Ellen has elsewhere stated that she is 5'5" or even 5'7". Is osteoporosis kicking in already? At any rate, grudging thank's to VINCENT KUTZA (see comments) for directing me to this post, which came up late and might otherwise have been missed. Evidently/hopefully, this was his parting gift to me and my websight, perhaps in recompense for many less welcome contributions.
PS: As of today, Ellen must be one year older! This birthday should be 32 or 33, from what we know.
Confirming that Ellen's birthday is either tomorrow or Sunday. I'd love to know which, but we'll see if she can post amid the hubbub of the new niece/nephew. The steakhouse outing is familiar as an Ellen birthday celebration; hopefully Myrna will make some to-do as well.
We're back to a very wide and colorful mural of potential futures, perhaps occasioned by Rosa's family growing and thoughts about roads not taken. Prospective jobs, alternate living situations, Ed as some kind of husband prototype.
UPDATE, see below: While Ellen is unavailable this weekend due to Rosa's probable delivery, associates have been trying to contact her. While the manageing partner has never posted since his debut last fall, Mr. Barshevsky was channeled for the first time today. Blogger responsible, would you like to share your thinking about this?
In perhaps more sunshine-y news, Vinnie-turned-Vincent-turned-Vincent Kutza (Google does nothing with the name) has now registered his resignation not only on Corporette, but also in a lengthy comment on this post. It seems he's tired of aimlessly pursuing Ellen, and moreover no longer certain she's worth it. This makes immaculate sense to me, bro! Your comments here frequently surpassed my dirtiness threshold, and as I have said many times I infinitely prefer the input of your female colleagues, dried-up hags though they may be. Depart in peace, Mr. Kutza. But if the Sunshine Girls wish to come back now, on condition of this site being cleansed of your crudeness, they are welcome to do so. I hope you find an internet babe more worthy of your attentions, and whose cult-following personal blogger is willing to give you her contact info.
"He better sow up" is a nice Freudian typo since this urgency is all about the planting of seeds.
And Ellen has finally acknowledged that her birthday is hard upon us.
Tomorrow is Rosa's due date, so we're all on the edge of OUR seat's. Unclear whether Ellen is responding to Robert's texts at all.
I'm playing catch-up, as you can see. Pardon.
Add vermin infestation to the list of things wrong with M&M LLP's current offices. Also, take my severely technologically hampered poll, to your right! I won't give up even if everyone has to vote 3 times...
We've never known much about Ellen's political views, such as they are, and she's made great show of not having opinions and not voting in the past. But for what we do know, this is pretty consistent: vague fiscal conservatism inherited from the revered brain of Dad. What surprises me more is Alan's alleged socialism. Granted, it sounds like she's using this unsympathetic character as a way to make fun of liberal's. But if anything--especially given his own history of internet commenting--I thought he'd be the more conservative of the two.
2nd paragraph: the first actual update on Alan that we've heard for a long time. I wonder who this was "heard" from.
When it becomes too implausible that ALL of Ellen's admirers would have male-pattern baldness, it turns out that at least one of them is hairless by choice. Foul breathe is preserved as a theme unmodified, however.
One more time: Ellen's birthday is supposed to be in the month of March, so we're running out of days for it to take place...
Depressing, really. I like thinking about this rehearsal mirror run, though...I want footage.
"We will see" on Rosa's upcoming due date whether Ellen's marriage and motherhood are imminent. Maybe someone new is about to come buzzeing in?
And she is indeed takeing at least 2 days off this week for Passover.
The imagery of matza ball soup making some 12-24 hour direct, traceable journey from stomach to azz should feel more laughable than it does.
Make sure you take my new poll, BTW! As I mentioned at the time, vote counts sometimes go down and I still have no idea how that is happening...
Our journey began one year ago today, ELLENWatchers. YAY!!!! Looking back at the inaugural post for the first time, I expected to feel a lot of mission creep had set in over time, but in fact I feel more like, "yep, that's [still] about the size of it."
I want to thank all my reader's once again for playing along! Your enthusiasm + futility may not quite match my own, but I do appreciate the company.
Finally, in honor of the occasion I am running a new poll (see upper right corner). We have seen that, albeit indirectly and with long delays, Ellen does take requests with her posting. Now that I'm firmly established as the global authority and clearinghouse on this topic, I feel ready to experiment with the request function on a grand scale, and see if en masse we can actually influence the trajectory of Ellen's story.
I'm asking you what you think should happen to Ellen by the time this blog reaches its 2nd birthday. All of the outcome options are prospects raised by Ellen more than once, so to nudge her narrative toward a bit more direction let's see how the numbers shake out in terms of preferences, and then in turn (gulp) whether she will oblige us. I will let you know, and of course will also let Ellen know, what the HIVE think's should be made of her life (at least in the near term).
FREINDS ON THIS WEBSIGHT for ONE HOLE YEAR!!!!!
ELLENWatch
UPDATE: The vote count is going down as well as up! WHAT is going on????? Are people actually taking back votes, or are they being lost? This is very troubling since views and votes are so disparate in number. FOOEY!
"Baltimore law"? I thought Ellen was doing the absolute minimum on the MD case, especially since the local affiliate there hasn't made her particularly welcome.
