just a ROBOSIGNER the manageing partner says

Sometimes Ellen uses workplace lingo just adeptly enough that I suspect these things are actually happening, that MP really said such-and-such, etc. 

Anyway, by far the most significant item here is that evidently Ellen's partnership deal is prepared to be finalized after her stellar review at the end of this year. MP was bargained down a whole half of the initial buy-in amount, and it sounds like that seals Ellen's decision to stay on. But do we have questions about the compleicated earning's target's and related contingeincees? To start: is the target a precondition for Ellen actually becoming/staying partner, or if it isn't hit does she suddenly owe the other 50% (or more?) at a given time before n+5 years in order to keep her title? Did Dad have any idea what he was talking about when he set these benchmarks? And why was MP willing to bend anyway, especially if this is the Barshevsky victory we're supposed to take it for?

Ellen :

04/30/2013 at 3:31 pm

Wedge’s make me look even SHORTER then I am, I think b/c of the fact that there is NOT a tall shapeley HEEL but a WEDGE. My sister can wear wedge’s b/c Rosa is much more svelte and taller then me. I will show her these b/c she LOVES Kate Spade.

The manageing partner got into an arguement with the Maryland attorney, b/c he want’s 25% of the billiengs, and he is doeing about 1/10 of 1% of the work, just a ROBOSIGNER the manageing partner says. But he has us over a barell b/c we are NOT admited and ONLEY he can sign PLEEADING’s. FOOEY, b/c I have to think of economic’s when I am a PARTNER, and now dad is willieng to make me a partner b/c the manageing partner agreed to take only 50% of the buy-in this year, with the remaining 50% over the next 5 year’s ASSUMING the partnership meet’s some compleicated earning’s target’s that DAD negotiated. YAY DAD!

We are headeing back on the train soon, so I have to leave to catch it. I will NOT be abel to do much with my iphone b/c the Amtrack has a VERY slow wi-fi. DOUBEL FOOEY.

I also got 2 texts from Philip and Robert. I think they know there is another GUY in the picture so they are COMPETEING FOR ME! YAY!!!

Reply

b/c I do NOT want any slip ups or false Positive’s

How can the father know "before hand"? How would this prevent slip ups or false Positive's? Too bad Ellen was on such a short leash earlier today. This post needs at least one additional expository paragraph.

Ellen :

04/30/2013 at 12:41 pm

When I am pregenant, I will be VERY careful to ensure my HUSBAND Know’s about it before hand b/c I do NOT want any slip ups or false Positive’s. I must first get a boyfreind, then get him to marry me. FOOEY on men that JUST want to have the sex. I am stuck in BALTIMORE today and the manageing partner is NOT leaveing me alone so I have to go. FOOEY!

Reply

and we will be abel to get treated RIGHT

In case anyone is tempted to humblebrag about looking too young for their awesome job, Ellen is on to us. Also a reminder that when we get right down to it, it's ALWAY'S about looking cute for men. We may talk like our anxiety is about interviewing, but let's be real here. 

Ellen isn't able to fake the gray hairs or crow's feet either, but ultimately it may mean a chance at getting married and/or being treated with respect. Isn't life rough, Baby Spice?

Ellen :

04/29/2013 at 5:07 pm

You are lucky, beleive it or NOT. I have the same issue. Men think I am to young to vote, even today. But when we are OVER 50, peeople will think we are 30 and we will be abel to get treated RIGHT. Men ALWAYS take pretty women like us for GRANTED. FOOEY on them!

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I am not abel to coment b/c the manageing partner is sitteing right next to me on the treain

It's a sparse day for ELLENWatching, but a least she has an excuse. Assume this is the train to or from BALTIMORE, where she did not have to go this past weekend but evidently does have to spend a business day or two. With gluttonous, stinky MP.

Ellen :

04/29/2013 at 2:27 pm

I would like a dog some times, but I would NOT be abel to take care of it on those times that I travel to other places. So I do NOT have a pet. Some times, the men I deal with are dogs, so I can think I DO have a PET. FOOEY!

Reply

And:

Ellen :

04/29/2013 at 2:32 pm

My Position EXACTELY! Ann Klein is my FAVORITE, tho I would perfer haveing more sleeve then this one, b/c Frank like’s to look at me where he should NOT. FOOEY on him! I am not abel to coment b/c the manageing partner is sitteing right next to me on the treain. I do NOT like traveling with him b/c he alway’s ask’s question’s and he has just eaten alot of food but has NOT brushed his teeth. When he has FOOD in his teeth, it does NOT smell good. FOOEY!

Reply

"but he is not even hinting at it."

This particular question, asked under an alternate name on the weekend thread, is becoming almost ritualistic. Once again I have to note the irony in referring to Ellen for advice, given that her own track record of successful cow-selling is so embarrassing. In fact the best she could do is commiserate with VJB, posture though she might.

