"the non-conformist, high energy professional"

Once again, Pest opposes Ellen and suggests that I pack it in. This is, however, I believe the first time that I've been called out sans provocation--I hadn't said anything on this thread, nor been mentioned by others. At any rate, I maintain that I could only retire in good conscience if I knew somebody else out there, who could ELLENWatch better than I, was ready to take the reins. 

As to Marina, who probably works at S&S Associates too, I'll go in order of the highlights:

1. The Rx for somebody who doesn't like Ellen is to make sure to read every single one of her posts and acquire the taste.
2. My own blog is "magical," and even manages to be "on point" more than half the time! YAY!!!
3. Ellen has been posting on Corporette since at least 2010, so I don't know where "the last year or so" came from. See Item 1, perhaps, or even my own third sentence above? (Then you can re-read this entire text, religiously, until you start thinking you might actually like it.) 

Pest :

11/29/2013 at 5:52 pm

Can anyone answer WHY is there an Ellen here? Why does the person or people who do this bother? Why is there an Ellenwatch? Why are people entertained by this? Honestly, I don’t understand it.

Reply

• Marina :

  11/29/2013 at 11:36 pm
  Pest, Ellen represents a little bit of the non-conformist, high energy professional in all of us that we can smile at and appreciate. She’s young, vivacious and outspoken. Moreover, she can be really funny at times, because she is serious about each of the subject matters she addresses in her own attempt to help others in the hive. Ellen, in her own mind, knows everything, and in her microcosmic life, Ellen has truly been able to flourish. The managing partner loves her (i.e., she is a billing black belt), the judge loves her (possibly as an unrequited sex toy), and her clients love her (Roberta, Jim and a few others who accept her billings willingly). She struggles with her weight, and her father pushes her hard to look good so she can get married and off his hands. There is always a good story about a guy who tries to get the best of her sexually, but inevitably they’ve nearly all wound up empty-handed holding their own while Ellen casually moves on to the next guy who will not likely be worthy in the mind of her all consuming dad and her long-suffering mom. I think that if you read Ellen religiously, not only will you learn to appreciate what she has to say, but you will also look forward to her posts. I think this is why Ellenwatch has come on the scene and become a valuable place to find her posts, so if you don’t catch her posts here, Ellenwatch will be there to collect her posts for all of us, and add her own magical interpretations, most of which are on point! Yay, Ellenwatch! In this connection, I think Ellen has given us more than a few sayings we’ve incorporated into our own vernacular, such as JSFAMO, No way, Hoze! FOOEY! and a few other sayings that do not immediately come to mind.

  So sit back, relax and enjoy Ellen while we have her, because once she finds a real “Boyfreind”, I am sure he will keep her busy enough so that she will not have the same time and energy to post on her daily life as she’s done here for the past year or so.
  Reply

PHEREMONE compatebility

HAPPY THANK'SGIVEING ELLENWATCHER'S!!! 

Vikram is confirmed weird (and possibly chemically dependent), but we may be meeting Roberta's Philly son as soon as Black Friday. Myrna is still dispensing wisdom, and Rosa is presumably still pregnant with #3. Not much else to say, it seem's, and I need to sign off for a bit anyway. Everyone enjoy their boiled Yam's, and dispense immediately with ooooglers around you're tables this evening! Hopefully you're all married anyway!

Love,
EW

Ellen :

11/27/2013 at 1:37 pm

Yay! This is an Open Thread Wednesday! I love Open thread’s!

I love this dress, Cat, but need a guy to take me out to the type of places where I could wear this. Most guys just want to go to basketball games, or worse yet, back to my place and they do NOT focus on clotheing at all. FOOEY on them!

I just got home and am boileing my YAM’s for tomorrow. I was NOT sure if I had to peel the YAM’s first or wait until they are Boiled, and mom is out somewhere not pickeing up on her Cell phone. I could NOT wait and ask the hive so I am just goieng forward and Boileing the Yam’s first. They were dirty any way, so I figure I will boil away all the dirt. FOOEY on Dirt. They should realy clean them before selling them in Fairway’s. Doubel Fooey!

Myrna called to say that Vikram told his freind that he REALY liked me. I think he is OK, but he already has me pregneant with many of his kid’s and I onley went out on ONE date with him. We will have to see. I also wondered why he was doing so much sniffeing around me. He said he was testing to determine PHEREMONE compatebility (which he said the answer was “YES”, but I think that mabye he had a cold or worse yet, has some sort of probelem with snorting bad stuff, b/c they do alot of that in his industry for fun. FOOEY on that. That is a definite deal breaker. Drinkeing is bad enough, but NO WAY HOZE am I goieng to marry a drug addiect. DOUBEL FOOEY!

Roberta STILL want’s me to swing by her place to meet her son, but it can’t be Tomorrow b/c I am NOT goieng to be at Grandma Leyeh’s. But she said her son will be there all weekend, so I told her I would call her after I got back to the CITY on Friday. Myrna said she probabley will NOT want to drive on Thank’sgiving after eateing alot of turkey because of TRIPTOPANE. I have learned SO much from Myrna. I hope that I can teach her thing’s from time to time. YAY!