Suddenly the scope of storytelling has extended backward, chronologically, though it's nice to know precisely how much Ellen billed last year. "The next thing you know" stuff is largely 2012--when Jim and Roberta were new cleint's--and while weight gain was definitely the trend over the past 6-11 months, more recently it's apparently being falling off by the stone every time Ellen even thinks about her Fitbit.
She does in fact plan to take some time off this week, for Passover. Hopefully those plans go forward uninterrupted by the doofus in Baltimore or others.
The three-character drama in Paragraph 3 is fairly well executed here, especially the final dialogue of conducter's pithy pronouncement and Ellen's closing as narrator. Speaking of threes, I wonder if TRIPEL FOOEY refers to the smelly trifecta: Alan, Frank, and the gassy train passenger.
Hopefully Ellen will post a link to her forthcoming publication at some point. I was not contacted for proofing.
For the first time, we hear of Rosa's "kid's," plural. This is as close as we've ever come to firming up that both of Ellen's nieces are indeed offspring of Rosa. At 25, being on at least #3 is pretty prolific!
I love the miscellany of Ellen's four questions--3 redundant/overlapping and entirely predictabel, the fourth suddenly bringing up one of the many potential career paths Ellen has mentioned wanting to pursue.
So she went back on the road to deal with this MD cleint so reluctantly won for the firm. For review, again, the "attorney in Baltimore" is some local-advice affiliate through MP, and his workeing relationship with Ellen got off to a fairly rocky start.
The count on Os is up to four, meanwhile (fourth line from bottom). I wink back at you, whomever you are!
I don't know what to think. Yesterday's posts came up very late and were threadbare to say the least. Usually Ellen errs on the side of warning that she won't be posting much but then keeping up right on schedule, rather than what we've seen today and yesterday: no mention of time constraints or tech problems, but also next to no material.
I'm planning to initiate a new poll soon regarding the direction of Ellen's narrative, so perhaps it comes nary a moment too soon? Please stay tuned, monotonous as it may be right now...
And later:
Declining creativity. Unless this is major buildup for some pre-planned twist in the plot.
(It better be.)
I do wonder what may crawl out of the city gutters as the weather starts to heat up. NERDY GUY, I have not given up on you! Please materialize once again, and be unmarried!
Especially with the fitbit being mentioned in the post, I expected a COMENT along these lines. Paragraph 2: it's interesting to know what Ellen reject's on aesthetic grounds. I don't generally find her very discriminate on such things, but in this case it's probably the right call. While we're at it: let the record show she's evidently a silver girl, rather than gold.
Has Myrna's birthday (and gift receipt) taken place yet? More importantly, what about Ellen's own?
I hope the OP is comforted by hug's from Ellen (this is the first time she's given 'em out, yes?) and of course the assurance I borrowed for this post's title. Maybe I'll put it on a post-it for my mirror. A spelling error would be a nice touch, though.
This snapshot of Dad's mentorship during the college years is an interesting blend of endearing consolation, manipulative validation (soon to be followed by near-abuse, both relating to Ellen's supposed attractiveness), and pathological denial that women have to worry about any professional qualifications beyond fetchingness.
Is a whole soda bread alot?
The term "ooogle" is back, and with three Os rather than two. I never stopped using it, but Ellen did take a brief break.
Myrna's forthcoming gift is the bear stud earrings recommended on Corporette this week, and speaking of the stock market we now have an occupation and specific, real employer for Ed! He is now the only character other than NERDY GUY to have some professional background with an identifiable, extant organization. If Dad take's the job at Duke that will be #3.
Myrna is presumably shopping for a gift for Ellen because the latter's birthday is this month (I don't have the day as of yet).
The standard, with a news-hook twist. What I do learn here is that Dad has a PhD. This makes the apparent job offer at Duke a little more logical, but we still need more info.
What a roundup of recommendations from Ellen! Again, I am impressed that the numbering proceeds correctly all the way through. This must be her strong suit in formatting (or, alternatively, she used the Wizard in Word and pasted in?)
New insights into Alan's physique: at this point we have a small and wormy body with a fat head and neck, with red face, on top. Finally, I like the idea of MP walking around with the Fitbit and all of the data still uploading to the site that Mr. Barshevky monitors. I didn't know Ellen would be abel to game even the simplest of systems, but if I read the last lines here correctly it was her idea before it was mine.
Fascinating backstory here on the giddy romance that gave way to MP's now-classic marriage arrangement: Margie has apparently been an expensive proposition from the very beginning, when she was in fact someone else's wife! I was already curious about whether MP had any previous marriages (i.e. which kids are biologically whose) but the idea that Margie may have started out as an affair is even more intriguing.
I'd love to see him indirectly advise someone about how to hedge their position in a marriage to someone exceptionally shady, but reader's at this point probably know better than to seek wisdom through Ellen.
And we're back to saying that Ellen has hired a cleaning lady. Originally she had (subject to fridge raids), then more recently she never had, due to the cost.
Sometimes even I think the same, Ellen.
So Dad has some previous connection to Duke as well. Maybe he did one degree there, alongside the one at MIT? Or he's a career instructor and this was one of his earlier stops?
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