Thanks, kindred spirit!

VJB :

04/28/2013 at 10:30 am

Does any one know how do deal with a boyfriend situation where I have done everything my boyfriend wants (emotionally and sexually) over the last 2 years, but he does not respect me enough to want to marry me?

How can I get him to give me a diamond ring? I thought I would be engaged by now, but he is not even hinting at it.

Reply

• Anne Shirley :

  04/28/2013 at 12:37 pm
  I do not know, but I believe Ellen may have some great tips.
  Reply

it’s the mousey one’s that become very agresive when they get into your apartement

So the problem is either that Philip, rodent-like, is trying to sneak into Ellen's residence and start nibbling away, OR that he's not decisive enough or even (I guess?!?) not interested. I'm not sure why he's wavering, otherwise. I guess we could always find out he's married or something.

Interesting that Ellen keep's characterizing Philip as mousey. Vincent "Vinnie" Kutza--not that I'm encouraging him to keep posting here--claims to have seen Ellen and Philip on the night of their first date, and reports that the man is an elf. I am somewhat surprised that she hasn't made a bigger deal of his alleged baldness, too. That's usually a major issue.

Ellen :

04/26/2013 at 3:27 pm

Yay! Congratulation’s!!!! Happy day for all!

I love Open thread’s! And I do NOT have to go to Baltimore this weekend! YAY!!!! The manageing partner told me to pipe down when talking about the looser in Baltimore who just think’s he can sign things and get PAID w/o doeing anything more for it. He want’s me to do all the breif’s, and he just sign’s them. FOOEY on him.

We have to go down and go over the breif’s next week now, which leave’s me the weekend with Myrna, b/c Philip is still wavereing on meeting me or even jogging in the park. He is probably a little to mousey for me. I prefer a take charge kind of guy, provided, however, that he is not a tuchus Grabber! It is very dificult to find a guy who know’s where to draw the line and NOT to be grabbeing my tuchus, or like Gonzalo, my boobies.

Myrna still want’s to meet Philip, but I am goieng to have to arrange a meeting at a resturant for all of us to meet, b/c I am still a little leary of bringeing Philip to my apartement. Some times, it’s the mousey one’s that become very agresive when they get into your apartement, b/c they think they have just crossed the finnish line. DOUBEL FOOEY ON THAT! There should be some thing explaeinng to these peeople that just b/c a girl bring’s you into her apartment does NOT mean you can grab her and do thing’s that you would NOT have permision to do just b/c you are INSIDE her apartement. FOOEY!

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FOOEY, b/c I want a man to go home to also

The perennial no-win office standoff between successful Jezebel and sidelined matron(s). Plenty of jealousy to go around, and MP never has to worry about work not getting done OR a lack of bar-admit housekeeping services in his office.

Ellen :

04/25/2013 at 4:48 pm

You just have to role with the punche’s my dad say’s. I have to deal with women at work that are so JELOUS of me b/c I am very freindly with the manageing partner and do things that they would not, like clean off his desk, throw out cookie’s that are stale and tell him to straiten his tie or the little hair he has, and to stop buffeing his head when my cleint’s are in the ofice! So the 2 women are very passive agressive with me. They take my food, and either hide it or put it in the cubbord where I can NOT find it until it is OLD. They also move my file’s and then “find” them day’s later after I am FRANTIC! I am ON TO THEM, but tell the manageing partner every time they pull that stuff on me. I can not help that the manageing partner favor’s me by giveing me the clotheing allowance. After all, I am the onley one that goe’s into court and impresse’s the judge. Doing tax work and estates work does NOT require fancy or styleish clotheing, so FOOEY on them. I did NOT ask to be pretty either, but I will NOT intentioneally look sloppey so they feel better either. DOUBEL FOOEY on that! And I am not married, so why are they so jelous? They have MEN to go home to, both of them. FOOEY, b/c I want a man to go home to also.

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a picture of ME so he can hang it in his locker at work.

From Gov. Como ensuring that Ellen could vote after Sandy, to Mayer Blumberg's raised eyebrows at a pinup of Ellen, various levels of New York civic life come to bear on our story. I would actually appreciate such a photo too, for my own blogger morale, but am not getting my hopes up.

Ellen :

04/25/2013 at 2:05 pm

I have a RED Silk blouse that I love to wear with a black dress. The manageing partner make’s me wear this to court b/c he know’s the judge LOVES my red lipstick, so the red SILK blouse goes with it and it is NOT tite fiting so there is alot for the Judge to keep his eye’s on! Yay! I have 6 cases next Tuesday before the COURT, then the manageing partner and me are goieing down to Baltimore again to see that old crusty jerk who want’s me to write his breif’s for him. I think he is NUTS, but we are makeing alot of money on those cases, so the manageing partner says to be nice b/c we need this jerk to sign the paper’s b/c we are NOT admited in Baltimore. FOOEY!