Dad said that mabye he would come back in the car with Myrna and me and we could walk in the City. He has to meet a guy on Friday about some project he is workeing on and that guy is goeing to be on the WEST SIDE somewhere. I told him I realy do NOT know much about the west side other then you have to take a bus to get there and the peeople are usueally very freindly over there. I went to Zebar’s once, and the guy in the coffee department wanted to date me just b/c I drink Colomian Coffee. Anyway, HAPPY TURKEY DAY TO THE HIVE. YAY!!!!

Reply

but alway’s p’ostponed it

Aye, the random ap'ostrophes just keep getting ramdomer. More ranting about Alan and his reckless bodily functions, and though she did indeed meet Vikram last night it sounds like he's just going to turn into another oddity in her collection of overzealous, gropey foreigners (Gonzalo/Ecuador, Sam/UK, Willem/Belgum, and now Vikram/Sri Lanka). 

Ellen :

11/27/2013 at 10:38 am

Yay! I am comeing to this post late, so alot of the hive has already comented about moving in with a boyfreind. I will try to be CONCISE about my thought’s on this issue, b/c I had do deal with this.

Yes, I agree that FINANCE’S must be discused right away. B/c I had money comeing in from dad, I alway’s had my own place, but Alan kind of moved in after a while b/c he knew he had a place to sleep and get his dirty laundry cleaned by my housekeeper (dad paying of course), and also he ALWAYS knew where the food was in the refregierator that my housekeeper stocked (and dad paid for), and even the wine and beer, also stocked by my housekeeper but dad paid for. In short, he had a place to eat and poop that was covered by me and dad, and all he had to do is NOTHING but drink. FOOEY on THAT.

The next thing I had to come to grip’s with was the MARRAGE thing. Alan knew I wanted to be MARRIED, but alway’s p’ostponed it, saying it was for later, and b/c we got along sexueally, that should be good enough for now. He also knew I wanted kid’s, but was very carful NOT to have risky sex with me. I finaly learned that the onley way to get men to pay attention is NOT to give away the cow for free, even though the milk was also availabel. My freind’s told me to avoid haveing sex and that will get attention from men who will then start doeing rather then talkeing. Alan was to drunk most of the time to care. FOOEY on that.

Once money and sex is figured out, you then have to make sure you can realy live with a guy 24/7. Most guy’s are OK for an hour or 2, but do you realy want them around 24/7, stinkeing up the toilet (or the living room–which is worse) and burpeing while you are trying to watch TV? If the answer is NO, then do NOT moove in with him.

It is hard to judge, but try and go on a vacation with him somewhere first, where you will be with him for 3 day’s or so. Some of his worst trate’s will come out and you can determine wether it is goieng to be worth it to have him eateing, sleepeing, burpeing and farteing up your bed 24/7 if he move’s in with you. It is a tough decision and that is why dad wanted Alan NOT to take up with me full time unless we were MARRIED. Dad was right.

I did meet Vikram yesterday, BTW, and he was different. I had a littel troubel understanding what he was saying, but he has family back home that he send’s money to. He is nice enough, and he said we were compateble b/c of when I was born and him, and we could have many children together. I hardley know him and already he has me bearing his children? This may be a culture thing, Myrna says, because her freind never said to HER that he wanted her to bear him children. He is also from somewhere over seas. I will have to check with her where Olak’s family is from, but I think somewhere in Europe or sSouth America. Where are the NORMAL guy’s from the East Coast of USA? Are there any left who are eligibel and willing to MARRY and support me? DOUBEL FOOEY!

I am goeing home soon to make Yam Stuffing for mom’s feast tomorrow. I hope it turn’s out good. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply

I have to FOCUS my expertize

If Dad has patronizing opinion's about Corporette readers, does this mean he reads it???????? If so, I say we're just one step away from his having visited ELLENWatch once or twize, and I sure hope he has just to witness my erudite articulations of hatred for him. You're welcome to comment, even, Mr. Barshevsky, as long as you don't send me a bill for it. FOOEY ON YOU.

Meanwhile, the double date with Vikram apparently took place last night. Ellen's report should go up any minute now...

Ellen :

11/26/2013 at 10:20 am

Yay! Congratulation’s! You see, we WOMEN can suceed in Business! The manageing partner recognises that women are an ASSET so he take’s care of us also. Doubel Yay!

I emailed my dad the Obamacare benefit’s stuff, and dad told me to stay with my current plan b/c it is the best. But b/c it is also the most expensive (in term’s of copay’s and dedeacutable’s), dad is thinkeing that mabye I should put MORE money into my Health Account b/c that money is tax dedeacutable and I need more dedeactuion’s, but I would HAVE to use it or loose it!

What is the HIVE doing on Obamacare? I told Dad I would ask the hive, and he laughed b/c he does NOT think the hive knows much about economic’s. FOOEY on him! Just b/c I delagate to him does NOT mean that we, as WOMEN, all have to do this. I delagate b/c I have to FOCUS my expertize on the law, b/c I am an attorney in GOOD standing in the court’s of the State of New York, and I will leave it to HIM to figure out what is best for me economiclly.

