by the time he figure’s that out, you will be MARRIED!!!!! YAY!!!!

This is pretty subversive stuff for Ellen (para. 3). Usually she is neither sharp enough nor progressive enough to advocate something like...trickeing a man into marrying you by pretending you'll tend to domestic duties when you intend no such thing. I like it. I can maybe picture Elle advice columnist Auntie EEE suggesting this course of action, in that signature style by which you can't tell whether/to what extent she's kidding.

Ellen :

04/18/2013 at 3:43 pm

When I moved from my home to NYC (the first place), my dad paid the MOVER’s alot. Plus, I gave them $50 each as a tip X3 peeople =$150 tip. But when I moved from my flee infested place to my new apartement, I threw out alot of stuff, and got new furnisheing’s, so I did NOT have to pay mover’s. I did NOT take the junk that Grandma Leyeh had given me — b/c I had a new place I did NOT want to have stuff from the 1950′s in my place, plus there was mice in the old place and I did NOT want any droppeings to be carried in.

So I sent alot of laundrey home — my mom did it, and then my dad brought it to my new apartement. Then I got some new stuff from Grasious Home and West Elm and some other places, which My dad picked out for me, and a new TEMPUR PEDIC matress that did NOT have any traces of ALAN (FOOEY), so I could start fresh.

If you want to start fresh, start LIGHT, and do NOT move old ratty stuff in that you will not like. Also, you should NOT want any mice droppeings or worse in your new apartement. This way, any man who see’s it will think you are an impeckeable house keeper, even tho you do NOT do any house cleaneing or laundrey, and by the time he figure’s that out, you will be MARRIED!!!!! YAY!!!!

Reply