Robert said he want’s me to text me a picture of ME so he can hang it in his locker at work. I do NOT want him hangeing any picture of me in the Park’s Department locker room. FOOEY! I dated him twice and already he is hangeing my picture in Central Park? No Way HOZE! That is all I need for Mayer Blumberg to find out my picture is in his locker. DOUBEL FOOEY!

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and Frank refused to Explain!

Fascinating. Recall that Madeline has apparently been going bitter on Ellen recently because Ellen's coming up for partner and Madeline never did. It's possible that this money was kind of a non-partner consolation for Madeline--just like what happened to Harry Crane on Mad Men this past week--but one can't help but wonder, given Frank's silence, if something even more unseemly is going on. Theories? 

Ellen :

04/25/2013 at 11:45 am

My sister, Rosa, can wear this, but not me. FOOEY! Dad is VERY sckeptical of the book’s that Frank showed him. He told me that there was some account for Madeline with alot of money in it, even tho she is NOT a partner. He think’s they are paying her off for some thing shady, and Frank refused to Explain! Dad also does not understand alot of other items that were included in the Account’s Payable Ledgger. He is comeing back in here next week to go over more with Frank. Myrna is stoppeing by here for lunch to go to Lord and Taylor and she want’s to know all about Philip and Robert and which one I should date. YAY!!! Right now, I am leaneing toward Philip, but he is very meek (mousey even!). He did not even want to kiss me! He texted about meeting tomorrow after work, so I will say YES.

I will NOT look dumpey

To no great surprise, the finances of Manageing & MANAGEING LLP raise questions with the World's Smartest Patriarch. But we're not sophisticated enough to know the details, so we'll just wait for our instructions. Did you know he went to MIT and was offered Mensa membership?

I don't think I'm imagineing a new simmer in Ellen's tone as she outlines all of Dad's authorities in her life. She's shared before that she regrets giving him control of her bank account and "everything"--including her weight management efforts. But here she also seems to need his approval on all clotheing purchases, where traditionally it's just been a matter of the 20-30% reimbursement from the manageing partner. Dare I ask it, reader's? Are we moving toward realization of Poll #3's command/prediction for Ellen to throw off the yoke? 

Ellen :

04/24/2013 at 4:14 pm

OMG! I LOVE this SUIT! I have to get dad’s permission, but I totaly LOVE this Ann Taylor suit, and I already HAVE perfect pump’s to GO with it, so it is a good buy. I will show this to the manageing partner and hopefulley he will go a long for REIMBURESEMENT with ME! YAY!!!!!

I can wear this both in the Summer and the Winter, and if I stay slim, I will NOT look dumpey, which is what Dad said about me at New Year’s. FOOEY on him! Now he is grumbeling about the firm’s book’s but did NOT get into it w/me, but he did like Zaro’s. Whenever he come’s in to Penn Station, he ALWAYS goe’s RIGHT to Zaro’s. So at least I made him happy by walkeing him back there today. He did not like it when we passed Crumb’s. He said that he saw a few of those cupcakes on my tuchus! Fooey on Dad!

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dad is here NOW, goeing over the book’s with Frank

I have a fair amount of suspense, wondering what Dad is going to say about the M&M books. I also wonder how good an impression Frank might have managed to make. Hopefully we hear something this evening or tomorrow, as this may determine Ellen's professional future, at least in the near term. (Either Dad is satisfied and willing to put up the $$CASH for Ellen's partnership buy-in, or he isn't, the offer is probably moot, and Ellen should be looking for another job.)

Ellen :

04/24/2013 at 1:04 pm

Our firm has NOTHING, except that Frank manage’s the Firm’s 401K for everyone. We all put in whatever % we want (my dad has me at the MAXIMUM 10% of salary), and the firm matche’s up to 5% of salary (which does NOT include my clotheing allowance — FOOEY!). Then, every year, Frank give’s us a STATEMENT, showeing how much money we have made and how much is in there.

My dad keep’s this statement with my paper’s so that when I retire, I will NOT have to pay doubel taxes on it. My dad is here NOW, goeing over the book’s with Frank, and then, I am leaveing early with Dad, and we are going to go to Penn Station and eat at the Zaro’s there. He love’s there BRIOTCHE SANWICHES, COFFEE and CHEEZE DANISH, and I love their bagel’s and chicken salad! He is NOT going to complain about my tuchus either today, b/c he said it looke’d good! YAY!!!!!

Reply

getting a little annoyed that I am not abel to tell her I have a eligibel boyfreind

For those who missed it, the $50k in question is the dowery Leyeh has promised contingent on specific performances within 18 months. Ellen tends to lose sight of the no-invitro clause from time to time, so it's relieving to see here that she's not going to do anything rash only to find there's no deal. 

