[Away MES'SAGE]

Reader's, ELLENWatch is on a brief hiatus as of this post. My DAD say's blogging makes my tuchus bigger and I need to take at least a week off to loose 8 pound's. I'm very sorry for the inevitable deprivation of your thrice-daily, but surely you understand!

If you would LIKE to help me stay up to date, and fill in critical gaps upon my return, please po'st Ellen comments below (and feel free to add your own wisdom since I've temporarily abdicated). I'd be very grateful and will of course cite you for the collegial efforts.

If you need an additional Ellen fix please visit the "greatest Hitts" tab. I was going to run a serie's of repost faves while I was away, but in our shared mission I thought the collection of missed COMENTS more valuable.

THANK'S to the Hive!
FREINDS on this websight!
YOUR'S TRUELY
ELLENWatch

we call it Barshevsky Brothers

More insight into Dad's aesthetic choices than we've ever had before. I was also unaware of this paternal uncel--other son of Leyeh--but I'm sure he's just as much the charmer.

May everyone get a preposterous marriage proposal this holiday weekend, and even outsource the mate-ensnaring cooking job to Mom! YAY!

Ellen :

05/24/2013 at 3:58 pm

Yay! Open Thread’s! I love HOLIDAY Open Thread’s! And I love Crock’s! Rosa started the trend in the Barshevsky Family, and now even DAD wear’s Crock’s! Dad NORMALLY NEVER wear’s anything that is NOT Brook’s Brother’s (we call it Barshevsky Brothers, b/c he has a brother that is just as preppey, mabye even more so), but now he wear’s CROCK’S! Does that fit? I do NOT think so!

Anyway, I was forced to stay late b/c the manageing partner wanted me to buff up his slide’s for a NEW CLEINT pitch he is giveing to a new potential cleint. We needed to update the slide’s to list some new CLEINT’s that I brought in (YAY), b/c we did NOT have those cleint’s when we last used the slide’s. I told the manageing partner that we did NOT get the permision to use the cleint’s name’s yet, but he said NOT to worry b/c he would put this into the small print on the May Billeing’s that Frank is sending out, and we would be fine. I am NOT sure about this b/c there is some case law I read in law school that said you NEED permission, but the manageing partner says the cleint does not read case law. I hope he is right.

Anyway, I have to catch a 5:30 train today and hope it will NOT be to croweded with all of the peeople goieng to the Hamtons. I say it will be to cold, and am glad that Myrna and I are not goieng yet. FOOEY if it is cold or wet (or both) when we go. I want to be abel to sit in the SUN (or at least under a BEACH UMBRELA! YAY!!!!! I do NOT want to have to deal with SKEEVEY guy’s who come over like they did at the Boardwalk who want us to drink beer’s with them. FOOEY! The last thing I need is a drunk guy with BEER BREATHE! DOUBEL FOOEY! I hope MOM is getteing the CHICKEN ready so that I can taste it by the time I get HOME tonite! YAY!!!!! DAD is also goieng to try it, and he is more then a little pickey! So if he like’s it, I will tell PHILIP to get me a 2 KARAT dimond ring when he come’s OVER! YAY!!!!!!! HAPPY HOLDIDAY’ to the HIVE, and I will be sure to REPORT back!!!!!

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and get copie’s of the policie’s

One of the most reasonable sounding do diligence plans (re partnership) we've heard for a while, though still not nearly adequate. Note that "this will all be moot" is in the event that Engagement Chicken work's and Ellen immediately quits her job and gets pregnant.

Ellen :

05/24/2013 at 10:50 am

I agree with the Cami suggestion, but it is better, especialy in the Summer NOT to buy top’s that are subject to this. FRANK alway’s advocate’s the low cut blouse’s, but that is ONLEY b/c he wants to see my boobie’s, even onley part of them. I alway’s tell him to stop stareing at my boobie’s but I think it is a genetic thing with him. His wife does NOT have big boobie’s so I think he is starved for them. FOOEY on him!

I am leaveing work early for the holiday and am takeing the LIRR home with the manageing partner. I told him we should discuss the partnership thing b/c I need to go over some details with my DAD. If I do NOT get the detail’s straight, I will have DAD talk directly to the manageing partner. This is all so compleicated! DOUBEL FOOEY! Dad keep’s talkeing about the firm insurance policy and I realy don’t know what kind of policie’s they have. Mabye I will just have DAD talk to the manageing partner (or Frank) and get copie’s of the policie’s.

Mom is goieng to make chicken with me, so if it work’s, MABYE this will all be moot b/c Philip will MARRY me and we will have a BABY b/f next September and Grandma Leyeh will give us $50,000 –YAY! But the thought of Philip makeing a baby with me is some thing I have alot of troubel with. I rembember sex with Alan was gross when he got drunk, and he alway’s just rolled over and fell asleep. Alan at least was not tiny, but he was NOT romantic either. I need a guy who make’s me feel good, and I can NOT think Philip will care much about ME, b/c Alan alway’s thought about HIS need’s and what I could do to make HIM feel GOOD, then just burped and rolled over after he was DONE w/o even a kiss after I did all that for him. TRIPEL FOOEY!

Anyway, I may try and catch up on my Iphone, or at Dad’s house on his IMAC, but if I do NOT, have a happy weekend! YAY!!!!!

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like goieng on a rolla coaster b/f knoweing what you were getteing into

Another war story for the age's.

Ellen :

05/23/2013 at 12:01 pm

Hug’s to you. I am so sorry you had to go thru this, but alot of us have at some point, wether b/c we were ill or b/c we had nerves, or both. The key is NOT to worry about it, and FORGET it, b/c you are a PROFESSIONAL, so you can deal with Anything!