Dad is the one with an MBA, not me, tho Dad and the manageing partner now BOTH think that I should go back and get my MBA part time from NYU or Columbia University. I realy do NOT want to sit in a class, but since the manageing partner is willing to pay 100% of my tuition and book’s and give me “resonable time off” to study, dad is pusheing for me to reconsider. I found out that I would STILL have to take a test to get in, and I hate those test’s b/c every time I ever took one, the PROCTOR alway’s was stareing at me, so I could NOT concentrate!

I also remember when I took the Bar exam along time ago that the proctor had very clammy hands, b/c he took my paper at the end then asked me if I was MARRIED. I told him no and he said that mabye we should go out, but I told him that I did NOT want to date the proctor’s. FOOEY!

Myrna is now goieng to meet me and her freind and Vikram tonite for drink’s. I hope he does NOT have sweaty hand’s either. DOUBEL FOOEY!

Reply

Why do thing’s have to be so difficult?

Well, we already knew Willem was a creeper, but this is a step beyond. Recall that his parent's are in BELGUM and he already tried to bring Ellen there to introduce her. Now the incriminating photos/anecdotes, and next thing we know she's cornered into marrying him just to save her cross-Atlantic reputation. 

Reasons for colleague Madeline's inferiority now include fatness and a lack of clothing allowance from MP. I'm pretty sure she's also an old, hairy spinster--though Ellen's days of being abel to lord that over anyone are certainly numbered. 

Ellen :

11/25/2013 at 3:03 pm

I love this Scarf, Kat, and just read that it is made out of a fabric blend that includes wool, angora and cashmere. I LOVE Cashmere. I asked the manageing partner if he will reimburse for a SCARF and he said ONLEY if I wear it INSIDE THE OFFICE, at depo’s and in court. I am NOT sure if this is goieng to be to warm to wear inside, particulearley b/c it is so HOT in our office and I was planning and wearing it TO AND FROM work with my down jacket and FITBIT!

Why do thing’s have to be so difficult? He said that Madeline was getting testy b/c onley I get an allowance, but I reminded him that Madeline does NOT go into court and sit’s on her tuchus all day reading tax book’s! He agreed, and said that he WOULD reimburse, but NOT to tell Madeline. YAY!!!!!!

Willem is stopping by today (I did NOT invite him) b/c he want’s to take a picuture of me to send home to his mom and dad. I said why would they need that, and he said that they wanted to see what his girlfreind looked like. I said I am NOT his girlfreind just b/c we went to the Barclay’s center, and he said that his parent’s think I am his girlfreind b/c I was out with him after midnight, and in their world, a girl that stay’s out after midnight with a guy who is NOT married is either a girlfreind or a harlot. I d id NOT even know what a harlot was until I looked it up. FOOEY! I am NOT a harlot, but I also am not a girlfreind. I think they think that I am doeing alot of sexueal things with Willem that I am NOT doeing. DOUBEL FOOEY. I think when he show’s up that I will NOT let him take my picture unless he explain’s to mom and dad that we have NOT been sexeual, even the night of the Barcleay’s Center! FOOEY!

Reply

just visit a sperm bank and make a withdrawl from it

Ellen :

11/25/2013 at 2:19 pm

In 5-10 year’s I expect to be MARRIED, with at least two children, liveing in the subburb’s and mabye workeing part time as a JUDGE or as a PROFESSEUR of Law, hopefully at FULL Salary. But I have along way to go, especialy b/c I do NOT even have a BOYFREIND worth marrying let alone haveing sexeual realations with. FOOEY! I want to be MARRIED so that I do NOT have to have to sampel all of these men and be impressed by them when they are NOT impressive. Mabye I will just visit a sperm bank and make a withdrawl from it and that will be that. But then Grandma Leyeh will NOT give me my $50,000. DOUBEL FOOEY, b/e either way I have to have sex with a looser. TRIPEL FOOEY!

Reply

All I know is that Dad pay’s the bill’s and that he may negotieate something

God love Ashley for valiantly attempting to bring Ellen into the current century. I'm not sure she didn't know that Ellen is Ellen--think of her comment as a PSA, whether for the real person behind these post's or for the various Corporette readers who do in fact have this approach to marriage and finances for adulthood. I imageine there are even more than posts would attest.

I say if Vikram has seen a photo of Ellen there's no reason she hasn't seen one of him. Maybe he's doing Movember and that's why there's been such a delay in their meeting?

Ellen :

11/25/2013 at 9:50 am

Yay! Splurge Monday! I love Splurge Monday, tho I would have to wear 2 CAMI’s with this one b/c as it is getting colder, Frank become’s more and more interested in finding any skin to look at and he is NOT seeing any boobie’s from me. I think Frank’s wife must also be sheildeing her boobie’s from him b/c it is so cold out so he is VERY interested and is even starteing to stare at Madeline, who is very chubby! FOOEY she say’s!

I had a fun weekend and got a new scanner for my home OFFICE. Dad came in and we walked with his new FITBIT. It is funny b/c we walked the same disteance, but he had less number of step’s then me. I think it is b/c he is taller then me, so he has LONGER step’s. I mabye will send a note to FITBIT and ask.