Interesting that Phillip wasn't mentioned here as (potentially) the best existing marriage prospect on the scene. For their first date, Ellen wanted to make sure he saw her degrees on the office wall; next she wants to be abel to brag about making partner. This will expedite marriage (to him or someone else). Of course.

Ellen :

04/24/2013 at 11:13 am

Hug’s to you AND the baby! Your so lucky, but you are ABEL to post the day after giveing BIRTH? OMG! Doubel YAY for you, and the baby!!!!!

I want a baby also and hope I will find a man to give me one soon. Grandma Leyeh is getting a little annoyed that I am not abel to tell her I have a eligibel boyfreind, let alone getting engaged to him. She NIXED the idea of INVITRO, so FOOEY b/c that would be so much easier. Dad is comeing in today to go OVER the book’s with Frank, so I hope he get’s satisfied with his do diliegience. The sooner the better, b/c I want to be abel to tell my b/f that I am a PARTNER, so he will marry me sooner and we can have a BABY! Once I do, Grandma Leyeh will give us $50,000!!!!! YAY!!!!!

Reply

"Is there something I should know?"

I always glory in this conversation, whenever it crop's up: newbie asks who Ellen is and at least one loyal soldier directs the poor woman to this blog. That is why I created it in the first place, you know! How many other things in my life do you think have gone so smoothly from specific goal to undisputed achievement? With no rivals or threats whatsoever?

That said, I don't post all of these threads because I can't wallow too deeply in hubris (however well-deserved). But this one is special! A million KUDO'S to saacnmama for advancing the "genius theory" below. I hope Kat sees it because it's good for a raucous, unladylike laugh.

SL :

04/24/2013 at 10:37 am

By the way, I’ve always wondered what the deal with Ellen is, if someone could explain? I saw a post recently where someone else was also confused, and a reply under it just said, “Oh you must be new here.” Is there something I should know?

Reply

• January :

  04/24/2013 at 10:40 am
  Ellen is our resident troll, except she/he/it is more of a character than a normal troll at this point. Google “EllenWatch” (no spaces) to find a blog devoted to chronicling the life and times of Ellen.
  Reply
• Kanye East :

  04/24/2013 at 11:10 am
  There is no explanation for Ellen, only theories. Get thee to ELLENWatch.
  Reply
• saacnmama :

  04/24/2013 at 12:09 pm
  Until I saw that she’s at a bunch of sites, I’d always assumed she was Kat saying things she couldn’t say in her moderator voice.
  Reply
  • Godzilla :

    04/24/2013 at 12:30 pm
    You know, that’s kind of a genius theory.
    Reply
    • AnonInfinity :

      04/24/2013 at 2:38 pm
      Mind. Blown.
      Reply
  • TBK :

    04/24/2013 at 1:34 pm
    No, Ellen hangs out wherever there are lawyers online. I think she got banned from the ABA website awhile back (or else it was American Lawyer). Oddly, I’ve never seen her on Above the Law. Maybe because basically all the commenters there are trolls.

    I actually like Ellen. She’s generally entertaining and sometimes quite human (e.g., her FOOEY at the Boston Marathon bombers).
    Reply

When I dumped Alan, I figure’d this out

Again with the apostrophes not even related to letter S's. The infection is spreading so fast that even as chief epidemiologist for this particular strain I cannot explain it. 

As to content, a little repetitive if you don't mind my saying so. You can get away with a lot of this, Ellen, but do you really want to? 

Ellen :

04/22/2013 at 3:41 pm

Yes, January is RIGHT. FOOEY ON THIS MAN! Your life will go ON for the BETTER, without this guy. If it were NOT for pro-creation, we could DO entireley without MEN. Nowaday’s, with technology being what it is, we NO longer need there haveing sex with us for us to have babie’s, so chalk that one up to progress. For year’s all I thought about was haveing to have a sweatey man huffeing and puffeing on me to give me a baby (FOOEY!) but NO LONGER! YAY!

If I want I can get a invitro procedure and NOT have anybody sweateing on me day after day until I get pregenent. So even tho I want to get MARRIED to the right guy who will suport me and the baby, it is NOT mandeatory that I have that same guy to make me pregenent in the FIRST place.

So remember this. YOU NO LONGER need a guy for this, and you do NOT need his weenie for anything else either. When I dumped Alan, I figure’d this out, tho slowley b/c I was emotioneally involved with his alchocholism. Now I am independent, with a marketeabel skill as an attorney, and have my own apartement, so I do NOT need to come home and clean up his vomit. You can be JUST like me if you want. It is VERY easy. You just need to stand up for yourself. YAY!!!!!!!!