I remember when I was just starteing, the manageing partner had me go with him to court, suposedly just to watch, but just before the judge called our case, he said he did not feel well (he said he had eaten the eveneing before at a Indonesean resturunt, so all of a sudden, he says, I have to go to the batheroom, if they call our case, just tell them I will be right back. OMG I said. And off he ran to the toilet. Fooey! When the clerk called our case, I stood up and said “READY” but forgot to say that the manageing partner was in the toilet and would be right back. Because our case was the only one on the docket that had both partie’s say Ready, the judge looked at me and said that he would hear our motion right then and there! I did NOT know what to say, other then to read from the breif the manageing partner had written. The judge did NOT ask any question’s and before the manageing partner got back, the attorney’s for the plainetiff mumbled something, and the judge granted the manageing partner’s motion all while the manageing partner was in the toilet. He was very happy after he got back, but I felt happy and sick at the same time. It was like goieng on a rolla coaster b/f knoweing what you were getteing into.

So don’t worry, it hapens to all of us, and we survive. YAY!!!!!

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NOT sure that I can continue to bill 6 hour’s for mabye a 1/2 hour of work

Leonardo Wilhelm DiCaprio is actually 38, at least 4-6 years older than Ellen. He's been known not to mind younger women, however, so it could still be worth a shot. Meanwhile Ellen's spelling continues to erode (Marjie) and we learn for certain that billing 12x time actual worked for the client is de rigeur at Manageing & MANAGEING. Ellen isn't sure how she can proceed as a partner if this isn't allowed any longer...but I have a feeling MP know's.

Do we think Ellen will come back to Corporette with socio-historical reflections on love and beauty after seeing The Great Gat'sby?

Ellen :

05/22/2013 at 3:23 pm

You should do what I do. Have them delivered to the OFFICE, or you can have your DOORMAN sign for them in your apartement. I usueally have them delivered to the OFFICE, b/c that way, I can show the manageing partner right away, and make sure he will have FRANK give me my reimbeursement right away so I am NOT cash out of pocket for the 30% as DAD say’s. Dad has lightened up on me since I lost 3 lbs useing the FITBIT, but I still have 5 to go. I am NOT buying CRUMBS by the box, just indeividueall cupcake’s. He did NOT want me to eat at all, but I told him I would NOT go cold turkey on Crumb’s.

I am leaveing work early today to meet Myrna b/c we are goieing to see a movie togther. It’s the latest Leornardo DeCaprio movie with Carey Mulligan and it is suposed to be so good. I am a BIG fan of Leornardo ever since the Titanic movie. He was a child star, but I think we are about the same age. To bad he would NOT marry me b/c then I would NOT have to work at all and would NOT have to worry about takeing this CLE course on the ETHICS of Partnership. My dad warned me that I am NOW goieng to be joiently responsibile for all of my billieng’s as well as everybody else’s billings. I am NOT sure that I can continue to bill 6 hour’s for mabye a 1/2 hour of work any more. If that is what a PARTNER now has to do, FOOEY, b/c how can I get my 3200 hours each year? I am NOT goieing to work 3200 hours to do it. I have to ask this question at the CLE, but do NOT want to be liable for other partner’s billeing’s either. The manageing partner bills more hours then me and most of the time he is NOT working at all. Sometimes he bills when he is at home, and he billed 10 hour’s on the day that he and Marjie went to the Javit’s Center to look at Boat’s! I hope that is not goeing to be a problem. FOOEY!

How to other’s in the HIVE handel billieings? Is there a right way to do it where I can get alot of hour’s in while still beeing ETHEICAL? I hope so.

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Alot of her freind’s looked good, I dont want to misleed you

The CLE she's referring to is for MP's CYA. Note that all her skepticism about why she's being asked to take it is replaced by relief at the number of ethic's credit's that come with, kind of like how quick she was to excuse the huge and shady buy-in requirement for her partnership. 

Dad? Roberta? Leyeh? ANYBODY?

Ellen :

05/22/2013 at 10:24 am

I think the Mother in law is saying no pastel’s b/c she does NOT want you to show up the BRIDE. Most likeley, the bride needs as much attention as she can get, and the LAST thing they need at the wedding is for the BRIDE to be upstaged by other women who have nicer dresse’s then the Bride.

When Rosa got married, Mom did NOT put out any restriction’s and as you might SUSPECT, alot of her freind’s dressed with very colorful dresse’s. Fourtuneately, b/c Rosa has model look’s, it did NOT matter that she had a simpel white dress –VERA WANG– b/c she was clearely the prettiest one there by far! YAY Rosa. Alot of her freind’s looked good, I dont want to misleed you, but they were realy NOTHIING special next to ROSA. If ONLEY I could have gotten some of ROSA’s gene’s, I would be MARRIED by now with Children of my own! FOOEY! Right now, I am NOT thrilled about haveing to impress littel Philip just b/c he has a job, and money in the bank. The thought of him makeing babies with me is NOT something I am lookeing forward to, especialy b/c I want 2 children and a house in the subburb’s. DOUBEL FOOEY! Mom went out and bought a whole chicken which we will COOK on FRIDAY night together. YAY!!!!! I am takeing off early from work b/c the manageing partner said I could. I signed up for the CLE, and will get 1.5 ETHIC’s credit’s for it. YAY!

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then thaw it out the day that Philip come’s OVER

Finellaley! Philip has again waited a matter of weeks to get in touch, but he did. I'm not excited, but of course she is. I wonder if the engagement chicken will have gone bad in the freezer by the time they actually make a plan. 
Winking again at our oh-so-discreet symbiosis with "29rd."

