Enjoy the highlights I've prepared for you, reader's, but here's your crib:
- Ellen's mother's weight gain evidently has not been as bad as Dad (or Ellen herself) has suggested at times. Not sure how anyone could have had 30 lbs. to lose from her tuchus while being a size 6, but the Barshevskys are all exceptional I suppose.
- She and Alan were still together as of March 24, 2011. This is consistent with my working knowledge of their breakup time, but I could still use more specificity.
- "Ellen's sister" here post's that the lady is 5'7", but she herself has told us elsewhere that she's only 5'5". I'm inclined to stick with the conservative figure on this, though the clean writing of this alleged relative lends some credibility.
- Background on Alma Federer: here she is pointed out by Kirstie previously; here's all-but-certain testimony that she's a Sunshine Girl; here's ancient tracings of her presence on Bitter Lawyer.
This is ELLENWatch!
51 Responses to “51 Thrilling Ways to Seduce Your Man”
- Ellen Says:March 9th, 2011 at 6:38 pmI do NOT want to seduce a man, I want a man who will MARRY me. Their is a diference. Men want what they CANT’ Get, so if I do not sleep with them, they will want to MARRY me.
- Alma Federer Says:March 10th, 2011 at 9:36 amI have to agree with the logic of Ellen. Men are generally pigs, but hungry pigs are more responsive than those who have been fed. The same goes for sex. If you deny it, they will do more to get it, and if you don’t give it, the men will nearly burst trying to get it.That is why we must keep strong, deny our own carnal urges, and resist the advances of men that just want to empty their jizm on and in us. If Ellen draws the line at marriage, that is her right. I personally do not like sex, but will allow someone who I think is marriage material to release their bodily fluids on me, but not in me.That is why I have never gotten pregnant, even after having sex more than 7 times.
- Pig seeks marriage Says:March 10th, 2011 at 5:47 pmOK. Ellen is the old Alma, “fooey on you” and all. “Alma” at 9:36, can’t really be the old Alma, who would never demean herself with the term “jizm.” Must be one of the old BL people masquerading as Alma. Probably the guy that used to refer to women as “broads.”So Ellen, there is definitely a very slim chance I will marry you if you come to California, sleep with me for three months and prove yourself worthy (by being good enough so I want you to stay after 3 months). In return I promise you use of your own Mercedez S class, (an older one though), residence 5 blocks from the beach and you won’t have to work. You must be under age 39, at least 5’6,” not more than 115 lbs, (125 if 5’9″), have at least shoulder length hair and meet other requirements.
- Ellen Says:March 21st, 2011 at 8:06 pmI also would like a NEW post.I have alot of good ideas I am wiling to share, but I will NOT share these until I can be ensured that I have the right peeple reading this post.When I was a college junior everyone wanted to date me, and men were always stareing at my chest. That continues until this day. When will men stop stareing at me?
- JP Says:March 22nd, 2011 at 8:45 amThe sad thing is that I prefer reading any posts by the man posting as Ellen than I do reading Bill’s comments.Any by “prefer” I mean that I would prefer to have just one of my toes cut off rather than my entire foot.
- Ellen Says:March 22nd, 2011 at 11:22 amThis man is silly calling me a man. It is probabley the same man as the one critizing the others on this web site. Real Men are not stareing at me all of the time, but I will not go out with any men who do nothing but stare at me. I want a man with a good job who I can depend on and who will marry me and take care of me and the children we have so that they can be brought up by BOTH of us. I want a man who is NOT afraied to do laundry, and change the dipers on the baby. I do NOT think you are that man, so fooey on you if you think I would allow myself to auditon for you and your imagenary friend.
- Ellen Says: March 24th, 2011 at 6:09 pmI do not understand also. You should KNOW that I already have a BOYFRIEND, Alan, and that he already is interested in me. The only TROUBEL is that he will not MARRY ME.If I am going to LOOK for a date and start all over, ugh, that would be TERRIBLE, but I perfer Accountant’s. They have education, and are NOT snobby like Men Lawyers. But I want to get MARRIED.I am NOT interested in Bill. He sounds funny, but he probabley is not going to be there once I get to be a “elephant”. I can say that my mother is 63 years old and she STILL is a size 6. NOT an elephant. Sorry.
- Pig Says:March 25th, 2011 at 11:36 amEllen, ellen, ellen: feminism empowred women to make choices they are not equipped to make. Like who to sleep with and marry.You want a man to marry you who won’t marry you. You hope with no basis other than your blind persistence that he’ll “change” but as even bucktooth Bill knows, Alan is laughing at you every day; he plans to leave you for someone younger when your wrinkles start. (He told me).What is it about “no I won’t marry you” that you don’t understand? Accountants also have bad breath, and are going to be outsourced to India where you’ll have to wash camels for food (because Bill will be passed out in the hut you share with three other famileis).The smart choice –and it won’t be available much longer-is to hook up with me. True, I am a bit older but there is definitely a very slim chance that I will give you a clear yes or no answer on marriage after 6 months of diligent servicing of me by you, but you have to impress me in that time. If I croak you’ll be well off.The other choice is obviously to get Beer-Burping Bill drunk in Vegas and drag him, his sweaty unwashed bib-overalls and all, to a drive thru chapel. Then you’ll have a double wide for life. He may even have an old 8 track tape player. Just don’t let him stay out too long with “the boys.”This escape for you won’t be available much longer. If you get too old, you’ll be waiting tables and perfomring at seedy strip clubs. Ugh.