Reply

it was onley when he started dateing that the women said that he was smelley

In a more subtle manner than usual, Ellen has just tipped me off to a post I missed yesterday. Good to know that even in Ellen-world, old, wealthy men have to worry about their marriagability, if only to make sure they make it into the purview of another woman who will guarantee acceptable hygiene. Remind's me of how Ellen needs to find a husband who knows how to manage her weight. 

Ellen :

04/22/2013 at 2:20 pm

I learned from the manageing partner (of all peeople), that your suit’s have to be dry cleaned after no MORE then 4 weareing’s, and even more freueentely in the summer, when you SWEAT. He learned it after his first divorce, when his wife handeled all of his dry cleaneing. Once she was OUT of the picture, he did NOT know that, and his suit’s started getteing SMELLEY, and it was onley when he started dateing that the women said that he was smelley. So he talked to his sister, who told him that if women found him smelley, he would NEVER get married again, and that was b/c his suit’s stunk b/c he bathed regulearley. Once he took that lesson, the manageing partner got his “act in geat quick”, and was abel, soon after, to land Margie, who was married to a tricky guy who he had to buy out to get her. Now, the manageing partner may burp and pick his nose alot, but at least he has clean clotheing, all thanks to his sister, and Margie, who make’s sure he stay’s fresh as a daisey! YAY Margie!!!

Reply

b/c peeople do not like stinky clotheing on lawyers

Ellen :

04/23/2013 at 4:25 pm

I think I lost the last post. I took the NY bar and my dad paid for it b/c he wanted to make sure I passed. I do NOT know anything about waving in, so look into THAT b/c you are NOT right out of law school.

Also, make sure you dry clean your clotheing when you come to NY b/c peeople do not like stinky clotheing on lawyers. Like I explained yesterday, the Manageing Partner got divorced, and his clotheing needed to be dry cleaned. FOOEY! No one told him and his clotheing stunk! Doubel Fooey! Once he was told, he now has clean clothes. YAY!

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I realy think some thing is in the air OTHER then POLLEN

So the preliminaries with Ellen's partnership plan are actually going forward. It took so long I wondered if she was just going to let it drop, especially given how suspicious they are about the sum MP expects her (Dad) to fork over. I'm not so sure Frank can handel all the questions; he's proven himself no more competent than anyone else at the firm thus far. 

I had wondered how long Myrna and Ellen have been friends, and today it appears she's been in the picture at least since the Alan era (hence her ability to recognize him in the bar--I don't think I could do this going on Facebook pics alone). Still drinking and still working, it sounds like, though he must not have been with his alleged girlfriend that night. I'm kind of intrigued as to why Alan's getting more press lately, and not just in the usual retrospective fooeying but in fact with present-time news. Are he and Ellen going to run into each other again? Or (gasp!) is he going to start texting too, like yet another bear lumbering out of hibernation? Ideally, Myrna did her duty and told him how many fabulous guys Ellen is dating now, and he ordered his next round ruminating on how royally he blew it. 

Ellen :

04/23/2013 at 9:56 am

I do like it, but think that it calls to much attention to my midriff, which, unfortuneately, is to noticeable b/c of all of the cupcake’s I have been eateing, Dad say’s. It has NOT stopped Robert from texteing and Philip from texteing and even David keep’s texteing. I realy think some thing is in the air OTHER then POLLEN b/c I am sneezeing also.

The manageing partner is goeing to let my dad come by and have a look at the books with Frank, b/c Frank can expleain them better then the manageing partner, particulealarley about ACCRUEALS and thing’s like that, the manageing partner need’s FRANK’s expertise to go over this b/f my dad put’s down my partnership share. My dad STILL think’s he is financeaing the manageing partner’s 53 Foot Cabin Kruzer, but we will all go for an outing on the boat this summer, and Margie is buying it this month to get it in the water by MEMORIAL DAY! YAY!!!!

Myrna told me that she saw Alan in a bar downtown yesterday after work. Can you beleive that guy is still drinkeing? I can, but it is NOT me who has to clean up after him any more. FOOEY! Evidentely he must be workeing down there b/c he was weareing a suit. Just what they need down there — another drunk CPA in a suit on Wall Street. DOUBEL FOOEY!

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Philip was a gentelman and did NOT even touch me

Long-anticipated report on the two-date weekend.
Robert used to be news--and a second date with anyone is still a big deal--but now we can't help but focus on Philip. (No consistency about how many Ls are in his name, so I will keep improvising.) I expected more detail, but we'll settle for this for now. Vague plans to see Philip again; unclear course of action for dealing with Robert's inevitable next text/call. Maybe Ellen will enjoy stringeing him along for a while, working on her trousseau for somebody else? I guess in a way she's earned it. 
Highlight to gesture at Robert's Park's Department pedigree. It's kind of sweet. Maybe Ellen will offer to set him up with another Corporette reader once she lets him down easy...(and then take pics of them together on her iPhone to send to her father).