Ellen :

05/21/2013 at 3:06 pm

I love this sachel bag too, but my Dad bought me a big LIT bag that I carry EVERYTHING in, especialy my clotheing that I must wear in court and an extra set of pump’s, in addition to all of the court breif’s and other book’s and my makeup kit. So while I love KAT’s choice, I will not purchase one. Beside’s, the manageing partner will NOT reimburse for satchel’s, b/c he say’s they are NOT clotheing. I will NOT argue, b/c he DOES reimburse for shoe’s and belt’s. YAY!!!!! Fooey on dad, b/c sometimes he calls me sachel ass. FOOEY!

Philip sent a text message sayeing that he is interested in meeting again and that he would like to try my chicken. Ed must have told him about the chicken. I hope he did NOT say that it was good (or bad) b/c I do NOT like the taste yet. For now, I have to try again with Mom and see if she make’s it any better. If it is GOOD tasteing, I then will take it, put it in my FREEZER, then thaw it out the day that Philip come’s OVER! YAY!!!!

I am NOT a cook, but MUST make Philip think I am a good cook and home maker. I will have to inveite him over on the day that my cleaneing lady come’s so the place look’s good. I will also have my cleaneing lady wash the window’s on the apartement b/c I face the avenue, and there is alot of schumutz on the window even tho I am on the 29rd floor. If onley dad had bought me a place on the 35th floor, I do NOT think I would have this probelem. FOOEY! But at least I have a good view of the EAST River and the Airport plane’s takeing off. YAY!!!!!!

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• PHX :

  05/21/2013 at 3:26 pm
  Oh, ELLEN! “Sachel ass”? FOOEY!
  Reply

THIS IS Alot more compeicated that I thought.

I, too, say OY!!!! The bit about being a partner as more than just increased $$$ kind of speak's for itself. Even Dad did not warn her? Manageing Partner is covering his ass, but then, of course he is. This is a silly reason not to go up for partner at M&M, but I'll take anything forcing Ellen (and Dad) to slow the roll. Remember there's always the option to call back Brian's boss...

Sadly this CLE is webinar-only, otherwise you know I was going to show up with an ELLENWatch name tag and wait for her to stumble into my trap.

Ellen :

05/21/2013 at 9:36 am

Rosa look’s great in these sweater-blazer’s, b/c she is thin and has great bone structure! But if you have a tuchus, you may want to think twice b/c there is NOT a lot of room in these and haveing a tuchus, or a shelf, make’s them look VERY small.

I had a meeting yesterday with the manageing partner, and he want’s me to sign up for a CLE about becomeing a partner. I am now beginning to worry about this b/c I thought that a partner just means I make a lot of money (YAY!) but there is alot more too it. FOOEY! Look at how this ABA describes the class: FOOEY!!!!

http://apps.americanbar.org/cle/programs/t13enp1.html?sc_cid=CET3ENP-B

Making partner is a wonderful achievement that also comes with a variety of ethical challenges.  This program will help new partners understand professional liability risks and their exposure to these risks.  With a focus on how structure affects a partner’s liability, topics to be addressed are types of partnerships, and personal and vicarious liability in general partnerships, PC, LLC and LLP entities.  Our expert panelists will also share best practices to ensure compliance with the ABA Model Rules of Professional Conduct, specifically duties to prospective clients, scope of representation, fees, and organization as clients; and strategies to limit liability including in the areas of business development, retainer and engagement letters, client communication skills, billing, and responsible discovery practices.

THIS IS Alot more compeicated that I thought. Who know’s about ethical obleigation’s? I don’t do engagement letter’s and the manageing partner handels billeing!

Do I have to know this stuff? I am putting in money, so why should I have risk’s? I do have cleint communication skill’s but that is about it. DOUBEL FOOEY!!!! Should I become a partner or not? Grandma Leyeh says OY!!! I have to think about this now. FOOEY!

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b/c I have to keep my option’s OPEN!

One more step toward commitment to Ellen's partnership. I am still not totally supportive of this, and frankly I think I've earned a say. Dad's politic's and daughter's uncritical ingestion of them continue. 

Meanwhile on the dateing front, she's playing it cool by preparing Engagement Chicken Take 2 for her family + Myrna, and asking Robert to wait on standby, all in anticipation of Philip deigning to call. Nobody could accuse Ellen of being too skeptical, but at this point I'm surprised that no relative, nor even the "appalled" Myrna, has made the inference for Ellen and suggested she cut bait. 

Ellen :

05/20/2013 at 3:24 pm

We MUST follow KAT’s lead on this b/c she is the expert on good styleing and shoe’s. I LOVE the biscotti color and the shorter heels make them useable at work and in court, tho the manageing partner was NOT thrilled when I showed him these b/c he thought the color was to light for court. I told him I am NOT in court every day, and that I MUST be styleish, especialy if I am takeing depo’s here in the office. He said OK, so I can get these! YAY!!!! And I LOVE Ann Taylor, so it will go well with my other Ann Taylor’s! Doubel Yay!!!

Dad is goeing to make a withdrawl for my partnership advance this month from his investement account. He said it is time to take profit’s from Boieng b/c the 787 is now back on track and the price is right. He said he bought at 45 and it is now nearley 100 so he is makeing alot of money on that, tho he said he DOES have to pay capeiteal gain’s. FOOEY he says. He said something about O’bama’s taxes are hurteing the take home amount on this for me. FOOEY on that! FOOEY! b/c he has to sell more share’s then he would have last year. But I said NOT to worry b/c I was NOT to be a partner last year, but I am this year. He agreed and huffed off, but happy that I am goieng to be a partner and abel to influence the direction of the firm! YAY!!!!