Myrna’s freind say’s that Vikram is VERY interested now that he saw a picture of me on Myrna’s I-Phone. I still do NOT know what he look’s like but he is a teck guy. I hope he is not sweaty like our teck guy. Dad keep’s mentioning David, but I told him he had his chance, but left me high and dry when Hurricane Sandy hit. I may date him again, but onley if the current guy’s all turn out to be looser’s! He goe’s to the back of the line. Dad is tryeing to get mom to exercize with her fitbit w/him; he say’s her tuchus get’s in the way when they are in the Kitchen together, but mom say’s he is grabbeing at it alot, so mabye that mean’s dad like’s her tuchus the way it is. He can NOT have it both way’s I told mom. But mom is very BUSY bakeing stuff for the holiday, and the plan is now for Grandma Leyeh to be picked up by Rosa and driven down to Mom&Dad’s house where we will all have Thank’sgiving dinner.

Mom has asked that I bring a bottel of wine with me. I have to figure out which goe’s with Turkey. I will go to Garnet liquor’s on the way to work, or mabye on the way back b/c I do NOT want anyone seeing me with a bottel at work. Frank would want to taste test it I think. FOOEY!

Fineally, the manageing partner just handed out packet’s for next year’s health insureance information. I have to give it to dad to read b/c it is way to complicated for me to figure out. All I know is that Dad pay’s the bill’s and that he may negotieate something so that the health benefit’s are covered by my Partnership agreement. Whatever. I realy do NOT have time to waste lookeing at this. Dad can do it, and once I am MARRIED, I will let my husband take care of this stuff. I work way to hard to have to waste alot of time thinkeing about all of this Obamacare and stuff. FOOEY! That is what men are here for. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply

• Ashley :

  11/25/2013 at 11:55 am
  Ellen, darling, please for the love of Pete read “Prince Charming Isn’t Coming: How Women Get Smart About Money” by Barbara Stanny. She had the same financial philosophy as you do and ended up in the poor house before she wised up and started taking care of her own money.
  Reply
• Avodah :

  11/25/2013 at 1:33 pm
  You know this is satire, right?
  Reply

NEVER to do any doubel entener’s any m0re

The Sunshine Girls/Vinnie/Additional Anonymous Peudopeople have called me out over the past few days for missing a few post's. And I didn't even acknowledge them immediately! You know how I am going to defend myself already: they went up late, probably due to moderation! But forgiveness comes rarely and only after much grovelling with this particular audience, so I'll spare y'all. (Actually, empathy for my presumed bowel problems and threats of a wet noodle are comparatively quite kind.) 

As for the content itself, I agree that the only major takeaway is that Ellen maintains she has never been intimate with the Manageing Partner. I'm not saying I ever assumed otherwise, but she has never gone on the record denying it until now. Yes, this is making me think I should go on the record denying having slept with each of my bosses, too--if silence tends to mean Yes I Have (fooey).

1. AnonymousNovember 21, 2013 at 1:01 PM

   SLOPPY SLOPPY, ELLENWATCH!
   
   You skipped some pretty funny posts on the 19th, but inasmuch as you've been slacking (maybe with a case of IBS), we will forgive you....this time. Just don't let it happen again. 
   
   Here is #1 from the Coffee Break, where Ellen is considering being a law professor:
   
   Reply 
   Ellen : 
   11/19/2013 at 4:29 pm 
   This sound’s like a pretty good way to make an extra $5,000 per semester, but I think I do NOT have enough time to spend on being a ADJUNCT PROFESSEOR. I think I would rather do a FULL PROFESSEORESHIP b/c I could then be abel to have my dad parade around the country club telling everyone that NOT onley was I a partner at a NYC firm, but now am a full professeor of law. My onley problem is that I do NOT know where I am goeing to be–if I get MARRIED and live in Westchester, I do NOT want to have to comute all the way to NYC to teach, nor do I want to have to teach in Brooklen or Long Island. Mabye Pace in Westchester would be OK.
   
   Does any one know how much a FULL PROFESSEOR can make? $200-250K?
   
   On the other hand, if I get married and Live on Long Island, mabye it would NOT be so bad to teach on LONG ISLAND or even in Brooklyn, so I have MORE OPTION’s. In either event, I could even teach at NYU, but NOT at Columbia unless I drove, but I do NOT want to drive into the City to teach. FOOEY! I think my best bet is to think about Saint Jon or Brooklyn Law or NYU, takeing the train, or, like the manageing partner says, live in the HAMTONS and teach at Tooro Law, which is out there some where. I just do NOT want to waste alot of time prepareing for class. I figure that as a litiegieator, I could go over trial strategy and other thing’s that I NEVER was taught in law school. YAY!!!!!!!
   

   ReplyDelete
2. 
   AnonymousNovember 21, 2013 at 1:02 PM

   Here is #2, where Ellen is discussing what is the best and most appropriate business gift, where she confirms that her relationship with her boss is not sexual in nature.
   