Ellen :

04/22/2013 at 11:08 am

Hug’s to you! I was there, so I know also. Once you find a guy who is decent, you realy will NOT care who your ex is dateing, or sleepeing with. I actueally comiserate with the poor gal who is dateing my ex, Alan, b/c she now has to do alot of the thing’s I used to do — cleaneing up after him, washeing his clothe’s, pickeing up his beer can’s, etc. And the sex was horible, so I do NOT miss it anyway.

I had a GREAT weekend. Philip was a gentelman and did NOT even touch me. I would have let him kiss me if he wanted, but I think he was worried that ED would get mad if he was to pushy. We had great food at Morton’s and he then walked me uptown. He lives way up in Manhattan, so he got on the train after he dropped me off. I did NOT let him come in to my apartement, but said we would see each other again. Yay!

I also went to the Met’s game with Robert, and they WON! It was fun and there were alot of peeople there. Robert is quirky, he knows all about cutting the grass at Citifield, and was telleing how they do it to make it look good. He also showed me around FLUSHING meadow park’s where there is a BIG Globe. He said it was there for 40 year’s. It look’s new. Robert ofered to buy me a hat, but I told him I gave a Saint Louis hat away, and do NOT wear them. He is sweet, but I can NOT see marrying him. He also want’s to date me. I am getting very busy socialy all of a sudden. YAY!

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Result's of POLL #3

As you may recall, on the occasion of this blog's first birthday I ran a poll about what reader's believe should happen in Ellen's life before the marking of our second year. Logistically it went FUBAR so I'm not bothering to post the numbers, but as promised, I am reporting back to voters and of course Ellen herself on the preferences expressed...partly to see if she will oblige us. On a number of small matters, it has long been clear that Ellen responds to requests, but this is an experiment in terms of its scale. The question is whether Ellen will allow her audience to direct the narrative in a more significant sense.

Voters' options for Ellen developments (devELLopments) by March 2014 were: a) makes partner at Manageing & MANAGEING; b) goes in-house or beings teaching law school; c) gets engaged to Mr. Right; and d) banishes Dad from supervision of her finances and eating/fitness regimen. Option D was the single most popular response. I find this fascinating because, of all the possibilities, this will probably make for the dullest reading. It actually takes away a crucial, recurrent plot element, where each of the other three storylines would have promised added complexities. To my surprise, it seems voters were actually thinking about Ellen as if a real person--a friend, even--whose best interests as a self-sufficient adult woman are more important than her entertainment value. Wow, humanity! Or at least, ELLENWatch-ity!

All of this said, the close runner-up was Option C: Ellen finellally getting a ring on it. It seems readers share Ellen's priority on marital security, and no doubt would also love to read about the courtship/ negotiation that this would necessitate. Also, in a reality that somewhat dampens the triumph of Outcome D (if we get it). Remember that Dad has always been willing to cheerfully hand over the reins on Ellen's bank account and diet...to Ellen's husband. The problem has been her not having one. Therefore we may not be able to get D without C, and expressed wishes for both lead Ellen circularly into the life-directorship of, simply, another man, rather than achieving any more autonomy.

At any rate, Hear Ye Ellen--your audience has spoken, and you have your orders. Congratulations in advance! In the future I see you changing a bunch of passwords and fooeying your Dad's protestations (YAY!!!) before heading out dress shopping with Myrna. Now show us how you got there.

Love alway's,
ELLENWatch

Philip Barshevsky?

Apparently there will be no weekend post's. Try to contain your anticipeaition!

Ellen :

04/19/2013 at 3:28 pm

I do NOT know this woman, so can NOT pass Judgement on whether she is or is NOT stylesish.

Yay for OPEN Thread’s! I love Open thread’s! I have to freshen up b/c PHILIP is stoppeing by to pick me up to eat. I have NOT eaten lunch, so I will be abel to eat alot of bread at Morton’s. I love thier bread, tho I can’t tell dad, b/c he is already after me b/c of my TUCHUS size.

I will report back to the hive on Monday about Philip–I am meeting Robert for the Met’s over the weekend, so I am goieing to be a busy girl this weekend. That is fine, b/c I do not have to go to court Tuesday. I do have some DEPO’s, but those are easy. I ask all the same questions all the time. The onley time I vary is if I know the guy (or woman) has already filed oposing papers with the WC division.

Happy weekend to the HIVE, I must become beautiful for Philip. I wonder if he would consider useing my last name. Philip Barshevsky? I don’t think so. FOOEY! I do NOT even know his name yet. DOUBEL FOOEY!

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• Anonymous :

  04/20/2013 at 2:12 pm
  Look out for STDs.
  Reply

No one is interested in what my view’s are on this or other peeople’s on THIS blog.