Myrna is appalled that Philip is not calling yet, and I refuse to chase him, even tho I am workeing on the chicken dish. I am to go to Mom’s for the holiday weekend and try it with her and dad. I do NOT have any date’s planned for this weekend, and Myrna said she could spend Saturday with me on LI, so she will be there to test the food to! YAY!!!! Robert texted about going fishing, but I cannot with a straght face think of him and fishing, b/c he had fish in his teeth at the Seder, and he smell’s alot like old fish. FOOEY! I told him NOT to make plans yet, b/c I have to keep my option’s OPEN! YAY!

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My firm does NOT even have a websight

I remember hearing that Bernie Ebbers of WorldCom didn't do email either--presumably so as to leave no documentation for liability. The anecdote included the same system of having his secretary deal with all of it, printing whatever messages she thought he should see/deal with personally. Shredding is still an option when that's over. Maybe MP is such a spry white collar lawyer that he's taking cues from the greats?

No surprise that this joke of a firm doesn't have a websight (dashing my hopes of looking it up). But consider the implications for this email address that Ellen has. She can't be ebarshevsky@ManageingLLP.com because there can be no such domain. I'm tempted to list off all the remaining possibilities (if not try messaging each of them), but I'd suspect she's with Yahoo or Hotmail, scrunchie-style.

Ellen :

05/20/2013 at 1:07 pm

I agree…. You want to look smart, but NOT to annoying. My firm does NOT even have a websight, and onley a few peeople have INTERNET ID’s. The manageing partner has an e-mail address, but he does NOT use it and he does NOT even have a computer on his desk. He relie’s on LYNN to monitor his e-mail and to respond to any that come in for him.

I have my own E-mail b/c I am alway’s sending in breif’s to the Court and I communiceate alot with OPPOSEING counsel. I think that when we get new space, it will be wired for INTERNET, but for now we ONLY have DSL, which is SLOW. FOOEY. I have better conecteievity at home with my MacBook Air and Wireless ROOTER. Mabye we can have a WIRELESS ROOTER at the new office so I can use my MacBook Air without pluggeing in here. DOUBEL FOOEY for now!

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I do NOT want to air my tuchus out

Ellen had had concerns about the lack of seasoning for ENGAGEMENT CHICKEN, and she's taking the high road here while still announcing her own vindication. Recall that this was a trial run for the dinner she was going to make for Philip, to induce a proposal, on the occasion of their second date despite a couple of weeks without any contact at all from him. Garnish is definitely the problem. 

Review: the "boyfreind" lost to Hurricane Sandy was David, who never called to check up on Ellen. He's made quite a few attempts to reconcile since then, but no go.

Ellen :

05/20/2013 at 10:30 am

Yes, but did you see the back of this blazer? Instead of their being a SINGEL or DOUBEL vent, which is mabye OK, this has a CUTOUT where the tuchus is, so that your tuchus is compeltely visible. If you do NOT have a TUCHUS, FINE, but what, like ME, if you do? FOOEY! I do NOT want to air my tuchus out to the WORLD to see. FOOEY!

Grandma Leyeh and I cooked a chicken Friday, but I did NOT like it. It was TOO BLAND. FOOEY! I say next time I COOK IN the garnish item’s. I will have my MOM make it that way in HER oven. Mabye Grandma Leyeh’s oven is NOT hot enough to cook after all these years? I am NOT sure, but it was very BLAHHHH. I would not marry someone who cooked a bland bird like this. FOOEY!

Myrna and I drove out to Long Beach, which is still recovereing from Super Storm Sandie, FOOEY on Sandy. I lost a boyfreind b/c of Sandie, and him NOT calling or texteing me b/c of Sandie. There is still alot of Sand at Long Beach, and some guy’s kept askeing us if we wanted to go get beer’s with them. FOOEY on men that drink! FOOEY! Myrna said no and I agreed. YAY!

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but he is both bald and fat.

Ellen's marriage ruse--pretendeing she will do household work and then pulling the ol' switcheroo once the poor guy is hooked--is still being contemplated, despite Dad's measured success convincing her that she needs to be wide-eyed and timid. 

Ellen :

05/17/2013 at 2:42 pm

YAY!!!! OPEN THREAD’s!!!! I love Open thread’s!!!! And another great pick by Kat with these wedge’s!!! Cute and inexpensive, though DAD says I am far to squat to wear wedge’s, Rosa Can!!!!

As for the OP, absoleutely NOT!!!! NO open toe’s to depo”s or to court. You do NOT want to be a distraction, the manageing partner say’s. He says peeople should be lookeing at your face, not your toe’s. And I agree, b/c in the City, there is a lot of schumutz in the street that if you are weareing OPEN toes, you will step into. FOOEY! So stick to closed toe’s.

As for me, while waitng for Philip to confirm dinner for next week, Myrna and I are goieng to the Beach this weekend, but ONLEY to sit on the Boardwalk. We do NOT want to go in the water yet b/c it is to cold (BRRRRR!!!! says Myrna), even tho she is a tryathlete and I am NOT. Myrna says she know’s a guy who want’s to get married, but he is both bald and fat. One or the other I can take if I have to but NOT both. There are so many bald fat guy’s that want me to date them that I think I am on a special planet for them. I do NOT want to be cruel, but I do NOT want bald children. DOUBEL FOOEY!