   Ellen : 
   11/19/2013 at 2:25 pm 
   Yay! I think the best gift for the holiday’s are FOOD, or else cake’s or cookies, and I prefer Crumb’s or David and Somebody if you use mail order. I have to watch what I give Lynn b/c she is young and she is watcheing her figure, but Madeline will eat almost anything (and alot of it) b/c she has a VERY big tuchus and saddel bag’s that she admit’s she has long since STOPPED worryeing about.
   
   As for the OP, if you are on your second interview, you can tell them it is THEIR TURN to ask YOU question’s b/c you already know you WANT to work there, and it is now up to them if they want you to come work “with them”. Always say “work with them” b/c the workplace is suposed to be colaberative, according to Deborah Spar. Also, speaking along these lines, whatever you do, if you are intervewing with a man who would be your senior manageing partner, NEVER say that you would enjoy working under him, b/c this is a sexueal reference you do NOT want to portray. FOOEY! Frank tricked me once into agreeing that I worked under the manageing partner. I was MORTIFIED when the potential cleint looked at me as if I actueally had sex with the manageing partner. FOOEY! And the manageing partner agreed, b/c we do have ONLEY a professional relationship. TRIPEL FOOEY for Frank makeing me say that. I have learned NEVER to do any doubel entener’s any m0re. So for the OP, good luck, and I hope you get the job!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   
   Finally, here is #3, from the morning thread, where Ellen discusses the dilemma the firm faced when the firm needed a full body photo of the firm for some legal publication. Hilarious!
   
   Ellen : 
   11/19/2013 at 9:38 am 
   I love this dress, but the cut-out in back would NOT work for me b/c Frank is alway’s looking to find any kind of skin on me that he has NOT seen and then stare at it. He is so wierd some times b/c he has a wife who I am SURE he stare’s at all night and weekend’s also!
   
   As for the OP, I agree it is strange. In fact, the manageing partner wanted a full length photo of everyone in the firm, all standeing at a window lookeing out at the Chrysler Buildeing for an ad he was goieng to place! 
   
   But we don’t even have a conference room that look’s out at that Buildeing, so he was goieng to ask one of his freind’s to loan us their conference room so we could all go take that picture for the Top Lawyer’s magazine. The manageing partner then found out how much it would cost and said that we would consider it next year when we move to our new place.
   
   Fred has invited me to go to a Knick’s game at the Barclay’s center, b/c they are playing the NETS. I was there once with Willem and it was fun so I told him OK. I hope that was the right thing to do. At least Ed will be happy, tho I am not sure about being the wife of a FEED STORE MANAGER. FOOEY!
   
   ==================
   
   It looks like Fred is back in the picture after all. Ellenwatch, kindly keep up your appointed duties with the flair that we are used to seeing. It is not easy for the rest of us to follow her on Corporette, so we prefer that you do the ground work and furnish witty commentary. Should you continue to slack, we will have to find a wet noodle and deal with you accordingly!

   ReplyDelete

"Ellen #FAIL."

This is what I was talkeing about, with the suspicious formatting. The first post appears to be a false start--like, 5+ paragraphs are missing after the opening salutation. (However, where's the apostrophe in "thread's"?) Later it's looking even meeker: doubel posting a suggestion for a gift and not even exclamation-pointing or caps-ing the "yay"? 

Either this is Ellen when she's caffeine-deprived, or something, or we have a guest. 

Ellen :

11/22/2013 at 4:08 pm

Yay ! Open threads! I love open threads!

Reply

• Wildkitten :

  11/22/2013 at 6:59 pm
  Ellen #FAIL.
  Reply

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• Ellen :

  11/22/2013 at 4:17 pm
  He sounds like he could use a subscription to sport’s illustrated ? Yay
  Reply
• Ellen :

  11/22/2013 at 4:18 pm
  He sounds like he could use a subscription to sport’s illustrated ? Yay
  Reply

It is stuperscitcious

Hmm...Ellen say's this dress is unavailable in her size, but as of 11/23 it's still in stock in straight sizes 0 through 14. That should cover it, right? In petites, sizes 0 and 2 are unavailable, but since Ellen has shared that her height is 5'5" this shouldn't be relevant. 

Lower down (teehee) I appreciate Ellen's speculation about models having IBS and standing crookedly as a result. However, the formatting on future brief response-posts suggests an alternate Ellen (just maybe!) Well done, whomever.

Ellen :

11/22/2013 at 11:26 am

Yay! Fruegel Friday’s and I love this dress and Ann Taylor and this is a great find. Fooey b/c they do NOT have my size.

As for the OP, Super HUG’S to you, K-Padi, I know how dificult this can be. FOOEY!

When I was a littel girl, my mom had a cat for us, and his name was Boot’s. He was so cute, but mom had him before she was married, so by the time we were old enough to APRECIATE Boot’s, he was about 17. I remember when Mom had to do this and she was very sad. Even dad was sad, and dad usueally does NOT show ANY emotion. Even at Rosa’s wedding, when he had to give her away, he was very smiley b/c he knew that Ed would be takeing her off his plate. Of course, Rosa was NOT high mantenance (me either), but Dad wanted to have some one else buy all of Rosa’s clothe’s and shoe’s and take her on vacation’s and all that. Also, when Rosa moved out, Dad converted her room to his “study” and he does NOT let anyone in there–even mom.