This is Ellen, Boston lockdown edition. I expected people to be annoyed by her two cents--and it may still happen--but so far it look's like she's being welcomed for her levity. I guess we all just have to know our roles during a crisis (which is why I too will refrain from pretending I have anything useful to say, other than that I care deeply). See the second post below for an even more direct addressing of how we should deal with "everyone bad"--as opposed to "everyone good."

In the meantime, the feminist subversion continues in Ellen's dating life. From trying to trick a dude into marrying you by making him think you'll ever actually cook and clean, to asking him to pick you up at your door because you want to show off your career achievements.

Ellen :

04/19/2013 at 11:23 am

I agree. This is NOT a place to post about current event’s. No one is interested in what my view’s are on this or other peeople’s on THIS blog. There are OTHER places, such as CNN or where ever. This is a BLOG about women’s fashion and other WOMEN’s professeional issue’s. That is why I come here first, b/c it is VERY important to me to be fashioneable and to be both fashioneable and professeonal in all of my legal work. YAY KAT!

What a great find for FRUEGAL FRIDAY’s! I LOVE FRUEGAL FRIDAY’s. I can even wear this to work b/c Frank will have NOTHEING to stare at! I am to meet Philip finaly tonite after work. He is to meet me here (b/c I want him to see I am an attorney at law, and he can even see my BAR admit on the wall — FIRST DEPARTMENT APELLANTE DIVISION — YAY—My dad is alway’s impresed when he see’s that. He say’s his investment paid off!

We are goieng to walk up town until we see a place to eat we like. I will steer him past MORTON’s b/c I feel like a steak! Otherwise, we can do ITALIAN or something good on the upper east SIDE, but I will NOT bring him back to my apartement, yet. I do NOT want a grabber. FOOEY! There HAS to be some mystery otherwise he will loose interest. We will see!

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And:

Ellen :

04/19/2013 at 11:33 am

Hug’s to every one good, and we should just say FOOEY to everyone bad, and move on. Now that that is done, we can move on to thing’s we can deal with. Thank’s to KAT for sponsoreing this important forum.

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• TBK :

  04/19/2013 at 11:56 am
  Best JSFAMO ever! Thanks, Ellen!
  Reply
  • January :

    04/19/2013 at 12:09 pm
    + 1,000,000.
    Reply

My Alan I am NOT sure whether he was 100% faitheful to me

Reviving an old, never-resolved possibility: Alan as a cheater. The advice is predictabel, though: relationships are established and maintained through coercion. 

Ellen :

04/18/2013 at 2:37 pm

It is OK for the summer, but be carful b/c men can STRAY when they are not near you and there are OTHER women nearby who are AVAILEABLE and there is ALCHOHOL. My Alan I am NOT sure whether he was 100% faitheful to me and we were in the SAME City, but there were other Sheketovitses in his family who HE TOLD ME who did find other WOMEN to keep companie with even when they lived in the SAME City. My dad say’s it is NOT possibel in this day and age to put a CHASTITY belt on a man (or a woman), so if you can NOT trust your man (or woman), best NOT to sepearate from them, even for a SUMMER. Good luck!

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by the time he figure’s that out, you will be MARRIED!!!!! YAY!!!!

This is pretty subversive stuff for Ellen (para. 3). Usually she is neither sharp enough nor progressive enough to advocate something like...trickeing a man into marrying you by pretending you'll tend to domestic duties when you intend no such thing. I like it. I can maybe picture Elle advice columnist Auntie EEE suggesting this course of action, in that signature style by which you can't tell whether/to what extent she's kidding.

Ellen :

04/18/2013 at 3:43 pm

When I moved from my home to NYC (the first place), my dad paid the MOVER’s alot. Plus, I gave them $50 each as a tip X3 peeople =$150 tip. But when I moved from my flee infested place to my new apartement, I threw out alot of stuff, and got new furnisheing’s, so I did NOT have to pay mover’s. I did NOT take the junk that Grandma Leyeh had given me — b/c I had a new place I did NOT want to have stuff from the 1950′s in my place, plus there was mice in the old place and I did NOT want any droppeings to be carried in.

So I sent alot of laundrey home — my mom did it, and then my dad brought it to my new apartement. Then I got some new stuff from Grasious Home and West Elm and some other places, which My dad picked out for me, and a new TEMPUR PEDIC matress that did NOT have any traces of ALAN (FOOEY), so I could start fresh.

If you want to start fresh, start LIGHT, and do NOT move old ratty stuff in that you will not like. Also, you should NOT want any mice droppeings or worse in your new apartement. This way, any man who see’s it will think you are an impeckeable house keeper, even tho you do NOT do any house cleaneing or laundrey, and by the time he figure’s that out, you will be MARRIED!!!!! YAY!!!!