Lloyd Blankfein can marry Ellen
because he is bald but not fat

So I am meeting Grandma Leyeh in the Bronx Sunday to cook the Chicken at her place. My oven I am NOT sure it even work’s, b/c I use maineley the microwave for warmeing up take out. Grandma Leyeh will also be teacheing me alot of cookeing tip’s that I can share with Philip so that he thinks I am goieing to be a good homemaker. YAY!!!!! Once we are married, I will probabley cook a little, mabye once or twice a month, but I do NOT intend to be a TV MOM like Mrs. Bradey from the Bradey Bunch. FOOEY! I do NOT want 6 kid’s either. 2 is more then enough for me, and I could NOT imageing haveing Philip for 6 consecutetive kid’s. That would be alot of bedroom activitie’s with an elf. I probabely would not mind if he turned out to have a bank account like the Goldman guy Lloyd Blankfine, but he will NOT so FOOEY on him trying to be makeing so many babie’s with me.

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you will NEVER get a boyfreind if a guy think’s you and youre room mate are haveing sex together

I'm sure this was immensely helpful to the OP, especially the bit about bringing on her own homelessness. I suppose for all Ellen's naivete and obliviousness, she still has a judgmental streak as well. The character is more sentient than sometimes acknowledged, then?

Ellen :

05/17/2013 at 12:29 pm

Yay!! FRUEGEL FRIDAY’s! I love FRUEGEL Friday’s!!!

As for the OP, FOOEY!!!!!! FOOEY!!!!!this is why I NEVER let Alan move in. Imagine shareing an apartement with a Drunk? I did his laundry and he still vomietted all over.

You should NEVER have a man room mate either, even if you are NOT sleepeing together b/c peeople think you are and you will NEVER get a boyfreind if a guy think’s you and youre room mate are haveing sex together. DOUBEL FOOEY!

Grandma Leyeh would disown me for this, and if you have a GRANDMA Leyeh, I think she would also. FOOEY!

What benefit can having a drunk male room mate POSSIBELEY have, I ask?
Once you get eviceted with him, you could wind up homeless, all b/c you choose to live with a drunken male? I say TRIPEL FOOEY! FOOEY! FOOEY! FOOEY! on MEN who drink and want to live with us. FOOEY!

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OMG, this is cutteing it close!

Ellen :

05/15/2013 at 5:48 pm

I agree with you, but not for me. I would just LOVE to find a pencil skirt with a LITTEL more room in the tuchus. Right now, they don’t exist in my size, and there is NO way I could spend money on a suit with a pencil skirt that is to tight for my tuchus. FOOEY!

Thank’s to the HIVE for suggesteing the Engagement Chicken. YAY!!!!! I am showeing my mom and Grandma Leyeh and I am sure to try this b/c I am VERY superciticious and I need to get MARRIED and have a baby in just over a year. OMG, this is cutteing it close! I hope I get Philip or another guy if he does NOT “step up to the plate” — but NOT like Jim with his dumb baseball hat on backward’s! I need a man, not a schumuck! DOUBEL FOOEY!

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or I am goieing to make a bad CHICKEN and PHILIP will NEVER MARRY ME

HOW WILL THIS BE RESOLVED?????? THE SUSPENSE IS UNBARRABLE!!!!!!!

Ellen :

05/16/2013 at 3:08 pm

These are GREAT pump’s if you can spare the extra money! Yay if you can!!!!

Thank’s again for the “Engagement Chicken” recipe from Glamour Magazine, but there is ONE thing neither ME nor Grandma Leyeh understand. The receipe call’s for FRESH HERBS FOR GARNISH (4 rosemary sprigs, 4 sage sprigs, 8 thyme sprig’s and 1 bunch flat-leaf parsley).

http://www.glamour.com/magazine/2006/07/engagement-chicken

What do you do with these HERB’s?????? Grandma Leyeh says NOTHING, you don’t cook with them, just put them on at the END, as GARNISH, but I say why have them if you cannot cook them into the CHICKEN?????

Without cookeing them, you only are useing lemon, salt and pepper. That, I think will make for a VERY BLAND chicken. If you want to have a guy MARRY you, I think it has to be spieced up, possibley with these items that are “GARNISH”.

Do you cook these GARNISH items in or NOT? I say YES, Grandma Leyeh say’s no, and I am the one that MUST get married.

HELP!!!!!!

Can someone coment on this? PLEASE, or I am goieing to make a bad CHICKEN and PHILIP will NEVER MARRY ME. FOOEY!!!!

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• January :

  05/16/2013 at 5:40 pm
  Well, Ellen, you don’t want him to think you’re TOO spicy, do you?
  Reply

I never am goeing to get MARRIED if I am to assertive

Very abruptly, Ellen has backed off from her unapologetic first-date checklist for Philip and chastened into more like what Dad would have wanted to marry (that legendary catch, he). 

I almost think Ellen was specifically trolling for the Engagement Chicken recipe here--she was so pointed about the magical meal that induces a proposal. I was wondering if it would work even on a second date, but since the preamble suggests the effect may be delayed, I suppose it's never too early to try. Thanks, Francie Nolan! If we get Grandma Leyeh's marriage-incentive bonus it may be all to your credit.

Ellen :

05/15/2013 at 10:00 am

I love this Blazer, and I love Macy’s, but I have to start to be fruegel to impress Philip. My dad told me that he think’s that I never am goeing to get MARRIED if I am to assertive, and that I need to take a lesson from Mom, who managed to get DAD to marry her. He suggested that Mom was abel to get him to marry her b/c she was a great cook, and that the way to his heart was thru his stomich. I knew I heard this before, but now I have to listen. Mom told me she would teach me how to cook a great meal from scratch, either turkey with fixing’s or pot roast, which is what hooked dad. Grandma Leyeh has other idea’s b/c she knows mom is a great cook, but not as good as she is. So anyway, I have to get some recipe’s from BOTH and start testing them first with MYRNA, b/c I have to convince Philip to marry me b/c I will make a good wife and mother for OUR children and run the house hold for us while he work’s at Merrill Lynch. Ed says if Rosa can do it, so can I and he knows that Philip is a guy who just like’s his life quiet. I will have to learn to be less bossy around him if he MARRIES me, but right NOW, I need cooking idea’s to make him MARRY me. Has anyone in the hive figured out what meal’s to cook to make there boyfreind MARRY them? Right NOW, he is NOT even a boyfreind, so I have along way to go. FOOEY! I want to get the $50,000 from Grandma Leyeh, and do NOT have alot of time.