I told dad about Vikram and he acted a littel strange. I think he want’s me to try it out with David, or even Sam, but not Willem or Vikram. I think b/c their name’s end in an M, he and Grandma Leyeh do NOT like that. It is stuperscitcious, but that is the way they are. I told him I HAVE to meet VIKRAM especialy b/c I put him off already once. Myrna says he will be cool to go out with b/c he is from Sri Lanka.

Reply

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Aqualover :

11/22/2013 at 10:36 am

I do not get why every single model on the Ann Taylor website is standing with one shoulder 6″ above the other. Like some awkward balancing contest or something.

Reply

• Ellen :

  11/22/2013 at 11:27 am
  I think it could be b/c they might have issue’s like Dad (IBS)? FOOEY!
  Reply

cape’s make me look fat, or alot like Mary Poppin’s

Do women really travel on business after they get married? Lots of cause for surprise/suspicion here; I agree with Ellen. Who else think's ol' galpal Pam may have a secret sugar daddy in New York? Maybe that's what Ellen means about the "good storie's" anticipated. 

Meanwhile, I was right to believe that Sam is still showing up at M&M, and Dad evidently thinks walkeing is going to be easier than riding horses when it comes to his sensitive tuchus. Glad I'm not invited on today's excursion--because you never know.

Ellen :

11/21/2013 at 4:02 pm

Yay! I was abel to avoid Sam today when he showed up in the office b/c I was useing to hallway toilet and saw him come in just as I was shutting the door. This is about the ONLEY time I have to thank Frank for takeing up residence in our toilet and makeing me use the hall toilet b/c if I were in there Sam would have nabbed me for sure! Thank’s Frank.

As for this cape, I love NIEMAN MARCUS, but cape’s make me look fat, or alot like Mary Poppin’s, and even tho there is NOTHING wrong with her, I prefer to be warm, and cape’s do NOT do this for me. I finaly had to break out my DOWN coat b/c walkeing to work has been very challengeing in the cold. Hopefully, it will be easy if I am warm, tho I will NOT walk as fast and my tuchus will not get as much of a workout.

Dad’s fitbit has arrived, and he said he was goieng to come into the city to walk with me on Saturday. I said OK b/c I want dad to see how much work it is to walk so many step’s every day. I am goieng to see if he can do the walk from 78th to 32nd like I do every day, but I will NOT make him walk back. He will probabley just go to PENN Station and colapse on the train goieng home. He said he got 2 fitbit’s–one for mom b/c her tuchus need’s a workout but I do NOT think mom will use it.

Tonite I am meeting Pam, an old freind from college at a bar on 3rd Avenue. I have not seen her for year’s but she is here on busness even tho she is MARRIED. I hope she has good storie’s to tell. I know her husband Stan from college. He alway’s smelled like warm milk. I think that was b/c he alway’s was eateing cheeze and yogurt. FOOEY!

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as smart and as shreud and as cunning

Alternative misspelling of "shrewd" here. 

Ellen :

11/21/2013 at 2:14 pm

The manageing partner has been buggeing me for a while to hire an assistaent to help me with all of the pleeading’s that I do as well as to be a field investigeator for me to take picture’s of peoople who are claiming to be disabled and collect Workers Comp, but who are abel to do alot of thing’s. I caught a guy putteing shingel’s on his roof when he said he could NOT get out of bed. When I showed that picture to the JUDGE, the JUDGE dismissed his case with PREJUDICE!!!! YAY! The judge say’s I am a black belt b/c of these kind of thing’s so I am very worried if I delegeate it to someone else that they will NOT be as smart and as shreud and as cunning as I am in getting this kind of evideance for litieagation!!!!

So for the time being, I am both a lawyer and the firm’s WC investieagator. I bill for both, so that help’s keep my hours up. I get the same rate for both jobs, so the manageing partner is NOT that much in a hurry to replace me with someone at half the hourley billiengs. YAY!!!!!

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“Hi, [INSERT NAME], this is Ellen!”

Ellen :

11/21/2013 at 11:13 am

I love this dress, but the color, NOT SO MUCH! FOOEY on the color!

As for the OP, When I am at work, b/c we do NOT have caller ID, and our phone’s just light up with a singel ring, I alway’s answer: “Hello, this is Ellen Barshevsky, can I help you?”

On the OTHER HAND, on my Iphone, I have caller ID, so I can tell if I know someone, I just say: “Hi, [INSERT NAME], this is Ellen!”

When I am at home, I also have caller ID, and most peeople do NOT call me there other then Mom & Dad, so I either do NOT pick up if it’s a salesman, or if it’s mom & dad, I just say: “Hi!”

Tonite, I am posteponeing my doubel date with Vikram until next week b/c I am to busy this week. I am goeing to have Roberta in the office tomorrow to go over 15 new cases, and I MUST be prepared. She said we can go to Macy’s afterward’s! YAY!!!!

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confliect of Interest

May I show such audacity as to make a point-black correction on this one? The three women who work at Manageing & MANAGEING LLP are listed as Ellen, Lynn, and Roberta, but the latter is supposed to be MADELINE. Roberta is a cleint of the firm, and her office is elsewhere, while Madeline is a colleague. 

