise counsel to heart. 

Ellen :

12/10/2013 at 10:17 am

FOOEY! I disagree. I think that b/c Children will alway’s be there, even if the marrage dissolve’s, So you MUST put children first b/c you bring them into the world, you must take care of them.

If I ever had had a child with Alan (which was lucky that I did NOT), I would haveto care for the child, but NOT Alan. He became an alchoholic I no longer needed in my life. So it helps to be abel to get rid of husband’s who are losers, but you will alway’s have children. Fortunately, I do NOT have to worry about it. I need a NEW GUY to marry me and to have a baby with me so that I can have both. I also have a good job that I enjoy doing, so all is well for now. Since I already have a coop apartement to live in, all I need is a non-drunk man to marry me. If only I can find a guy to marry I will have everything I need. YAY!

Myrna gave me the number of her freind’s freind in Myrtle Beach and want’s me to call him. FOOEY! Men should call women, right?

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Baconpancakes :

12/10/2013 at 11:06 am

Ellen, you’re a strong and independent woman! You don’t have to wait for him to call you! If you call and have a great conversation, you can tell him to call you, and then if he doesn’t FOOEY on him, but if he does you’ll know he’s interested and willing to put in the effort. Just don’t call him a second time until he calls you, fair’s fair.

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car’s are a BAD thing for some of us

Zora is warned of the risks to one's romantic and professional life when a woman drives a car. Thanks, Ellen, as alway's. And Willem is going to get yet another chance to interrupt Ellen's voracious billing because...he steps onto the premises and MP's going to bill him in turn. 

Which brings me to our final highlight today: the 150% uplift that Ellen can't know about until she's fully partnerized? Wha...? I mean, we've all had plenty of educated guesses to this effect for a while now, but seeing it in writing is different. This means there's going to be some kind of formal induction to MP's illegal/unethical approach (if it's even more extreme than Ellen's manner of billing now) and also, probably, that Dad is in on it. Recall his consulting role in a sort of external audit of Manageing & MANAGEING earlier this year. 

Ellen :

12/09/2013 at 3:30 pm

Hug’s to you, Zora. It can hapen to any one of us. Mom backed up in Rosevelt Field and hit her car, and dad realy lit into her for being sloppey. I do NOT drive any more since I moved into the City, but I do Drive when I am on LI, but do NOT like driveing b/c of all of the luneatic’s out there. FOOEY!

I remember in college there was a girl who was very popular, but it was onley b/c she had a car. Lot’s of guy’s dated her just to get to drive her MUSTEANG Convertible. She wound up flunkeing out of school b/c she had so many guy’s dateing her for her car. So car’s are a BAD thing for some of us, particulearly her. DOUBEL FOOEY!

Willem called again and he insist’s on comeing over. The manageing partner said I should let him come over and he will talk to him also so that he can bill his company for talkeing to him. I have almost 280 hour’s billed this month with over a week and 1/2 to go so I should get about 450. The manageing partner said that I should be shooteing for 6500 hour’s next year, and as a partner, I should be easily abel to do that with the 150% uplift he will teach me about. YAY!!!!!

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not totaly wortheless

So we have 3 pound's to loose and none to gain heading into the holiday's. Also, Rosa knows all about Fred's groping, but I'd like to see it passed on to her husband, his buddy, Ed. No, I am not sure he will care, but the more attention on this the better. 

Ellen :

12/09/2013 at 10:40 am

Yay! Pricey Monday! I can almost afford this dresses’s like this! I like the neckline b/c there is NOTHING for Frank to stare at also! YAY!

As for the OP, yes, I walk in to work and I bring a tupperweare container with celery and carot’s so that I have something to snack on (other then the cookie’s the manageing partner has Lynn bring in every day). I still am 3 pound’s over where I should be b/c of all of the Thank’sgiving meal I ate. Mom is also trying to loose weight by walkeing with Dad with a new FITBIT! YAY!

I told Rosa all about Fred and she did NOT like that Fred stuck his hand inside of my sweater. She said he “should NOT be lookeing for his key’s there!”. I agreed, b/c he is NEVER getting the key to my heart, either. FOOEY on FRED! Rosa said he has ALOT of nerve for thinkeing that my boobies could be rented out for the price of a cheap meal. He would NOT even let me eat a second appetizer and I did NOT even have an entreee either! FOOEY on FRED. Myrna’s dog did like the biscut’s tho. So Fred was not totaly wortheless. But I could have gotten Xilo some biscut’s without haveing to have a guy squeeze my boobie’s. FOOEY!

Myrna told me about a guy she met who wanted to marry her last year, but he wanted her to keep workeing b/c she made alot of money and he wanted to be a “housefrau”. I do NOT even know what that mean’s but she said NO. She would NOT suport a guy who just would lay around waiting to give her sex at night. That is what Alan was turneing into, I said and she agreed! We will hereinafter pass on any man that just want’s us to work while they play. Myrna showed me an articel about this in the NY Times that the HIVE should read. We will NOT ever become this. FOOEY!

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/30/business/economy/women-as-family-breadwinner-on-the-rise-study-says.html

If I am doieng all the work, should I be also have to come home and start doieng all the housework? NO WAY HOZE! We want men to work and to suport US, not the other way around. FOOEY!