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• Francie Nolan :

  05/15/2013 at 12:09 pm
  Ellen Try making Engagement Chicken IT WORKS!!!

  http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=engagement%20chicken%20recipe&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&sqi=2&ved=0CDYQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.glamour.com%2Fmagazine%2F2006%2F07%2Fengagement-chicken&ei=9bKTUej-LYyN0QHQlICQCQ&usg=AFQjCNGLjVFx2NNhR9E8ZXhnNfDgpmX8yg&bvm=bv.46471029,d.dmQ
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a swarm of looser’s all wanted to show me around

Sorry for the backlog of post's--I should be catching up today. I've been busy tending to my fitbit, Crumb's, Ann Klein scrunchies etc.

Note that Ellen got out of wasting her JD on a lifetime of oooogleing by maintaining her crucial ties with MP. Rock solid reasoning as alway's!

Ellen :

05/16/2013 at 11:07 am

Great Jacket, KAT! I hope to be skinney enough to wear the one I have!!! FOR THE OP, I got into my job by accidedent! I did NOT even know what WC law was when I bumped into the manageing partner in an elevator. I had a crappy job as a process server, and was tryieng to find a company to serve the process to when I struck up a conversation with him, and he saw something in me that he liked! So all of a sudden, I found myself with a choice. Keep up my contact with the manageing partner for a potential new job after the BAR, or keep hunting for other job’s where the men onley wanted to date me, not hire me. Because my dad told me that he did NOT send me to law school to be some guy’s eye-candy (or to be some old guy’s sugar mama), I decided to keep up with the manageing partner, so that after the BAR, he gave me a FULL TIME job as a litiegator, doing mostley Workman’s Compensation defense law. I think I kind of fell into this, b/c I was NOT even abel to find a law school class that would REALY teach me this stuff, and beside’s, almost all of the law profesor’s at GW did not do this kind of law. They were mostley constituional scholar’s, and many were interested in working on the HILL. FOOEY! I did NOT want to work on the HILL, b/c most times I went there, a swarm of looser’s all wanted to show me around, and I did NOT like these guy’s all over me. DOUBEL FOOEY!

So see what you like, and then see if you can find a manageing partner to mentor you, like I did. YAY! He is very good to me. You should make sure to ask if you can also have a clotheing allowance, if you are goieng into court, like me. It pay’s off in the long run. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!

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” I will have my woman take care of it?”

Nice analysis of normative office language. I can definitely, however, picture MP or Dad saying this. It's also noteable that Ellen think's intent matters more than semantics given that senior men's attitudes toward her and views of her proper role are about as denigrating as it gets in 2013 Manhattan. 

Ellen :

05/14/2013 at 3:19 pm

As long as YOU are respectful, the word’s are SECONDARY. The manageing partner often tell’s peeople — refering to me — that “I’ll have Ellen take care of it”. Some peeople would think that is not respecteful of me, calleing me by my first name, but other’s who know us just know that the manageing partner is just bieng freindly by calleing me Ellen, rather than Ms. Barshevsky, which sound’s SOOOOO Formal!!!!! Also, when he talks about Lynn, the office asistant, he some times calls her “the girl”. Lynn does NOT care, and neether do I, b/c she is young and like’s to be thought of as a young adult. What is he suposed to say anyway? ” I will have my woman take care of it?” That sound’s even MORE silly! I think that you MUST consider the audience and the SOURCE of the word’s rather then the word”s themselve’s. If the guy is OK, like the manageing partner, the words do not matter. On the other hand, if he is a jerk, then ANYTHING he says is suspect. FOOEY!

I have to get 2 breif’s into court by 4:30 pm, so I can’t tell you much more, but I have to think of how I am ever goeing to prepare a HOME COOKED MEAL for Philip! HELP!!!!!! I may need to inlist Grandma Leyeh’s help from the BRONX. All she can say now is OY!!!!!!

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I learned to PROJECT MY VOICE LOUDELEY

I have always noted that Ellen's caps usually signify nothing at all, but here it's almost as if she projects her voice in text talking about projecting her voice. Wishing she would upload an audio file of herself reading a coment or two, because "feminine" isn't necessarily what I had imagined from her. 

Ellen :

05/14/2013 at 1:58 pm

This is so true. Because of my feminine voice, I have had alot of troubel estableashing credibility, particulearly over the telephone when negotiateing settelment’s with plaintiffs’ counsel. They AUTOMATICEALLY think I am a little girl, not a licensed attorney admitted and in GOOD standeing to practice in the State Supreme Courts of the State of New York (and Federal Court). That is where I learned to PROJECT MY VOICE LOUDELEY SO THAT THE JUDGE CAN HEAR ME FROM THE BENCH.

No instead, these ATTORNEY boor’s think I can be manipuleated into setteling for alot of money when in fact we have both cleint and insureance carrier’s guideline’s and incentive’s to settel for as LITTLE as possible. In fact, our best cleint’s, like Roberta, just give us standeing instruction’s to settle for anywhere between $0 and $1,400. If they want more then $1,400, she says to tell them “we will see you in court.” That is why I am in court so much! Yay! b/c the judge love’s me in Manhattan, but not so much in Bronx, Queen’s or Brooklyn. That is also why the manageing partner loves me b/c I have brought in alot of new Busines’s in Manhattan where his freind, the judge is. To insure there is NOT ever a confliect of INTEREST, I never go with the manageing partner when he takes the judge out to lunch. This way, the judge only see’s me from AFAR, so that is OK, the manageing partner say’s. Best to keep him lookeing, the manageing partner alway’s tells me. YAY! B/c The manageing partner says my track record is now at 93% on all motion’s before him. YAY!!!!!