You're welcome, counsel. 

Ellen :

11/20/2013 at 3:38 pm

Yay! I love Gucci, but this is out of my PAY GRADE (as they say in DC–fooey on goverment).

As for this OP, the manageing partner would NEVER let me get away weareing boot’s of ANY type in the office, irregardeless of whether it was rainey or snowey outside. He insist’s on all of the women (all 3 of us) weareing fashionable pump’s in the OFFICE, (not even flat’s), so that mean’s ME and Lynn and Roberta all haveing to leave at least one pair of nice pump’s in our desk’s so that we have them to change into when we come in.

I suppose it is JUST AS WELL, b/c when I walk in with boot’s, there have been more then a few TIMES when I have acidentelly stepped into dog poop or other gross and have to leave my boot’s (or NIKE’s) out in the hall b/c they are to smelley to bring in. In fact, just yesterday, I got some strange stuff on my NIKE’s when I walked down LEX and had to leave them outside b/c they were gooey. I also left them outside my apartement door overnite, but they are not as gooey today, and the walkeing helps with my FITBIT. YAY!

Sam called, b/c he think’s I may still date him b/c he has some work for the manageing partner. I am NOT being assigned any of his work b/c I think it would be a confliect of Interest, especialy b/c I saw his winkie. I did NOT tell Frank about that or I would NEVER hear the end of it. Frank lives for storie’s like that and I am NOT about to HUMOR him. FOOEY!

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think’s that his standard of liveing is goieng to go DOWN

Much more marital background on MP than we'd ever had before. Thank's for the close read, Kanye, and indeed I wondered the same about the verb "have" as separate from "marry." Then we learn that MP's late nights on the job, while married to Wife #1, may have involved Margie (cum mistress, I assume?) Shady shady, just as we've come to expect from this one. I'd wondered before what happened to his original wife, but since she's still local perhaps it's not too much to ask that she show's up at the office at some point with a demand or two. MP tells Lynn to say he's out of the office, but Ellen blows his cover, I could go on. 

And it's unclear whether Ellen actually is going out with Willem again or not. 

Ellen :

11/20/2013 at 9:52 am

Cat, I love this blouse, but it is to low cut for me to wear to work b/c of FRANK. He would start investigeating what kind of bra I am weareing and whether it was the right color for the shirt, etc, etc, etc, so I will have to pass on this one. Mabye Rosa would like it b/c it is OK if Ed is lookeing, but NOT any one else. FOOEY!

As for the OP, Divorce can get expensive, particularley if it is contested, meaning in your case if your hubby is a doosh and think’s that his standard of liveing is goieng to go DOWN after you leave b/c you make alot of money and he does NOT and he will have to pay his own OBAMAcare or whatever, b/c you were paying but now you will NOT, etc, etc.

The manageing partner does some divorces, but he alway’s represent’s men and they are also dooshe’s b/c they want to minimise the amount they have to pay to their exe’s b/c they usueally have new women to support. FOOEY b/c the women themselves can be dispensed with by these same peeople in a few year’s for even newer model’s. That is how the manageing partner wound up with Margie–there was some kind of pay off to Margie’s ex so that the manageing partner could have her and marry her. I do NOT know what ever happened the manageing partner’s first wife. She ocasionally calls the manageing partner when she needs some thing — she live’s somewhere NEAR the HAMTONS, but never remarried. I heard from Frank that she did NOT like the manageing partner’s late nite work (which I think involved Margie, but I am not sure).

So anyway, hug’s to you and I hope you get a good divorce lawyer who will make sure that you get out of your mess with as LITTEL DIFICULTY as possible, and that you find a new, GOOD GUY to MARRY, b/c that is what I am also lookeing for.

Willem texted me today and he also want’s to out this week. I am to busy right now to think b/c I have to figure out more about VIKRAM and get alot smarter about SRI LANKA. So far, I have googeled it and am learning alot about it. I do NOT think I want to live there if we get married, tho. It is NOT at all like NYC, so mabye this is why VIKRAM came here to live. I will find out more from Myrna when she talk’s to her freind. YAY!!!!!!

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• Kanye East :

  11/20/2013 at 12:33 pm
  there was some kind of pay off to Margie’s ex so that the manageing partner could have her and marry her.(emphasis added)

  omg

  Manageing Partner: Human Trafficker?
  Reply

DISSSGUSSTING!

Ok, all the S's in there make me think Ellen just might have been deliberate this once. 

Ellen :

11/18/2013 at 3:57 pm

Yay! Hug’s to you, NOLA. I am glad you are NOT allergic to thing’s. I went to an ALLERGIST after I started sneezeing when I moved into my first apartement in NYC, and he told me it was b/c there were mice and other vermine around. I also told him the naighbor’s were cookeing useing CURREY POWDER, and he said that alot of peeople are allergic to CURREY, even if they do NOT eat the food. I think I already told the hive that I do NOT like men to wear perfume or colone, b/c it is ONLEY a coverup for their B.O., and that is NOT good. I met a guy in college that DRENCHED himself with ARMAIS, and underneath it was a smelley guy that did NOT like to shower. Needless to say, when he wanted to date me, I said I could not date a guy who smelled. When he said that I should LOVE ARMAIS, b/c so many girls did, I told him that whatever it was, I could still smell alot of B.O. on him, and that was a deal breaker! WHAT A TRUE FOOEY he was! He told my room mate that I wanted to have sex with him! Nothing could be further from the truth I said b/c I would NOT be abel to be in the same room, let alone haveing him drip his smelley B.O. on me. DISSSGUSSTING!