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If anyone in the HIVE has Idea’s,

1) A week in Myrtle Beach? What kind of internet access will be available?
2) If you're curious about "eggzover," here are past usages. I can't find any etymology other than "Ellen's mom," but please share if you know it. 
3) The highlighted quote in our penultimate paragraph really does not sound like Myrna to me. I liked her better when she was Ellen's fast-and-loose foil--and I don't mean specifically regarding men, I mean with the triathlons and the stock market geekery and so on. We already have so many imaginary characters talking about bouncing weenies. Can't Myrna retain at least a bit of autonomy? 

Ellen :

12/06/2013 at 2:56 pm

Yay! Open Thread’s! I love Open Thread’s!

Congratulation’s to you on starteing a new job! It is very exciteing for this to happen! Mabye your new boss will be great like mine. The manageing partner just gave me a $500 gift card to Lord & Taylor’s and told me not to spend it all at once! He said it was a special reward for billing over 500 hours in the month of November!

DOUBEL YAY! I am on track for about 450 this month, and that is less onley b/c I am takeing the last week off entirely to go with Myrna to Myrtle Beach SOUTH Carolina. She knows a guy who has a house down there and he knows some guy’s who might want to date me.

Fred called to apoligize for last nite, but I told him NO SOAP, we are EGGZOVER! NO way will a guy be permited to grab my boobies after takeing me to a baskete ball game. I am a woman and have moral’s. I will NOT stand for him, also b/c he was flirteing and stareing at alot of women. He said he was NOT used to seeing so many pretty women before, b/c he does NOT see any up in PURDEY’s at his feed store. FOOEY on that. Rosa knows alot of pretty women up in Chapaqua, so how much different can PURDEY’s be? I am sure he is just a guy lookeing to sleep with as many women as he can, and if he can NOT, he just want’s to grab our boobies. DOUBEL FOOEY ON HIM AND OTHER’s LIKE HIM. We are more than a squeezing bag for men. TRIPEL FOOEY!

Dad want’s me to think about mabye lookeing for places that he and mom can buy for a vacation home down there. If he moves to North Carolina, he want’s a place where Rosa and I can meet him (with Ed and the Kids, and if I ever get MARRIED, MY HUSBAND and MY BABIE’s also–YAY!). I told him I would look and tell him if I found anything he might buy for us to vacation in.

Myrna and I have alot to talk about. She is disgusted at men like Fred and Olak who just think of us, as she says “glorified air mattresses that they can bounce their weenies on”. FOOEY ON MEN LIKE THEM! FOOEY! We have to put together a plan of attack where we can choose the men we want and NOT have to have them think that we are just sex toy’s. We are so much smarter then that!

If anyone in the HIVE has Idea’s, I will come back and get them for Myrna and me to REVIEW YAY!!!!!!!

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and he made ME carry the 5 pound bag of dog biskit’s

Fred may just take the cake for Ellen's worst date ever--and that's saying ALOT. Usually the violative groping or the checkeing out other women or the denial of appetizer would be all that's needed to FOOEY, but last night we checked all the boxes. I wonder how specific her postmortem with Rosa is going to get. 

Meanwhile it sounds like Myrna is done with Olak (or whomever), which likely means Vikram is not to be heard from again either. Again, no great loss. At this point, with Willem more eccentric by the day and Sam apparently having given up, Keith (son of Roberta) is the only fellow to watch.  

Ellen :

12/06/2013 at 10:07 am

Hug’s to you, I am the same today, but it will get better! YAY!

I love Fruegel Friday’s and this look’s like a pretty good start for me after a DISASTER yesterday with Fred. He came here early to pick me up, and was flirteing with Lynn. I ignored that, but we then got a car to take us over to the Barcleay’s Center, and he was stareing at a girl on the corner of Park and 29th Street, and he made ME carry the 5 pound bag of dog biskit’s that were for Myrna’s Shnauzzer. Then, when we stopped at Myrna’s office to give her the dog biskit’s, he was stareing at her, and she told me later he was creepey; then we went to dinner and he did NOT want me to order anything other then the salad, even tho I told him I was fasteing all day so that I could have another appetizer; then we watched the game (the Net’s lost –FOOEY), and then he got us a car to take us back to Manhattan, and when we were in the car, he put his smelley hand under my blouse without permission. When I told him I would NOT let him do that, he said that we could do that back in my apartement. So I said NO, you are goeing home, not up to my apartement. I did NOT let him get out of the car, and had the driver take him directely back to Grand Central where he was suposed to get on the train (about 1230 am).

I can not believe a feed store guy could think that buyeing me dinner and a ticket to see guy’s jumping up and down with a basketeball gives him a license to squeeze my boobies! FOOEY! I will NOT go out with him again and will tell Rosa to tell Ed not to have guy’s like Fred come into my life. He can get some other woman for that, but not me. DOUBEL FOOEY on HIM!

Myrna is comeing over tonite so that we can go over this mess. YAY! She had the same issue with Olak, or whatever his name that guy from Brazil is. TRIPEL FOOEY on men that just want us for sex. We are alot more than sexueal object’s.

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