- JP Says: March 25th, 2011 at 3:56 pmYou know, I just like the phrase “snobby like Men Lawyers”.Pretty good, Male Troll Of Unknown Age Posting as Ellen.
- Bill Says:March 25th, 2011 at 7:33 pmYou dudes don’t know me and I have a sense of humour. But I have to warn you that if either of you two dudes do marry Ellen, you will be faced with the situation in this joke. Sure, she probably is pretty now, but give her a few years and you are talking D.A.W.G.....
- Not a Lawyer Says:March 29th, 2011 at 10:47 amEllen,“but I perfer Accountant’s. They have education, and are NOT snobby like Men Lawyers. ”I’d like to know from which pool you’re selecting your accountants? Most of the ones I know are snooty and cheap….maybe that’s why the guy doesn’t want to buy you a ring? Move on, hon. Marry a man that loves you more.
- Pig Says:March 29th, 2011 at 7:42 pmYeah Ellen: That’s the reason there’s never been TV shows called “LA Accountants,” “Accountants & Order,” or Accountants Anatomy.”
- Ellen Says:March 30th, 2011 at 5:01 amI have alot of experience with accountant’s. They get a CPA degree and are licensed , and that means they have a good credential to carry with them if they loose their job.I want a man that loves me and adores me and will do everything I want, and I will be that way for that man also. That is LOVE. I do NOT want to have sex with men who just want to move on. In law school, all the men liked to stare at me and asked me for sex. They were NOT interested in any kind of a relationship longer than mabye a couple of weeks. Other women who had sex with these men wound up getting dumped a few weeks later. So I did NOT want to have sex with law students.Now that I am working, it is very much similiar. The manageing partner at my law firm always wants me to sit with him, and he loves to take me to lunch. I do NOT enjoy that he is stareing at my breasts all of the time. And he is MARRIED. So that is why I like accountant’s. They may not be perfect, but they have a CPA degree. If their are nice CPA’s out there, they can date me.
- Pig Says:March 31st, 2011 at 10:58 amTrue, “Ellen” writes like an english as a second language east german border guard dressed in a potato sack and convinced that every capitalist pig is consumed wiht lust for her. But she seems to be the only alleged woman that Bill hasn’t scared away.
- Ellen's Sister Says: March 31st, 2011 at 11:14 amThe men here making fun of my sister are the louts that will never enjoy her company in or out of bed. For your information, she is five-seven, and very attractive. men turn to look at her on the street. She works out daily and her biggest problem is that she is too deferential to men, especially professsional men. Lawyers are the people she works with and they hit on her relentlessly. She has larger than average breasts although not disgustingly large ones, and men stare at her chest as she says. I think she likes accountants because they seem too nervous too stare at her, too shy to hit on her and so she gets some respite from the lacivious stares. She does not like Jersey Shore and considers it low class. She wrinkles her nose and says “low class.” She likes art, football, and ice skating, and worked in law school to help me pay for school (I am an accountant). That’s why her grades were not good enough to get her into a really good firm. But she works for a decent one now. She also donates money to poor students. She used to lay on the couch in our small apartment in law school with her boyfriend and laugh and watch football. But she is not wealthy and needs to work. But she dresses well and i think lots of men think she has family money. She clearly wants to get married and is a catch I think. she does not like really rich men since they are arrogant. when she is on a date, will ignore passes by other guys since she is loyal to the man on the date with her. Its amazing how men blow their chances with a woman like that. Bill is a pig and Pig is a pig and so is “anonymous.”
- JP Says:March 31st, 2011 at 1:11 pmI see this soap opera is moving in a different direction.
- Not a Lawyer Says:April 1st, 2011 at 9:18 amI love that the female contributors on this blog are so burdened by their insane hotness, they have to bring it to the comments section...
- Ellen Says:April 1st, 2011 at 5:20 pmI am ofended by those who are jelous of us just because we are very attractive to men. There are alot of web sights that have pretty women just like me that have to put up with men that stare at our breasts, even if we do try and be fashonable. Like my friend, Lanie.http://fa-lo-me.com/2011/03/31/3428/#commentsI chalenge any man to find women who are any better than we are, even without a law degree. Fooey on you peeple for making us sound dumb.
- Ellen's Sister Says:April 5th, 2011 at 10:06 amI think I am now so repelled by “Bill,” that i will never be able to date a man with that name. I’d sooner sleep in Raw sewage, piled excrement, or submit to a sweaty first year law student than be touched by someone named Bill, just on the off chance that he might be this exerable man.Then there is Bl3y who hasn’t matured since he saw the movie “Private Parts,” and probably snickered in class when anyone said “penis.”I may have to give JP or Pig or both a night to remember just to reward them for not being Bill, or Bl3y.
- Ellen Says: April 5th, 2011 at 2:16 pmWell, i AM sorry sister. Bl3Y and I are madly in love. Fooey on you. He is real man who KNOWS what a woman wants. What we do in the privacy of our own bedroom or the bathroom in Wendy’s is no one’s business BUT our own.
- Ellen's Sister Says:April 6th, 2011 at 10:07 amGee, sis, there are none of your usual typos, and your post is not faithful to your last description of bL3y as an “overexcited, blubbery man wih bad breath, blemish marks” and as “one of those men that thinks buying a budweiser impresses a woman used to Cristal.” BL3y, are you the only man over 30 thats still reads playboy?
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