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I am singing the same tune.

Continuing to drool over Pitt in LOTF is such perfect Ellen 90s retro, right along with the scrunchies and (presumably) the puffy white walking shoes she wears for commuting.  Meanwhile, see bottom to confirm that she didn't have a piece (or a few) of pecan pie; she had the whole thing--after "starving" for the weekend. In case anyone out there uses Ellen as a wellness/self-care role model, please stop now. I won't bother with the more obvious concern because few people think Ellen is the type of entity to have a metabolism. Or, at least, the one she tell's us about.

Ellen :

11/18/2013 at 10:26 am

Yay! Pricey Monday! I could use a sandwich, b/c all weekend I starved myself to keep my tuchus in shape. Dad called to say that he has sent away for his own FITBIT, and will be comeing into NYC to walk with me on weekend’s! YAY! His internist say’s he should stop with the horseback riding b/c he is NOT a Brad Pit any more. OMG, I still get woozey when I think of Brad Pit from the movie “Legend’s of the Fall”

As for the OP, I am singing the same tune. Alot of my freind’s from college are married (one even divorced already), and even some of the law school peeople (not freind’s) married within the class, and we do NOT have much in common b/c they talk about thing’s that I am NOT interested in.

I prefer Myrna b/c she is young and single like me and we have alot of fun together and she has a VERY funny and biteing sense of humor. She has NO troubel attracting guy’s and as a matter of fact, she arranged a doubel date for us this week with a guy named Vikram who works for a Bank in Computer programing. I love banker’s but I am not sure what a programer does at a Bank. I will find out soon enough b/c her freind is his freind and I get to pick where we go out to eat! YAY!!!!

Roberta invited me to their Thanksgiving dinner, b/c her son from Philladelphia will be there. I told her I usueally go to my Grandma Leyeh’s (which is also in the Bronx), so mabye I could at least swing by for desert afterward and meet her son. She seemed happy to hear that b/c her son is lookeing for a nice girl (meaning ME!). I did not mention Vikram or Fred or Micheal, or Willem or even Sam who I have to juggel to find the right one, but so far, I have not been thrilled enough to lose my baleance for any of them. Now if Brad Pit stopped by, that would be another thing, even tho I read he is 50 year’s old! FOOEY! That is way to old for me I guess, but it doesn’t stop me from day dreameing about him. DOUBEL FOOEY b/c he is still better then these other guy’s who do NOT take me serious!

I ate a Pecan Pie yesterday with Myrna and have to work it off at lunch today. I think I will walk all the way up to Grand Central, over to Time Square and then back down to Macy’s and then back over here. It will cut into my billiengs b/c that will take an hour, but mabye I can make a call or 2 while walkeing and then I will be abel to still keep up with my billeing’s! YAY!!!!

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have to WORK with alot of JERK’s

Slight correction, Tapas Queen: Ellen is not yet partner, but rather is in some indefinite on-deck period involving contract negotiations between her boss and her father. The deal was supposed to seal at the end of 2013, so celebration could be in order soon...but so could fooeying. MP is far from a straight shooter, and the firm is probably insolvent and mired in a bunch of ethics violations. (But who asked me, I know.) 

Ellen :

11/15/2013 at 2:42 pm

Yay! Open thread’s!!!! I love open thread’s!

I agree with Hollis! Do NOT give up so fast! You went to law school for 3 years and took the bar (which I hope you passed). Just like you have to kiss alot of frog’s before you meet your prince (I am still kissing away), you will have to WORK with alot of JERK’s in different legal area’s before you find your NITCH.

I remember my first law job where all I saw was this guy yelling out numbers, where he was RANKEING women 1-10 that were passing on the street in DC. FOOEY b/c he was a looser who was probabley not even a 2 himself.

Then I had a job where I was serveing subpeeenea’s and the guy who ran the busness just wanted to have sex with me! DOUBEL FOOEY!

There were other looser job’s, but then I met the manageing partner and this one has worked out for me. I went from being where you were to where I am now. A sucesful litieagator in the Court’s of the State of New York (trial and apellate), and a partner at a nice Booteak firm speacializing in Workers Compensation!

So dont give up; mabye look for another place if you have to but remember you are a strong woman not about to let men push you around, either at work or in your personal life. YAY!!!!!!

I am getting to be leaveing early today b/c I already billed 125 hour’s for this week, so the manageing partner said I could take the last 2 hour’s off! DOUBEL YAY!

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• Tapas Queen :

  11/15/2013 at 4:13 pm
  She’s billed 125 hours this week? Ellen really is a vunderkind. It’s no wonder that she’s made partner at such a tender age!
  Reply