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interregateing him to make sure he was marrage material

I greatly enjoy this one. Turns out that Philip is perfectly single and straight. He's just slightly gunshy after Ellen "made clear" her expectations--for which she still refuses to apologize! 

Navigating between The Rules and Penelope Trunk, she's departed egregiously from all of the precious advice thirty-something women need. She's also at a total loss for He's Just Not That Into You and ambivalent about all the missives declaring we should all hurry up and settle already. Finally, she had no idea anything had gone awry whatsoever until Dad relayed the Male Opinion second-hand. I hope she posts on Corporette again in the near future looking for validation for her approach.

Ellen :

05/14/2013 at 11:38 am

I love clotheing that breathe’s, especialy in the summer. I do love the look of the white Cami, b/c it will let me wear a nice jacket but still be cool enough so I will NOT over heat! Frank will stare, but all I can say is FOOEY on him! After all, he is MARRIED so he should NOT have to be stareing at me.

Ed told my dad that Philip will be calling of texteing me this week, but he said Philip is scared of me! Can you imageine? A man beieng scared of me? I did NOT bite him–all we did is eat dinner at a resturant in Mid-Town, and then we each went HOME. Sepereately. No fooleing around, not even a kiss good nite. I do NOT know what he was so scared about. We did talk about our future’s — me about my job and he about his job, and mabye a littel about marrage and children, but to listen to Dad, Ed thought that Philip felt that Iwas interregateing him to make sure he was marrage material. So what if I was? At my age, I do NOT have the energy to pretend I do not care of such thing’s. I think I made clear that I need a man to suport me and the children in Weschester, or Mabye LONG ISLAND where dad lives, but that is NOT so bad. If he was so scared, then he should be. I do NOTneed another Alan, to drink, sleep over, and then have me do his smelley laundrey — Like MOM told me cleaneing his ring around his coller but with NO ring around my finger. DOUBEL FOOEY on that!

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a bald partner and 3 asociate’s all wanted me to date them but I wanted to learn about the law

Interesting--I don't think Ellen has ever before shared that she considered leaving the legal field. 

We also know little to nothing about her first firm job, evidently in DC, because she's said that she was an intern when she met the manageing partner. I had assumed that gig was in NYC, hence running into MP in an elevator, but I suppose it wasn't necessarily. My understanding was also that her boss at that time was MR. FRANK, who was unsavory in his own ways but I didn't think was a lawyer and thus couldn't have been Ellen's previous supervising partner--nor did I think she was working for him as an attorney. I await clarification.

Ellen :

05/14/2013 at 10:15 am

I think this is a GREAT IDEA! I often thought of leaveing the practice of law (or more like NOT starteing at all), when thing’s looked bad for me before I met the manageing partner. I had a bad summer expiereience at a goverment agency, then I took a job at a BIG DC firm and a bald partner and 3 asociate’s all wanted me to date them but I wanted to learn about the law. They also wanted me to go to sport’s game’s with them and eat, but I was onley goieng to get fat eateing at the arena so I did NOT go more then 4 time’s with them. The partner kept calleing me even tho I did NOT get an OFFER to work there. He kept telleing me that I was on the waiting list, even tho the FIRM did NOT tell me this. I think it was ONLEY b/c he wanted to date me so he strung me along. So I think my runneing into the manageing partner in the summer was a good thing b/c nothing else ever matereialized in DC worth anything. FOOEY on men that streing you along then do NOT deliver on their promise’s! Alan did that too. Drunken schumuck!

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NOW I know why Betty could not stand Dan

TC, I am also sorry you're in the hospital and hope that Ellen's personalized note to you might bring some comfort. In the event you're also a Mad Men fan, this is almost like having a TV night with her and Myrna, right? 

I need to chew for a while on how Ellen's father's view of the world measures up with Mad Men. Neither he nor MP is smooth enough to be a Roger, but they're also too old and unattractive to be anyone else (except perhaps Bert). Wives who don't really count as people sitting around homes in the NY suburbs, however...of which Ellen aspire's to become one, of course...

Ellen :

05/13/2013 at 4:23 pm

Yes, I am also VERY sorry you are in hospital. FOOEY! Get well soon!!!!! If you are BORED and havent already started, I recomend that you watch all the MAD MEN episode’s!!! They are so cool, and I love Dan Draper! It is all about the 1960′s and MY dad say’s it is all VERY true to life. My dad think’s I am like Betty, but she is to nourotic for me, and she also is a brunette now. Personaly I think I am like Don’s new wife–altho NOT a blond like me, she is very French and very talented at work also! And Dan is so good with her, except I will NEVER understand how he can cheat on her with the DOCTORS’ WIFE! WHAT DOES HE SEE IN HER????? FOOEY ON MEN THAT ARE NOT TRUE TO US! I will NEVER marry a man who I think will cheat on me! FOOEY on that! DOUBEL FOOEY b/c I will never be able to sleep with him again! NOW I know why Betty could not stand Dan. FOOEY!

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• TCFKAG :

  05/13/2013 at 8:14 pm
  OMG – an ELLEN responsE! Oh.Em.Gee!!!!
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lighteing a fire under Philip’s TUCHUS

Yes, in my experience pressure and shaming always work to make a man fall in love, propose and impregnate promptly. All my money is on Ellen's plan. 