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we could NEVER have BABIE’s b/c it would be physieceally impossibel

Complaints about Alan's performance as a lover have gradually become more explicit...but I think this is about as much as we need, thank's.

Ellen :

04/18/2013 at 10:29 am

Trust me, no one use’s BLUE book once you leave law school. I did NOT even use it alot in law school, EXEPT for legal writing. I would get the person a box of chocoleate’s b/c they will NEED that to study for the BAR.

Today, I walked in to work b/c my dad is getteing very mad that I took 3 day’s off when I was with Myrna and Roberta last weekend and Monday. He is telleing me that I will NEVER get married with my TUCHUS, exept mabye to some guy with a gut as big as my tuchus, and then we could NEVER have BABIE’s b/c it would be physieceally impossibel for him to impregnate me. FOOEY, b/c I want a baby! I am NOT anxcious for some guy to be huffeing and puffeing away on top of me tho, like Alan did. He was realy a mess in bed, now that I look back on it. DOUBEL FOOEY on him. His new girlfreind know’s what I am talkeing about. Poor gal!

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Crumb’s is literaly Crumbeling

This really is catastrophic news for Ellen. Many of her 2012-13 posts corroborate a strong attachment to CRUMB'S. This isn't the first time she's pasted in material from an articel (or email!), but it might be the most urgent. 

I wonder how many times Ellen may have seen correct, published spelleings of "managing partner," here or elsewhere, without inducing any implication for her own writing. Come to think of it, though, it was very counter-reflex for me to leave the E out just then as I typed...perhaps the habit is even harder to break when you are its renowned originator.

Ellen :

04/17/2013 at 5:33 pm

I recomend giveing him a box of Cupcakes from Crumb’s. I read in today’s Wall Street Journal that the stock price of Crumb’s is literaly Crumbeling. That is terible. Here is an EXERPT from the Wall Street Journal article, which my Dad make’s me read EVERY day to become financialy astute: Now he want’s me to eat less b/c of my TUCHUS. FOOEY!

FROM TODAY’s Wall STREET JOURNAL (THANKS DAD). The dessert became a cultural and economic phenomenon over the last decade, with gourmet cupcake shops proliferating across the country, selling increasingly elaborate and expensiveconcoctions.The craze hit a high mark in June 2011, when Crumbs Bake Shop Inc., CRMB -12.35% a New York-based chain, debuted on the Nasdaq Stock Market NDAQ -1.19% under the ticker symbol CRMB. Its creations—4″ tall, with fillings such as vanilla custard, caps of butter cream cheese, and decorative flourishes like a whole cookie—can cost $4.50 each. After trading at more than $13 a share in mid-2011, Crumbs has sunk to $1.70. It dropped 34% last Friday, in the wake of Crumbs saying that sales for the full year would be down by 22% from earlier projections, and the stock slipped further this week. Crumbs in part blamed store closures from Hurricane Sandy, but others say the chain is suffering from a larger problem: gourmet-cupcake burnout.

“The novelty has worn off,” says Kevin Burke, managing partner of Trinity Capital LLC, a Los Angeles investment banking firm that often works in the restaurant industry.
Crumbs now has 67 locations, nearly double the number it had less than two years ago. “These are singularly focused concepts,” says Darren Tristano, executive vice president at Technomic Inc., a Chicago research and consulting firm that specializes in the food industry. “You’re not going to Crumbs every day.”"It’s a short-term trend and we’re starting to see a real saturation,” he adds. “Demand is flat. And quite frankly, people can bake cupcakes.”

=========
PS I love Crumb’s!!!! YAY!!!!

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and he said he would watch it for me.

The oaf cited for no-nos is of course Henry. Looking forward to the summer posts about the entire fam going out on MP's boat. (By the way, whence the apostrophe in MOORE'D? Even I struggle to explain this Ellen decision.)

Ellen :

04/17/2013 at 2:50 pm

I would LOVE to be fashioneable, but as an attorney who MUST be in court, I have to be conservative b/c I can NOT have peeople stareing at me. I therefore stick to basic thing’s and conserveative CLOSED toe shoes (Anne Klein is my trademark). I do allow myself FIRE ENGINE RED lipstick, b/c the manageing partner wants me to be NOTICED by the judge in Court.

In Depo’s, I typically do NOT dress up to much b/c I am NOT tryeing to impress anyone. I already have my cleint, and I am NOT big on tryeing to impress the other side.

The manageing partner and Margie left early today b/c the weather is so nice. They decided to get a 53 FOOT CABIN KRUZER. I told him my dad love’s to go for a boat ride, so the manageing partner will invite our whole family out this summer to the HAMTON”s where his boat will be MOORE’D.

Robert says he will take me out for food after the MET’s game. I told him I have to watch my tuchus, and he said he would watch it for me. FOOEY! I do NOT want him to be grabbeing my tuchus like that other oaf from school.

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