Ellen :

05/13/2013 at 2:09 pm

Where is the TJ MAX in Manhattan? I want to get a grey PAIR also, but do NOT want to spend to much money on them! Is there a TJ MAX in Manhattan?

Rosa called and said that Ed talked with Philip. He chewed him out — or in Ed’s word’s he is goeing to be “lighteing a fire under Philip’s TUCHUS” to call me! YAY! B/c I do NOT want to have to chase him. I want him to come to ME. I want him to want to date ME. I want him to want to MARRY ME. I want him to want to have children with ME and live in a big house in the subburb’s with ME and our CHILDREN! YAY!!! He has along way to go b/f he get’s there, but if he has a condo in NYC worth so much money, then he sureley has the capability of supporting ME!!!!! YAY!!!!!

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but he know’s peeople that I do NOT

I'm calling this Two Premature Resolutions--and not surprisingly, both can be blamed on Mr. Barshevsky and his impenetrable authority and overconfidence.

1) Dad's buying in for Ellen's partnership by the end of next month? Somehow I had hoped someone would exercise healthier skepticism, and thought we had until Xmas for that to happen. Does he even know she recently got an outside offer and isn't leveraging it at all? 
2) Philip will "apologize" for being "mousey" and all is forgiven because he lives alone? Myrna's theory was that he has a girlfriend--not a wife--and no matter who Dad hired to snoop around I am not satisfied on this point as of now. (NB: Vincent Kutza says Philip must be gay, for who else could resist Ellen's wiles?)

Ellen :

05/13/2013 at 11:33 am

It is FINE. I realy dont know what the thing is with 18, but whatever, it is FINE! I LOVE the blazer, but way to low cut for me and FRANK would be stareing at me. It is also to pricey for me, even if I COULD wear it to work, which I can NOT. FOOEY!

I had a NICE mother’s day with MOM and Dad was very complementeary to me for a change, even tho I ate almost all of the ALMOND cookie’s. I simply can NOT find almond cookie’s in the CITY useing the almond paste that MOM use’s. YAY mom! I even brought 5 home to the city for MYRNA, b/c she LOVES them also. Dad said that I was slackeing off on the fitbit last week, but he know’s that 8 pound’s is all I have to loose before the summer, and I have OVER a month to do that. He warned me that everyone in the Hamton’s will be looking at MYRNA, but NOBODY at me if my tuchus does NOT shrink quickly. I said I was workeing on it.

Dad told me that Philip live’s alone in his apartement, and that it is a condominum worth about $700,000. Yay! I am NOT sure how he got this information so quick, but he know’s peeople that I do NOT. He also say’s that Philip has a car (YAY!), so if we do date, he can take me shopping to New JERSEY on Sunday’s—I love PYRAMUS MALL, or else he can take me to Nordstrom’s b/c I LOVE Nordstrum’s.

Dad said he would make my 2013 Capital COUNTRIBUTION to the Manageing Partner BEFORE 6/30 so that I will be entitled to a 50% share for 2013 next year after Partnership share’s are computed. He warned me that my tax return’s are goeing to get more complecated and that I would need a separate CPA person to do this b/c Dad does NOT want to have to do this degree of auditeing at his age. He said that if I married a CPA, I could kill 2 bird’s with one shot. I told him the last CPA I dated was a drunk, and probabely could NOT figure out the Partnershep arrangment that Dad put together for me. YAY DAD. Now I know he will continue to help me, but he REALY want’s me MARRIED to a guy like ED, who he say’s does ABSOLEUTELY EVERYTHING for ROSA (other then Child Birth, that is).

M0m was happy b/c Rosa came out with the BABY, tho Ed was stuck in Chapeaqua baby siting and doeing something for work. I think he is embarased that Philip is so mousey but he say’s Philip is goeing to apologize! YAY!!!!!

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[Weekend Smorrgu'sboard]

I'll be the first to say that this collection of coment's from yesterday is a little unusual. No narrative of her own; she's just replying to others while bringeing in a few personal notes. Still it seems a little caricatured. Too much afternoon coffee or something? 

I know better than to bother alleging fakery, but especially the highlighted segment of Post #2 below is suspicious. Philip has been called out as an elf and at this point seems unlikely even to be single--the ambition to marry him specifically is thus a few weeks out of date. Hmmmmn...

Ellen :

05/10/2013 at 5:35 pm

Why? As long as you did not sleep with him, who cares? He may not care or even remember you! GO AND DON’T BE SILLY! now it’s YOU THATneed’s to find a HUSBAND! Yay! I love open threads!!!!

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Ellen :

05/10/2013 at 5:42 pm

Now is the time for you to look for a guy to MARRY YOU! That is a far better way for you to sound off! Once you Re MARRIED, you won’t be so worried. I am goeing to get PHILIP or some other guy to marry me so I can collect from Grandma Leyeh! YAY!!!!!!

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Ellen :

05/10/2013 at 5:56 pm

We bill for EVERYTHING, even our snacks from crumbs. The ONLEY rule is that we must talk business at least once every 15 minutes, even for 20 seconds. Yesterday, we all sat in the conferenece room talking about boat’s and summer vacation’s for 2 hours! We even had lunch brought in b/c it was raining to hard to go out. The Manageing partner told all 7 of us to bill back 100% of our time to our WORST cleint and he would bill the lunch to one of his Cleint’s.

I have no TROUBEL billeing. 3100 hours each year even tho I onley work less then 1200 hours in real time. Yay!!!!! The Manageing partner calls me the prettiest billeing machine east of the Misippi river!!!!! Yay!!!

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